I know you were all just dying to know what your girl Tara Reid‘s been up to, and I can say with conviction, that it’s way better than any crazy thing you could think of. What could possibly top the (NSFW) Frankenboob incident? A lame tooth. Literally, a lame tooth.

According to In Touch Weekly:

It seems nothing — and we mean nothing — can ruin a good time for party girl extraordinaire Tara Reid. According to an eyewitness at the Oasis Beach Club in India, Alkif., on April 14, Tara, 35, was having a ball when one of her front teeth popped out. Instead of calling it a night, “Tara got on her hands and knees and searched the floor,” says the witness, “and when she found it, she pulled out some glue, glued it back in and just continued partying!”

That, my friends? Is what you call hardcore. I mean, I was pretty hardcore back in the day with my partying, and I might have lost a contact or something, found it on the floor and popped it in my mouth to clean it off before putting it back in my eye, but a TOOTH? Jeez. That’s some serious shit right there, you guys.

Arianny Celeste in a bikini – that’s all. [The Superficial]

He really does have a great ass, doesn’t he. [Lainey Gossip]

Is Beyonce wigged out over Jay-Z‘s past flings? [Bossip]

Taylor Momsen – smoking with Ma Dukes. [Cele|bitchy]

What actor is slated to play the devil? [The Frisky]

Uma Thurman: what the fuck IS this? [Amy Grindhouse]

This chick’s tit piercings just look so damned painful. [Drunken Stepfather] *Site is NSFW

Emma Roberts – is she really dating this dude? [Celebuzz]

Just what I wanted to see first thing in the morning – Jennifer Aniston boobs. [INFDaily]

Have you seen these photos yet? Because apparently, they’re the height of Royal scandal. Pippa Middleton, who is Kate Middleton‘s sister and was also Maid of Honor in the Royal Wedding, has been EXPOSED! UNLEASHED! Frankly, she’s just GONE OFF THE RAILS! As you can see from these photos, girlfriend has a seedy past, and no one quite knows where or when these photos were taken – aside from the obvious ‘in her bra.’

My thoughts? Who gives a crap. Pippa’s cute and perky, and she seems fun. It’s not eighteen-fucking-twelve anymore, guys – and it’s not like she was showing her tits all over Girls Gone Wild or some shit.

Photos courtesy of Whitehotpix/ZUMAPRESS.com

Here are photos of Kim Kardashian wearing something that resembles something that I used to sleep in when I was, like, eight. The only difference here is that my romper-thing was lavender, and it wasn’t nearly as tight around the ass as hers so obviously is. And my heavens, what an ass that is! I’m not quite sure that I’ve ever truly seen Kim Kardashian’s ass at a full-on angle like this before, but I know that I’ll probably never look at another ass the same way.

Like, EVER IN MY LIFE.

You know, I know that we’re living in the day and age where MTV is more known for its stupid reality shows about grungy teenagers getting pregnant and dropping out of high schoolev, so I should probably be THANKFUL that there’s an artist out there like Lady Gaga who’s willing to actually make artistic music videos, but I’m too busy cleaning splashes of Rich Milk Chocolate out of the crevices of my keyboard to truly appreciate the creativity that went into this project.

I mean, if I were to be super offensive I’d say that this video might be either the gayest or the most retarded thing I’ve ever seen, but I’m not completely rude like that. Yet. So instead, I’m going to say that this video was definitely the cheesiest thing since Whiz.

But thanks for the laughs, Gaga. It’s always good to wake half up half the house in the wee hours of the morning with a maniacal laugh and a choking sputter.

Hey, Blake Shelton. Sure went and got your name in the news, huh?

If you guys missed it, Blake Shelton (a country-singing dude who’s engaged to a country-singing chick you might know by the name of Miranda Lambert) went on a creative bender via Twitter last night where he craftily rewrote lyrics to one of Shania Twain‘s hit song, ‘Any Man of Mine.’ Shania’s version states:

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time

And Blake Shelton’s witty quip cries:

Any man that tries touching my behind, he’s gonna be a beaten, bleedin,’ heaving kind of guy.

That’s just wow.  Really.  It’s almost as cute as the guys in my sixth grade gym class who thought it was totally funny to sing crude words in place of ‘*Do Your Ears Hang Low’.

In other words? Completely un-funny.

Later, Shelton went on to apologize, but the damage was already done:

“It honestly wasn’t even meant that way… I now know that their (sic) are people out there waiting to jump at everything I say on here or anywhere.”

Well you know, Blake, generally when people make violent comments in public regarding venomous violence against another man who – accidentally or not – touches your bottom, it usually results in being scrutinized by those who see it or hear it, you know?

*Do your balls hang low/can you tie ‘em in a knot/can you beat your meat against the toilet seat/can you tie ‘em in a knot/can you tie ‘em in a bow/do your balls/hang/low?