Leave it to Hollywood’s most hardcore Madonna fan to cover one of the Material Girl’s more obscure hits. But hey, at least it’s way more acceptable than if Lady Gaga decided to cover it, but regardless, it’s BAD. Like, REALLY BAD. And if I have to hear Britney squawk “FIYAH” in her faux sexy baby voice one more time, it’s really, REALLY going to ruin my Friday.

” … I’m on FIYAH.” UGH.

POLE DANCING!

Yup, that’s right: in her new video, “Rabiosa,” The Girlfriend With One of the Hottest Bodies in Hollywood pole dances.

How do we feel about a brunette, short-haired Shakira? And the video, aside from the obviously-fabulous pole dancing, are we digging it? Is it too much like something from the late nineties, or is this just Shakira’s niche? Me, I think the video was OK. It was fun. It was Shakira, for crying out loud, and she’s never really been known for her moving, thought-provoking videos, unless you count her moves, which provoke some really inappropriate thoughts. Then, I guess, the lady’s got it in the bag.

Woo, Shakira! Looking hot, girl!

And by “DB,” of course I mean “douchebag,” but I have to be careful about what goes up there in that big, bold headline or the advertisers curl up into little balls and burst into flame. It’s not pretty.

Tracy Morgan, or if you need further information on how to best identify him, “the unfunny one who was on SNL for awhile,” has taken his sad skit to a new level: bashing homosexuals. Apparently Morgan (who still has his own comedy tour, if you can believe it) did a show earlier in the week, where he claimed that he would stab his son “to death” if he was gay, and bashed gays if they couldn’t take a joke. Some of Morgan’s more rage-inducing quips:

-Mr. Morgan took it upon himself to mention about how he feels all this gay shit was crazy and that women are a gift from God and that “Born this Way” is bullshit, gay is a choice, and the reason he knows this is exactly because “God don’t make no mistakes” (referring to God not making someone gay cause that would be a mistake).

-He said that there is no way a woman could love and have sexual desire for another woman, that’s just a woman pretending because she hates a fucking man. He took time to visit the bullshit of this bullying stuff and informed us that the gays needed to quit being pussies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying.

-He mentioned that gay was something kids learn from the media and programming, and that bullied kids should just bust some ass and beat those other little fuckers that bully them, not whine about it. He said if his son that was gay he better come home and talk to him like a man and not [he mimicked a gay, high pitched voice] or he would pull out a knife and stab that little N***** to death.

-He mentioned that Barack Obama needed to man up and quit being all down with this just because he has a wife and two daughters. All of this being followed by thunderous cheer and “You go Tracys”. Tracy then said he didn’t fucking care if he pissed off some gays, because if they can take a fucking dick up their ass… they can take a fucking joke.

I guess it’s not a big surprise, as Morgan’s done this kind of stuff in the past – in 2009, he did a show at Carnegie Hall where he claimed that being gay was “a choice.” What’s surprising, however? That he’s practically OWNED by Tina Fey, who’s long been a supporter of the LGBT community. The worst thing about this is that his comments garnered applause and support from a lot of the people in the audience. Now, if that’s not, I don’t know, AN ENTIRE FUCKING BUILDING-FUL of people who need to go and get fucked, I don’t know what is.

Am I the only one who’s not mad impressed by Pippa Middleton’s bum? [The Superficial]

Photos of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher looking HOT. Seriously. HOT. [INFDaily]

Sheryl Crow has a wardrobe malfunction. [Starpulse]

Apparently Kim WAS cheating, because there’s supposedly photos now. [Bossip]

Is Gwyneth Paltrow slamming homosexuality? [Cele|bitchy]

Simon and Paula: still kissing. [TMZ]

Tweety Bird and Daffy Duck returning to the big screen? [LA Times]

Katie Couric the comedienne? [The Frisky]

Charlize Theron caught ogling Prince Harry again. [Socialite Life]

What’s your Doggelganger? [OMGBlog]

Sophie Monk does a bikini photo shoot. Need I say more? [Yeeeah]

Is there a … LeAnn Rimes sex tape? [Amy Grindhouse]

Oh look, Eliza Dushku has a job. [Caught on Set]

ICYDK is HIRING! [ICYDK]

Man oh man, are these celebrities sure bad at taking private sexy pictures and having them end up on the Internet or what?  Well, you know how it is with these sorts of things – when it rains, it pours – and just after the Blake Lively mess, some raunchy Liv Tyler photos hit the scene, and let me tell you, they are some wild and crazy pictures!

Aww, I’m just joshin’ y’all!  I mean, not about the leaked pictures, because if you’ve got eyeballs, you can clearly see that there are some sexy pictures with this story, I’m just kidding about the raunch.  It turns out that both in the public eye and in private, Liv Tyler is one lovely, classy lady.

Also, one question, based solely on the photos:  Blake Lively or Liv Tyler?

Images courtesy of Starcasm

It sort of scares me how fast Kim Kardashian is moving with this whole engagement thing, is that weird?  Like if Kim were one of my girls, I would want to sit her down and have a good long chat with her to make sure that she knew what she wanted.  I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve spent such a considerable portion of my life looking at her ass, but I actually feel a little concerned for her.

This potential baby news comes a week after the news that Kim is getting married to her brand new fiance, Kris Humphries, in two months.  Here’s Kim’s quote on getting pregnant:

“I hope so, I really hope so. Maybe by the end of the year,” she told Us Weekly about the possibility of a growing belly. “Well, I won’t have [a baby] by the end of the year, but maybe we’ll start trying by the end of the year. After the wedding.”

What is your rush, girlfriend?  You are 30 years old, your uterus has another ten good years, at least, to cook up some babies.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Kim, please, just go back to talking about your ass and making me feel guilty and weird for finding you attractive, ok?  Stay engaged, stay happy, but just slow your roll, sister.  That’s all I want for you.