I want to know in what world LeAnn Rimes thinks she looks good. Moreover, I want to know in what world Eddie “I like ‘em lookin’ like a hypodermic needle” Cibrian can actually bone LeAnn without breaking her. Because girlfriend, frankly, is bordering horrifying-skinny. She was cute, athletic, toned, and sexy, and quickly moved to svelte, passed by slender, chilled out at waif-like for a minute, and is now taking up permanent residence at the L’Hôtel de EMACIATED.

Eat a goddamned sandwich, LeAnn, or better yet, a whole fucking Subway franchise. Then? Let’s work on your stage presence, OK girl?

Remember when I asked where all of the “important” people were during last night’s movie awards? I found them. They were all getting wasted at the after party, because they knew what an embarrassment of an attempt at entertainment the party was going to be, PLUS, Jennifer Aniston was there with her new non-boyfriend, Justin Theroux. Of course everyone’s going to want to see how Jen acts with a man in public over watching Kristen Stewart make fun of herself and guffaw in a room full of her peers.

The party was full of Emma Watson, and I’m still trying to figure out whether Emma Watson was going out of her way to talk to every damn person in the room BECAUSE SHE’S IN EVERY FUCKING PICTURE, or if everyone just loves Hermione Granger and her animal magnetism.

Reese Witherspoon thinks Blake Lively’s a stupid slut. [The Superficial]

You so classy, Keri Hilson. [Starpulse]

So are you watching Game of Thrones yet, hm? [LA Times]

Why those nudes are DEFINITELY Blake Lively. [Lainey Gossip]

Lauryn Hill pregnant again! [Bossip]

Strange dreams and nightmares. [Pajiba]

Mila Kunis: smallest tits ever? [IDLYITW]

Jennifer Lopez really doesn’t want you to see that non-sex tape. [Amy Grindhouse]

Are Rihanna‘s over-sexed stage antics getting old? [The Frisky]

The McConaughey-Alves family goes to church. [Celebuzz]

The worst-dressed at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards. [Socialite Life]

Is Seth Green a “sexy, evil genius”? [Caught on Set]

What the hell is Kristen Stewart on? [Cele|bitchy]

Paris Hilton parties in Spain despite the fact that her herp is probably flaring up. [INFDaily]

Have you guys heard the news yet? That Twilight‘s Nikki Reed and American Idol‘s Paul McDonald are ENGAGED? I mean, does this strike any of you as somewhat odd, considering they’ve been dating, what, like three weeks?

Molls said it not long ago, that Paul McDonald is kind of a creeper, and at first, I was skeptical. I thought, hell, maybe all we have here is an excitable young man who really, really digs the idea of going from being a nobody to, well, a more famous girl’s boyfriend overnight, and he’s all about hanging onto what he’s found. Maybe he ACTUALLY CARES about her. Maybe he spent way too many late nights rubbing one out to Nikki’s Twilight character and that’s why he’s got such a malnourished pallor about his face, which THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH.  Just MAYBE he felt about Nikki the way that I did about Isaac Hanson when I was twelve years old, and cried every night over the vast expanse that separated us.  Sometimes love knows no sanity, you guys.

However, the couple confirmed last night that Paul did, indeed, pop the question and Nikki HAD NO OTHER CHOICE YOU HEAR ME accepted.

And if that isn’t creepy enough for you, Nikki also claims that Paul is on a Nikki Reed-songwriting campaign and has plans to release a Nikki Reed EP. ‘Cause nothing says “forever love” quite like rapt, fascinated obsession, you know?

So, I don’t know about you guys, but this was definitely one of the most boring shows EVER. From the performances (Dave Grohl‘s, like, a legend and all, but I’m not sure if he was the best pick for the MTV Movie Awards FFS), to the awkward, bored, “I’d rather be at home smoking a bowl” acceptance speeches, and then Lupe Fiasco, too? Well, let’s just say that rap or hip-hop or whatever, is totally not my thing and ALSO the last thing I want to be inundated with if I’m watching these crap awards ceremonies.

In short? The Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards would probably be considered the better, safer, more entertaining bet this year than the BOMB that was the 2011 MTV Movie Awards, you feel me?

PS, Emma Watson? I love you much, but you TOTALLY need to work on that slouch, girl.

The 2011 MTV Movie awards happened last night, and if you’re the type who doesn’t give a shit about the awards themselves, but like to stare at pretty pictures of your favorite celebrities first thing on a hungover Monday morning, you are in luck, my dude.

Things to take note of?

Amanda Bynes gained forty pounds in her FACE. It was like Kristen Stewart didn’t even try again. And who the fuck is Booboo Stewart? Relative of Kristen’s? Also, what was up with the almost-complete absence of anyone of real notoriety on the red carpet. I mean, where’d they all go?