Well color me disappointed. I went to go ahead and categorize this post and much to my chagrin, THERE WAS NO NORAH JONES CATEGORY. Meaning? There’s a 99% chance that we’ve never written about the fabulous Norah Jones on Evil Beet and that makes me sad. And incredulous. Because Norah Jones is, in my humble opinion, one of today’s most talented and entertaining singer/songwriters. I mean, girlfriend goes WAY THE FUCK past late-night karaoke staple ‘Come Away With Me.’ I mean, have you even heard of of ‘Sinking Soon‘? Dude. Enough said.

Anyway. Above you see Norah performing at the 15th annual Webby Awards, where she covered Johnny Cash’s ‘Ain’t No Grave (Can Hold This Body Down)’. This chick and her music totally rock my world – so much so that ‘Sinking Soon’? Is actually my RINGTONE.

It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address! (Oh, and check your email for your winner’s notice, too, OK?)

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s David Hasselhoff photo: Brandon
“Hello, is it me your looking for, I can see it in your eyes …”

First runner-up: Rob
“Now the Hoff can suck and be cool at the same time. At least for a couple minutes, then it will be back to just sucking.”

Second runner-up: Patricia
“You go near my beer, my hamburger or my video camera again, and I will kill you, Little Hoff…”

Congrats to Brandon, and by the way, BRANDON – you didn’t leave your email address, so shoot me a message with your mailing address and we’ll send out your prize. As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

That James Franco has his thumbs in every pie! The aspiring musician, Oscar nominee, and soap star most recently wowed the art world (?) with his bizarre Gucci billboard campaign.

Now Canadian comic book publisher Drawn and Quarterly, which publishes highbrow stuff by artists like Chris Ware, Dan Clowes, and journalist Joe Sacco, tweets that they “just received a submission from James Franco.”

What the…! How the…! Is James Franco trying to get into the comic book scene, too? Really?

Drawn and Quarterly adds that, although they are longtime Franco fans, a James Franco comic might be better-suited to Brooklyn-based hipster publisher Picture Box:

Um. Did Drawn and Quarterly really reject James Franco’s comic book via Twitter? Ouch.

Oh, Franco! You fly too close to the sun!

Hey! Remember when Jennifer Aniston started hanging out with Justin Theroux? Why, sure! But do you remember the part where Justin Theroux was still living with his girlfriend of 14 years, costume designer Heidi Bivens? Maybe! And do you remember the time Bivens’ own mother insisted Aniston’s rumored relationship with Theroux was “a big misunderstanding”? Oh, mom!

Today, Page Six reports that Theroux’s girlfriend — of, again, 14 years — has moved out of the home she shared with Theroux. Yikes. Understandably, Heidi Bivens hasn’t commented, but she is reportedly “heartbroken.”

Bivens shouldn’t be “heartbroken”; she should be livid. She should be furious that she learned about JustAnisTin (no?) along with the rest of us.

And isn’t the dramatic irony killing you? I hope Heidi Bivens decides to give an interview to every magazine. She should tell the world she’s been treated Bradly, and that she is no longer the Jolie — I mean, jolly — lady she once was, and that it is the total Pitts.

What I’m coyly saying is HOW DARE YOU, AND ESPECIALLY YOU, ANISTON.

Anyway, it gets uglier. Lainey suspects that Theroux, no longer content with his indie career, is just in it to win it. Theroux, of course, had major roles in David Lynch’s Inland Empire and Mulholland Drive, and Theroux himself penned the script for Tropic Thunder. He comes from a family of writers — he is nephew of esteemed travel writer Paul Theroux.

Mega-pregnant Tori Spelling wrecks her car. [The Superficial]

“Bishop” Eddie Long’s wife reportedly moves out on his ass. [Bossip]

Ben Roethlisberger and his Steeler friends are doing lots to keep busy during the lockout. [TMZ]

Pippa Middleton and her long-term boyfriend are no longer together – you know what that means, right? GINGER PUBE FEST! [Starpulse]

Rihanna and Drake spent the weekend together. [Lainey Gossip]

A review of the Tony Awards. [LA Times]

Liev Schrieber and Naomi Watts’s family is the cutest ever. [Socialite Life]

So now Jessica Biel and Colin Farrell are banging? [Yeeeah]

More stars go makeup-free. [Celebuzz]

15 Actors whose real accents might make your hair stand on end. [Pajiba]

Eva Longoria’s boobs are Photoshopped off for new magazine cover. [Amy Grindhouse]

Kirstie Alley already gaining weight back? [Cele|bitchy]

So now Tracy Morgan SUPPORTS gayness? [The Frisky]

Are you having a bad summer so far?  Do you need to have a little fun in the sun?  Then I suggest breaking a bunch of laws. That’s what Lindsay did, and she’s having the best summer ever! She’s been doing some modelling on her roof and hanging out in swimwear, and just this Sunday she had a sweet barbecue for her friends!  What more could a convict ask for?

What do you think will happen the next time Lindsay breaks the law and gets punished?  She’ll probably get put on house arrest in a carnival with a petting zoo and free cotton candy, huh?  But don’t worry, it would be a really tough punishment. Like, the Ferris wheel shuts down around 10:00 and it would probably take a few days for her to learn how to make the cotton candy all by herself.  God, the legal system in this country is so tough.