How hard has Lindsay’s acting career stalled? If you really need an in-depth analysis with regard to the answer, just watch the proceeding video. Then? Watch it again. After that, for good measure, watch it one more time. Then, try your hardest to tell me that this “talented actress” deserves anything more than permanent duct tape over her mouth, let alone a comeback. Ready? GO.

No, I don’t think I do want to see a Lindsay Lohan revival. I don’t think I’m particularly interested in knowing whether Lindsay’s acting chops are up to the task of being respectfully employed again. Because this kind of stuff? Is the BS I live for. This is classic, cracked-out, self-entitled, look-the-frig-at-me Lindsay Lohan and after all of this time, we see it’s WHO SHE IS.

Honestly, who could ask for anything more?

Check out the gallery for another No H8 photo of Lindsay, and then a few of her carrying a box of muffins in stupid-ass shoes, just because.

Huh. Some wonders never cease to amaze me. It’s surprising enough that Kristen Stewart goes to yoga classes (it’s a new thing for her, as far as I’m aware), but to wear YOGA PANTS? I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen this girl in anything but jeans (and couture dresses, but that’s a given in this LOB). Makes sense, though, I suppose – she would look a little funny trying to bend herself in a pretzel wearing skinny jeans and an overly-tight long-sleeved t-shirt. But I still wouldn’t put it past her, I guess, you know?

Yikes! Take a photo of Cheryl Cole, go to jail?

Cheryl Cole, from the British pop group Girls Aloud, managed to get a court injunction forbidding everybody from photographing her anywhere near her London home.

The court order itself, which lasts through 2011, is particularly foreboding: “Any person who knows of this order and disobeys this order will be in contempt of court and face imprisonment, fined and have their assets seized.” Hooooohhh-kay.

It is pretty nuts to have your fans arrested, even if some of them are annoying shutterbugs. Then again, Cheryl Cole’s yen for Private Time is understandable—she’s seriously had the worst summer.

The story so far: Cheryl Cole was tapped to be a judge on the U.S. version of Simon Cowell‘s X Factor. To prepare for her new role, she moved to LA, lost a ton of weight, and tried to tame her thick ‘Geordie’ accent. Then, just two months after the initial announcement, Cole was abruptly fired for reasons yet unknown. Worse, she was replaced by snippy little Nicole Scherzinger. (The whole debacle is especially humiliating because Simon Cowell can’t seem to shut up.)

Now some people are saying Cole is so embarrassed, she’s retiring from showbiz completely. Regardless, it’s probably difficult to lay low once you’ve papered your own home and neighborhood with threatening flyers. Total kooksville.

This is neither here nor there, but last year Cheryl Cole caught malaria. Yep. Malaria, and then everything else happened. I’d go nuts, too.

I am increasingly heartbroken about the death of Ryan Dunn. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Of course, with each new detail about the precise circumstances of his fatal car wreck—which also killed his passenger, Zach Hartwell—it can be harder and harder for some of us to sympathize, especially for those who have lost a loved one to somebody else’s senselessness. That’s real; those angry feelings are valid.

Still, when I see headlines like Bam Margera Collapses at Scene of Crash, I can’t help but feel just a tiny, tiny part of somebody else’s grief.

On Monday, Emily showed you Johnny Knoxville’s moving eulogy to Ryan Dunn. Now, Bam Margera—who had a mini-meltdown on Twitter when Roger Ebert insinuated Dunn could’ve picked better friends—has some words for E! Online:

What astonishes Margera even more was that this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.

“He flipped me in a car eight times at the same exact spot in 1996. Thank God I had my seat belt on, because Chris Raab put one on me, but my brother didn’t have one on. He flew 40 feet. Thank God he’s alive. But like, Dunn was always a maniac at driving,” he said.

Bam pulled out his cell phone and read aloud the last conversation he had with Dunn via text messages.

“Stopping for a beer, be there when I can,” was the last message sent from Dunn the night his accident occurred.

This exchange didn’t make it into E!’s transcript of the interview, but it’s in the video:

Interviewer: If there was a way to go back to the morning of that night, what would you say to Ryan?

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The speedy, neverending parade of A-list men continues: Olivia Wilde has moved on to yet another hot dude, all in one or two days. Her last “conquest” was said to be Jake Gyllenhaal, and prior to that, Justin Long. Prior to that, Bradley Cooper. Oh, and before that, it was Justin Timberlake. This is all in the last few weeks, too, I believe.

Olivia’s latest hot thang? Ryan Reynolds. Yup. He’s been sucked in. Seriously, I wonder what this girl’s got that has these guys all lined up to try for a piece. She have some kind of magic vadge? Is it gold-lined? Diamond encrusted? Emit sparks? Does she have super horny and share-y twin sisters hidden somewhere?

Girl, you need to EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

WHOA, Amber Rose. Just WHOA. I came across some of your photos today, girl, and you are NASTY. There’s “leaked nudes,” and then there’s “NASTY leaked nudes.” You, my friend? Fall into the second category for sure.

If you guys were all excited to see Blake Lively’s peach-fuzz-like butt, you’ll really get a kick out of seeing Amber Rose’s third brown eye, laws yes.

I’m warning you right now – like, right here, watch: WARNING!!!!! – these photos are way way explicit and are in no way, shape, or form suitable for work, public places, or even some of your private homes. This shit is THAT NASTY.

Jump in to partake in the nastiness, you nasty-ass.

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