“I’ll say this: The media wasn’t invited to my marriage, and they’re definitely not invited into the divorce. Anyone who gets divorced goes through a lot of pain, but you come out of it. I’m not out of it yet. At all. But I sense that as I do come through it, there’s optimism. How can there not be? I don’t think I want to get married again, but you always reevaluate these things. Any kind of crisis can be good. It wakes you up. I gotta say, I’m a different person than I was six months ago.”

Pretty refreshing, huh, the way that Ryan Reynolds claims that everything’s not always wine and roses, crap happens, and when there’s dark times, sometimes they’re, well … dark.

Ryan opened up recently to Details magazine, where he talked about everything from maple syrup, to the obligatory topic of his divorce, to his role in the Green Lantern movie.

I’m still a Scarlett fan, and out of respect to Ryan and his forthright-ness, I’m not going to speculate (uh, much) about what happened between the two of them, but I will say: at this point, it’s apparent to me that Ryan was probably perfectly happy in the couple’s two-year marriage, and that Scarlett was definitely the one who instigated everything. It’s a shame when that kind of stuff happens, but sometimes? It just does. And even though Scarlett’s my girl, I’m going to have to face the cold, hard facts and admit that Ryan DEFINITELY came out of this one looking better, ’cause who’s gonna argue that?

So, late yesterday afternoon, Lindsay Lohan was (like, rather sneakily, right?) photographed hanging out on the roof of her Venice townhouse, where it’s reported that she has a pretty wicked view of the ocean. Apparently, Lindsay’s trying to bring her house arrest/alcohol monitoring bracelet back in vogue, just based on the way she’s strutting her stuff and putting the bitch on display. I can fondly remember a time when, if I heard that someone I knew was on house arrest, I’d be like ‘Wow, that’s totally fucking trashy. Remind me not to invite that scuz to my next Christmas party,’ or whatever. But Lindsay? She’s an ICON, so she PULLS IT OFF, doesn’t she?

No? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Still trashy.

Either way, there’s no place like home, girl.

Images courtesy of TMZ

And I don’t mean her fiancé, Kris Humphries (man, of COURSE he spells his name with a K).

The ring? Let’s talk about this some more, and how inappropriate it is. How seriously ugly, fake-looking and over-the-top it is. I’m a fan of classy, and I’m sorry, but unless you’re Madam Maxime, there’s no pulling this off whatsoever.

The happy pair of lovebirds were photographed publicly for the first time together since announcing their engagement, and of course Kim took every opportunity to flash the gigantic emerald-shaped diamond that, you know, would STILL be fucking obvious even if she tried to hide it in her ass. That, my friends? Is how you know that this sucker is just positively HUGE.

Fun fact: I used to be totally obsessed with Degrassi: The Next Generation. I moderated a Degrassi message board, I downloaded the episodes illegally before they aired in the states, I knew who Drake was before his character was even in a wheelchair and I avidly remember when Spike and Snake finally got together.

Obviously a part of me was excited when I saw the preview today for the ELEVENTH season of show (this show has been on for like, 30+ years at this point, huh?) but then I realized… I have no freakin’ idea who any of these kids are. I don’t know their story lines (isn’t one of them transgendered or something?) and I don’t care about them.

I know they couldn’t have let poor Emma give blowjobs in the back of vans until she was 25 or anything, but doesn’t it suck to see how this show totally morphs every 3 years or so? How are we supposed to shut the door on these characters? Anyone care to explain to me in the comments what’s going on?

I still totally ship Cranny, BTW.

Apparently Nikki Reed doesn’t care for my advice, because she was seen out last night holding hands with American Idol‘s #1 Creeper, Paul McDonald.

Of course I don’t know whether or not Paul is actually a skeezy dude, but he gives me super weird vibes and I think he might be a little bit of a user. I’m not happy that Scotty took home the American Idol grand prize, but I’m just glad it wasn’t Paul. I don’t think I’d be comfortable having this dude sneak on to my radar for the next several years. At least I’m pretty sure that once Nikki comes to her senses, he’ll fade into obscurity like the rest of the Idols.

Kendra Wilkinson is thinking about having her second child with husband Hank Baskett (guess those break-up rumors are as false as her titties,) but she’s not doing all of the traditional mommy prep that we normally hear about. Nope, the girl’s just getting wasted with her husband, going at it and hoping that a baby comes out of it.

When asked about her plans for getting pregnant again, Kendra told People, “Hank and I need a couple more drunken nights. We need to get drunk and have crazy sex a couple more times.”

Totally, Kendra. Just slam back those Malibu Bay Breezes until you can’t feel anything and then have at it.