Oh, and just to clarify, I’m being ironic when I call Charlie “father of the year,” it’s not like that time that Michael Lohan actually won a Father of the Year award. It’s a crazy world, and clarification is necessary sometimes.
As you probably know, there have been some problems between Charlie and his ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, on the topic of their children, the two-year-old twin boys, Bob and Max. They’ve been working out custody and the terms of their divorce for a few months now, and this weekend is the first that Charlie gets to spend with the boys since March. Since Charlie is such a sweetheart, he’s spending his time teaching the kids some valuable lessons:
Charlie says he’s spending the weekend expanding the boys’ vocabulary: “I am teaching them words, because they’re speaking now. I’m teaching them the word ‘rehab’ so they always know where their mom is.”
What a gem, right? How could this guy be the same guy who pulled a knife on his lady over “Drops of Jupiter”? I tell you, it takes a caring and considerate man to take the time to nurture and educate his children like this, and let it be known right this second that Charlie Sheen is that man.
Now, I’ve never done a blind item before because I’m usually laughably terrible at them, but this one was just so painfully obvious to me, and it also gives me a chance to do one of my very favorite things. Ok, I’ve already said too much, so just read the story and then we’ll discuss it:
This star is part of an ensemble cast that gets together every once in a while to hang out. Our star is not the brightest star of the bunch but she is one of the nicest. Because she is so nice, and generally well liked by every body in the group it’s caused some jealousy issues with one of the cattier stars. The jealousy boiled over after the group hung out several weeks ago and the jealous actress had a few drinks in her. She got her hands on a used tampon and put it on the driver’s seat of the nice celeb’s car. When the nice star was walked out to her car by the group, everyone saw it and although she denied it was hers, everyone was still grossed out.
Um, Lea Michele and any other actress from Glee, right? Lea has a solid history of attention whoring and self-importance, and I don’t think she’d be above handling a used tampon out of jealousy. I mean, if you guys watch Grey’s Anatomy or The Hills and have some inside scoop, let me know, but until then, I’m going to choose to believe that Lea Michele is That Girl who is crazy bitch enough to do this sort of thing.
“One should dry-hump as much as possible. It leads to great things. I’d prescribe at least once per day. What’s also nice about dry humping is that it can happen anywhere.”
I don’t know if I agree with Cameron on the magnitude of dry humping. Maybe that’s because I was a total prude until, like, a year ago, and I had a few traumatic run-ins with the infamous dry hump in those pivotal years prior. Since I feel like this is such a safe place, I’m going to go ahead and open this post up as a forum for discussing dry humping. Here, I’ll start.
- I had my very first boyfriend when I was 16, and since he made a promise to Jesus, the only thing we could do was make out and dry hump. That might have been ok, but he was really awkward about it and just sort of floundered around and it always only lasted about five minutes before he suddenly had to excuse himself to the bathroom. Oh, and he also turned out to be my cousin.
- When I was 18, my new boyfriend (who I was not related to) decided to pull the dry hump card, but I was such a prude with a limited amount of experience, I had no idea what he was doing. ”To what end?” I asked myself as he went about his business. Finally, I asked him what he was doing, and he felt like the biggest creeper to ever creep. We broke up a couple weeks after that.
- A few months after that, I found myself nestled in a twin bed with my unwaveringly gay male friend and my questioningly bisexual male friend. Have you ever tried to share a twin bed with two other people? Add dry humping into that, and it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
So really, I don’t know – is dry humping really so great, or is it only great when you get to dry hump people like Matthew Morrison and Justin Timberlake? Let’s get this conversation started, guys, I think we can get some valuable discussion going.
Take Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson up there, then throw in Marlon Brando, and you have the main characters in the best story I’ve ever heard.
Picture it: September 10th, 2001. Michael Jackson has a concert at Madison Square Garden, and, of course, he invites his besties, Liz and Marlon. The three have a grand night, but the next morning, 9/11 happens. They try to get a private jet to take them out of New York, and when that couldn’t happen, they settled for the next best thing: road trip!!!
Liz did the smart road trip move, the move I always pull, and hung out in the backseat while the boys drove. Do you think she waved at other cars and recklessly tried to reach the radio because she was over listening to whatever bullshit Michael wanted to jam? That’s what I do. Anyway, Marlon was the bitch of the road trip, the one who kept wanting to stop at KFC. I’m not even speculating there, Marlon Brando really did love his KFC that much. Vanity Fairsaid so.
They made it to Ohio before they decided it was all right to stop the grand adventure, and what an adventure it must have been.
This whole magical tale came to lightafter Vanity Fair interviewed some of Liz’s pals for a little retrospective in next month’s issue. And just in case you have any doubts to the legitimacy of this story, let me just tell you that Corey Feldman backed it up. And, like many other great men, Corey Feldman cannot tell a lie.
In an inspired combination of two of your favorite things, Glee did their very own cover of that classic Rebecca Black tune, “Friday.” I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with the show (I haven’t, but I caught the first half of last week’s episode because I missed my wheelchair jailbait rapper boyfriend, Artie), but there’s some mad dramz going down. I imagine the boys will provide some much needed comedic relief with their version of this hit song, right before Lea Michele ruins the whole show with her bitchy face and bad attitude some more.
Are you guys still watching Glee? Does the mere mention of Rebecca Black make you want to jump off a bridge? You guys gotta let me know these things.
I would like to tell you that the term “retard” is very offensive to me. I am not offended because I ASSUME it would offend someone who has mental retardation. I am offened on how the word came to...
I am not offended that Rosie has a fear or anxiety of LP. I feel that when someone knows very little about things and or people they tend to be anxious. Think about it if you had never been around someone...
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