I don’t need to reiterate my love for Zach Galifianakis, do I? We’re all still very much aware of my undying devotion, right? All right, then let’s go ahead and jump into some awesome quotes from Zach’s issue of Rolling Stone:

On taking pictures: “I’m terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me,” Galifianakis says. “I’m a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There’s nothing you can do except make light of it. That’s if I’m in the mood. Sometimes I get superbummed.”

On being awkward: At the after party [for the White House Correspondents' Dinner] he wandered down to the pool and bumped into Jane Lynch and her wife and Modern Family‘s Jesse Tyler Ferguson and his boyfriend. “Nice to meet you!” he said to the group. “I didn’t realize it was Gay Night by the swimming pool.” At the time, he saw nothing wrong with the exchange. “I walked away like, ‘Another good one!’” he says. “But my girlfriend said, ‘I gotta tell you, Zach – that did not go over well. You have to watch people’s reactions!’”

On fame: “I’ll be honest with you: I’m not adjusting to it well. I don’t mean that as a complaint. Most people wouldn’t be well-adjusted. I just get confused by people asking me questions. For years, nobody asked me a question, ever. So now when someone says, ‘Oh, you’re going to be on the cover of Rolling Stone,’ my first reaction is, ‘Ehhh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, it’s cool – but does it have to be the cover? What’s Blink-182 doing these days?’”

On Ke$ha: “I saw that Ke$ha woman the other day,” he says. She’d e-mailed him about getting a drink, and a few days later, he ran into her in a bar. “She was sitting by herself, and I walked up to her and said, ‘Listen, I got your e-mail. Your music is really bad! I don’t know who listens to it, but I imagine it’s, like, six-year-olds – and it’s a bad message.’ ”

In the interview, he also talks about the time he worked as a writer for SNL for two weeks, trying to pitch sketches to Britney Spears, who did not find him amusing (“I remember staring at the ground for, like, 20 seconds, just silent,” Galifiankis says. “45,000 open mics, and I’m trying to impress this 18-year old pop star”) and how when children tell him they love The Hangover, he tells them that they have bad parents. And I just fell in love all over again.

There is something wrong with Nicole Kidman, you guys.  You can tell because of this ensemble and also by what she’s doing to her face. Now, I could talk for a while about her face, but her face is neither here nor there (it is, in fact, lost in time and space*, floating through the cosmos in a place where it can never be seen again).  No, right now we are going to talk about the atrocity that she decided to put on her body for last night’s CMT Awards.  Gag me with a fucking spoon.

If you guys could analyze everything that’s wrong with this whole picture while I curl up in a ball and try to will myself to die, I would really appreciate it.

*And in meaning.  Rocky Horror, everybody.

This happened at last night’s CMT Awards (which I did not watch, because I was too busy devouring New Moon for the first time – I’m apparently a big Twilight fan these days) while Shania was on her way to present some sort of award.

There’s seriously nothing more embarrassing than falling in front of a ton of people (or anyone, really) and I vouch for that, because it’s coming from someone who’s so fucking clumsy that my middle name should be “On the Ground.”

I’m not going to say that it’s karma for doing stupid things with stupid Taylor Swift, but … Feel better, Shania!

I knew somewhere, somehow, there had to be video footage of this crap. And by “this crap,” I clearly mean “the aftermath of Weston Cage‘s menu-ordering mental breakdown” (read: boyfriend got FUCKED UP by his personal trainer outside the restaurant where all of this alleged roundhouse-kicking went down).

The video above is NSFW in that it’s got some questionable language, and if the bitch sitting in the cubicle across from you didn’t hate you for checking out Blake Lively’s tits at work, she’ll surely eye-stab you for blasting the f-word all over the office today.

Video courtesy of The Superficial courtesy of TMZ

Bethenny Frankel is the Joker. [The Superficial]

James Franco is doing music now. [Lainey Gossip]

The complete list of CMT award winners. [Starpulse]

What celebrity sucked her thumb ’til she was eleven? [ICYDK]

15 of the funniest, most offensive ads of all time – featuring celebrities. [Pajiba]

Johnny Depp turns 48: hotness through the years. [Huff Po]

Is Nicolas Cage to blame for his son’s breakdown? [CDL]

Pippa Middleton hot in London. [Celebuzz]

Did Kate Capshaw get really bad plastic surgery too? [Cele|bitchy]

MORE Will Smith on the set of MIIIB. [Caught on Set]

Khloe Kardashian manages to keep things under wraps for now. [INFDaily]

The Super 8 six-minute preview. [The Blemish]

Apparently Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton were spotted having “tea and cakes” together, alone, at an upscale pub in the UK during the last week of May. It’s being rumored to be the first (public) reunion of Pippa and Harry since the Royal Wedding back in April. Eyewitnesses say:

Pippa Middleton, the younger sister of Kate Middleton, was spotted meeting up with Prince Harry at The Troubador pub in London’s Chelsea last month, reports The People newspaper. Pippa Middleton and Harry enjoyed a secret catch-up where they laughed and joked while sharing tea and cakes in the discreet garden area.

The pair, who spent almost two hours at the historic pub, were reportedly meeting for the first time since the Royal Wedding on 29th April 2011. One regular at ‘The Troubador’ said, “Pippa and Harry were most certainly here last week. They sat together and had afternoon tea and cakes. They were alone, with no one else near to them. Everyone left them alone, as this is the sort of place you can come to and escape from the rest of the world while you are inside”.

So, tea and cakes, huh? Is that like the English version of coffee and, I don’t know, doughnuts? Is this a serious thing? Do people go and get “cakes and tea” if they’re about to get it awnnnn? Is it a fancy prerequisite? AM I THE STEREOTYPICAL OBNOXIOUS AMERICAN? Yeah, well.

Most importantly, however, do you guys even care about Pippa and Harry‘s bone status?