[image removed upon request]

This well-known vixen took it upon herself to steal some poor stormtrooper’s helmet at a party this past weekend.  I know the picture’s a little blurry, but you can still fap to it, Stars Wars nerds.  And you’re welcome.

Here are some hints:  I wouldn’t touch this particular lady with a ten foot pole, and if you were smart, you wouldn’t either. Also, if you’re turned on by this image, you could take it upon yourself to see a lot more of her in sexy video form.  Also, David Hasselhoff.

Give up?

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How are you guys feeling about that crazy little couple that could, Nikki Reed and Paul McDonald? They started dating in April, kept creeping through May, and got engaged in June. What a whirlwind romance, right?  What else could these wacky lovers get into this month?

One word: tattoos.

Yes, in the vein of many a young lover, Nikki and Paul got matching tattoos to commemorate their undying love for each other. Specifically, they got each other’s names tattooed on their right ring fingers.  Charming, right?

I don’t know, a lot of people don’t believe in these two, but I feel like I’ve got to.  I’ve got to stand up for this love, you guys, and I’m going to keep on standing for it until one of them gently passes away in the other’s arms, years and years from now, or Nikki get screwed for skipping the prenup. Whichever comes first.

And by “a couple,” I clearly mean “a couple hundred.”  Damn, Jennifer Lopez, you’re really comfortable going out in public in head to toe snakeskin? I don’t know, I think that’s pretty indicative of a problem. I mean, you are the lady who enjoys wearing nude jumpsuits and disco ball jumpsuits and atrocities of a more general nature, but really?

OH WAIT.  I understand now.  It’s a revenge ensemble.  You know, from that time that snake almost killed her.  Because really, what better way to say “fuck you” than by wearing someone’s friends?

It’s so early in the morning, and we’ve already cleared up some mysteries and learned some life lessons.  There’s no telling how far we can go today, guys.  The sky’s the limit.

We haven’t talked about dear, dear Taylor Momsen in a while. Ok, that’s a lie, we talked about her last week, but before that we hadn’t checked in on our lovely girl since April, and that just will not do.

The reason we haven’t talked about her so much here lately is that she hasn’t really been into a lot of trouble recently.  As far as I can tell, she’s just been playing with her band, living the dream.  That’s what these photos are all about – she played at a music festival this weekend – and I need to show you these images because I feel like you will love them just as much as me.  She’s back to the pasties, you guys! Look how fierce she is! She’s so adorable, right?!

I’m a really emotional person. Don’t play like you don’t know. And as an emotional person, I get really strong feelings about little things. And sometimes – you guys know where this is headed – I get real strong feelings about Tweets. Lame, right? Whatever.

Here we have Sarah Silverman praising the existence of Neil Patrick Harris.  Totally appropriate.  Neil has got to be one of the cutest people I’ve ever seen, and I too praise him whenever possible.

Pete Wentz needs the biggest hug that ever happened.  That’s all.

I have a really bad habit of developing an uncontrollable, consuming rage when I see people quote themselves, don’t you? If you say it, Usher, everyone knows you said it. That’s how talking works.

I don’t know if you guys could tell, but I am absolutely loving Emma Watson these days. She’s endearing, she’s beautiful – she’s everything I could ever want in an actor who I probably won’t care about in a year or two.  And it’s just dizzying.

If you’re a fan, I’d pick up Emma’s issue of Vogue, but for now here’s a few quotes and, of course her photos:

On life after Harry Potter: “I have had no control over my life,” she blurts out. “I have lived in a complete bubble. They found me and picked me for the part. And now I’m desperately trying to find my way through it.”

On Daniel Radcliffe: “He understood what his role was,” she says, “not just as an actor but as the leading man in this enormous franchise. And I think that was almost more important in a way. He held it all together. I am very grateful for him.”

Daniel Radcliffe on Emma: For his part, Radcliffe remembers the relationship as being  “very much like brother and sister, and when one or the other of us was having a tricky moment in our lives, it was often that we would confide in each other. We would also help each other with relationship advice; particularly funny were the moments when we would help each other compose texts to the most recent flames in either of our lives (not too flirty, but not too subtle either!). It was certainly a case of the blind leading the blind, but it was extremely funny.”

On romance: “I’m a feminist, but I think that romance has been taken away a bit for my generation. I think what people connect with in novels is this idea of an overpowering, encompassing love—and it being more important and special than anything and everything else.”

I love this girl.

Images courtesy of Vogue