The one in which Amy Poehler makes me cry. [The Frisky]

Alas, welcome to Charlie Sheen’s house of porn. [The Superficial]

Kate Winslet: SO HOT right now. [Lainey Gossip]

Donald Trump claims tells you why the President’s birth certificate is fake. [Bossip]

Is Reese Witherspoon pregnant? [Cele|bitchy]

So this is what Justin Bieber’s tattoo means, huh? [Huff Po]

Ice T’s wife has a fashion line now. LOL [The Frisky]

The latest rap world feud: Chelsea Handler and Diddy? [Celebuzz]

So I guess Chyna’s doing porn again? [Yeeeah]

Just like the royals, this wedding will be televised too. [IDLYITW]

Maria Shriver ditches her wedding ring. [INFDaily]

Raven-Symone going overboard with the weight loss? [Amy Grindhouse]

Is Lee Dewyze too good for American Idol now? [LA Times]

But don’t take it like I think she’s clean or anything – she probably just substituted her daily thousand-calorie alcoholic beverages with a few extra bumps of coke and that’s why she looks like this now. I’m sure, in a few months when the numbness of her gums wear off, we’ll see girlfriend put some major water weight back on. I’m confident.

In the meantime, expect to see lots of nipple-flashing, tooth losing, down and dirty fun, courtesy of the Original Late-Nineties Party Girl, Tara Reid, ’cause that’s just what coke does to this bitch.

What do you reckon is in that big old bag of hers?

Nah, you guys know I’d never throw my girl Scarlett under the bus for anything. Especially anything as FABULOUS as this clown- and icon-themed photo shoot she did for W magazine, you know? FABULOUS.

I mean, she’s done some questionable things in the past, namely marrying that douchey Ryan Reynolds (which she amended), getting a really fucking stupid tattoo on the inside of her forearm of all places (which just HAS to go) …

But this? Pure gold. Seriously. GOLD.

There’s hardly anything that this girl can’t do.

So January Jones is just about the most flawless looking pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. Just gonna cut to that part of this whole post ASAP, because I truly don’t understand why the dude who put that kid in her isn’t making announcements like, “EXCUSE ME, EARTH! EXCUSE ME, I GOT THAT HOT CHICK FROM MAD MEN PREGNANT!”

For those of you who have no idea what’s going on: January’s pregnant and no one knows who the dad is. Some people are saying it’s a dude from Saturday Night Live, others are saying it’s the director of X-Men and honestly? It’s not really any of our business, but it’s fun to try and guess who put their you-know-what in her you-know-what and made a kid.

Either way, chick’s bangin’.

And by that headline I mean, “Of course I have no proof that he’s actually sticking it to her, but if you’ve ever had sex in your life you can tell me what these two must be doing behind closed doors after looking at these pictures.”

I’ve been saying it forever. The Victoria’s Secret shopping sprees, the PDA, the pancakes, it all adds up. But if you needed any more proof that these two are getting their swerve on, then look at these photos. That is some raw sexuality right there. Her bikini-covered pelvis smashed into his waist as their mouths connect and he carries her through the ocean knowing full well that there’s most likely a camera crew near by?

Watch your back, Selena. Those Bielibers are ruthless.

Courtney Love, the woman who will not stop giving golden quotes, has done it again, and this time it’s on the topic of her late husand, Kurt Cobain.  Or more specifically, his penis.

“Kurt had more presence and more beauty than Brad Pitt – who wanted to play Kurt, by the way. He was a leader, he was strong, in fact he was well fucking hung, if you really want to know.

I know that there are a ton of people who will hear this and then cry while masturbating, and that’s who this is for.  Kurt was packing, ladies and gentlemen.  Let that little tidbit of good news carry you through the evening and into your Friday.  God bless.