I don’t even need to tell you how happy this makes me, do I? My two favorite American Idol contestants doing an album together, are you kidding me?  I could listen to Casey Abrams and Haley Reinhart make beautiful music all the livelong day, but a whole album of these two together recording whatever moves their hearts is going to be out of this world for me.

According to one of Casey’s bros, these crazy kids want to work together because they have the same taste in music, they’ll be together on the Idol tour all summer so they’ll have tons of time to work on an album, and because every starry-eyed girl like me will be all over it.  You’ve got to hand it to them, this is a super smart move, right?  I mean, I’m not the only one who is absolutely losing her shit over this, am I?

Chris Brown is never going to be able to do anything right ever again. He tried showing humility by admitting that he crapped himself on stage before, he tried winning over all the penis lovers, and now he’s trying cutesy tattoos.  It’s not going to work, Chris.  It’s just not.

I bet he wanted a regular smiley face but as soon as the tattoo was finished it morphed itself into something twisted and grotesque. Even ink understands when someone done went and fucked up for life.

Yeah, so what do you guys think about the new body art?

You might remember that back in December, Emma Stone dyed her gorgeous, gorgeous red hair to a shade of blonde and I had really strong feelings about it.  I admitted my undying love for gingers and we bonded over that.  Remember?

Well, it’s been six long months of blonde hair for Spider-Man, but now, filming is over and Emma is back.  I feel like a weight has been lifted from the world’s shoulders, you know, like this is one less thing that we have to have on our backs.  For the first half of this year, it was like “ugh, the economy is so bad, so many horrible things are happening, we’re gonna get raptured soon, Emma Stone has gross blonde hair,” but now things feel just a little lighter.  And isn’t that a wonderful feeling?

And yes, I am going to use the phrase “get raptured” for the rest of my days.  It’s a fun way to refer to that apocalypse we all survived, and also I like to use it as an insult.  The next time someone pisses you off, instead of instructing them to fuck off, tell them to get raptured.  It’s a really great feeling too.

Because if you couldn’t tell by the first round of Blake Lively nudes, and if you were still a little confused after the second batch, then of course a confirmation from creepy Joe Francis will remove all doubts. Hey, he’s seen a wide variety of naked ladies, ok?

Here’s creepy Joe’s deep thoughts on the matter:

“I would say 90 percent it’s an orchestrated attempt or act on her part [to raise her profile]. I’m not sure, but my inclination is that it’s coming from her. She knows what she’s doing or someone in her camp does. I think it’s a smart move. This will make her desirable. It’s working because it’s getting wide coverage. This may be what she needed to get her name out there. Look, mainstream U.S.A, other than the five people that watch ‘Gossip Girl’ have never heard of Blake Lively. This will catapult her into some of the top searches on some of the Internet sites which will then trigger a dramatic jump of interest in her, and therefore catapult her career.”

Creepy Joe’s got a good point – y’all are loving poor little naked Blake Lively over here – and I think he’s right.  But doesn’t that just feel so dirty to admit?  ”I think Joe Francis is right,” that’s a thought I had today.  Ugh.  You guys take care of yourselves for a little while, ok, I’m going to have to go bleach my brain with Rebecca Black to get back to normal.

Say what you will about Sarah Palin, but she sure knows her country’s history. Wait, what? She’s just talking more nonsense and I’ve been duped again?  Well, you know what they say, fool me once …

But really, Sarah Palin is almost to that sad place where it used to be funny until it just got way pathetic.  It’s the same thing that happened with Charlie Sheen – everyone was having a ball before we all remembered that he’s a real person.  In a few weeks or months or so, we’re going to have to start being like “hey, that’s enough making fun of Sarah.  She has a problem and it’s not funny.”

It’s a good thing we’re not there yet though, because man, does this video make me laugh.  Paul Revere, honestly.  Oh, Sarah, you just slay me!

I’m not even sure how to go about writing my last EvilBeet post ever, but I figured I’d kick it off with an embedded YouTube video of a song that’s brought me a lot of happiness in my lifetime, especially while I was drunk. It’s Friday, you know? Let’s not overlook that in an attempt to make this more than it is.

The last few years working for EvilBeet has been a complete pleasure. When I first started here, Lady Gaga wasn’t even a thing. She was just some topless NYC lounge singer. Pretty wild to think about a time before Gaga, huh? But that’s how long it’s been.

I’m still legally obligated to keep my big mouth shut about my new job (but I hope that when I can share this news that you’re updated. You know, if you care) but I’m terribly excited to start a new chapter of my life while also being incredibly sad to leave you all. I don’t think you’re worried, but if you are, you’re in very good hands here with Sarah and Emily. Their work always made my day brighter and challenged me to improve mine on days when I’d had it up to my hair follicles with the gossip grind.

I loved you all, even if you didn’t love me at times. I appreciate any eyes that look at my writing and evilbeetdouche, my favorite commenter (I can say that now because I no longer work here), you crack my shit up on the daily. Keep doing you.

If you want to keep up with me, feel free to do so on my blog, my Twitter or my new website, HelloGiggles.