Janice Dickinson is nothing but glamour and grace.  She can do even the most mundane activities with a level of beauty that us common folk can only dream of, so it should come as no surprise that even while pumping gas, Janice can manage to wow the world with her ethereal magnificence.

I have not been shy about expressing my feelings for Simon Cowell. I think he is a masterpiece of a man, and I always will. At least, that’s what I thought until I saw these pictures. After that, my thoughts turned into distraught little bits of chaos.

This is yet another example of a gorgeous man refusing to age gracefully and getting some cosmetic procedures and then getting even more cosmetic procedures and then ending up looking like a monkey and/or a victim of assault.  Seriously, just look through these pictures and then we can weep for the future of male beauty together.

Images courtesy of Celebitchy

EVERYONE says Kim Kardashian‘s pregnant. [The Superficial]

Pink at 698 months pregnant. Gotdamn. [Starpulse]

Is Robert Pattinson really going to play another vampire? [INFDaily]

HOLY CRAP, the world’s longest-married couple. [Bossip]

Film star rescued from ‘bone-crushing’ bike wreck. [TMZ]

Exclusive scenes from Josh Hutcherson’s new movie. [Socialite Life]

Being drunk is apparently a feminist issue these days. [The Frisky]

Sophie Marceau: soaking wet. [Caught on Set]

Sean Kingston: sedated but conscious. [Celebuzz]

OH PATRICK DEMPSEY, what have you done? [Pajiba]

Twat joins Twitter, begins to tweet twattish things. [I'm Not Obsessed]

OMFG What did Simon Cowell DO TO HIS FACE? [Cele|bitchy]

Jane Lynch thinks Sarah Palin is insane. [Huffington Post]

Because when you get engaged after six months of dating with a ring that’s big enough to murder someone and you want to have a wedding as big as that royal one, getting married in two months just makes sense.

This information comes from Life & Style from an unnamed insider, but I believe it, mostly because poor Kim has been itching to get married for a while now.  Besides, can you imagine what this is going to do for her TV show?  People love fancy weddings, and, for whatever reason, people also love the Kardashians.  This is going to be huge for the shameful side of reality television.

Here’s the “official” reason for the rushed wedding:

“The wedding is going to be at the end of July or the beginning of August,” an insider tells Life & Style. “The reason they’re rushing it is because they want to do it before the basketball season starts again, so that they have time to have a romantic honeymoon!”

Basketball season.  I’m sure.

When I was 13 and silly, J.C. was my favorite dude from ‘NSync, and oh, how I loved him.  But these days, I’m willing to admit how wrong I was and embrace the beauty and perfection that is Justin Timberlake.  Just don’t tell my 13-year-old self, ok?  Because she would throw a fit in the worst way.

These emotions all came up today as I was reading through some of Justin’s quotes in the July issue of Vanity Fair. Let me share some of his words and then you can tell me of your growing fondness, all right?

On Jessica Biel: “She is the single-handedly most significant person in my life. In my 30 years, she is the most special person, O.K.? … I don’t want to say much more, because I have to protect things that are dear to me—for instance, her.”

On marriage: “I think the mistake is that people commit to who that person is right then and not the person they’re going to become. That’s the art of staying together, is changing together,” he says. “When you say it like that, it seems damn near impossible, right?”

On Britney Spears: “I wish her the best—that goes without saying. We haven’t spoken in 9 or 10 years. We were two birds of the same feather—small-town kids, doing the same thing. But then you become adults, and the way you were as kids doesn’t make any sense. I won’t speak on her, but at least for me, I was a totally different person,” he says. “I just don’t think we were normal; there was nothing normal about our existence. We spent way too much time being the biggest thing for teenyboppers. It was exciting that we were having so much success and we could do whatever we wanted. And I mean that about everybody: Backstreet Boys, ’NSync, Britney, Christina. At that time, we could literally go, ‘Oh, man, let’s go to Bali,’ and we’d be on a plane to Bali. We were little kids with big toys. You do the math—that’s not going to last.”

On big toys: Some very big toys, indeed, as Timberlake recalls that on the set of The All-New Mickey Mouse Club, “Ryan [Gosling] and I used to steal golf carts and go driving in the middle of the park to get milk shakes, and we never got in trouble for it. We thought we were big shit.”

On his future in music: “I wouldn’t say I’m not going to put out another [album]. I would say that would be a bad bet, if you were betting. But I could see myself only doing one more big tour.”

On being naked in Friends with Benefits: “It was fun, but I can’t say I’m going to be butt-naked in a movie again. I only did it because I’m young now, and everything’s where it’s supposed to be. I figured this is the time, before gravity gets the best of me.”

Is he not just the most charming former boybander you ever saw?  So smart and respectful and willing to talk about breaking laws with Ryan Gosling. Has anyone else changed her mind about the best ‘Nsync member, because this girl certainly just did.

“My type of guy is hot and hung, but sweet will do!”

Here’s a little somethin’-somethin’ in the way of proof that Rihanna is, indeed, a size queen. Girlfriend sat down and filled out a questionnaire for Cosmopolitan, where she discussed important things like what she feels sexiest wearing (uh, chocolate body paint) and what she secretly fears (gaining weight during pregnancy).

I know a lot of people are reluctant to talk smack about someone who’s gone through a lot of anguish and pain, but come on: idiocy does not discriminate when it comes to immature ideas.

Rihanna is young, yeah, but really? ‘Chocolate body paint’? ‘I’m afraid of GETTING FAT’? Seems to me like someone’s trying too hard to for that coveted sex symbol status. Maybe she should just stick to being sweet and introspective and charming and let this S&M minx-vibe go. It’s just not working for her.