Miley Cyrus wears a bikini in Brazil. Told you it was the end of days. [The Superficial]

Can somebody please explain to me what the fuck Chris Brown is wearing? [Bossip]

Adele and Rachel peeing? [Lainey Gossip]

Lea Michele‘s temper gets out of control, embarrasses people in public. [Cele|bitchy]

Carrie Fisher‘s massive weight loss. [Huffington Post]

Johnny Depp‘s wax figure debuts! [Celebuzz]

Jillian Michaels on pregnancy: ‘I can’t handle doing that to my body.’ Vain bitch, right? [The Frisky]

Sex has been banned in Flordia. Seriously. [The Frisky]

Leonardo DiCaprio: trying to sleep with Ashley Greene? [IDLYITW]

Catherine Zeta-Jones: looking shiny, happy, healthy, and has ALSO lost some weight. [INFDaily]

Katy Perry is one of FHM‘s 100 sexiest. [Amy Grindhouse]

Michael Keaton will ALWAYS ALWAYS love Beetlejuice. [LA Times]

Image via Just Jared

I guess we can stop referring to them as “dem babies” and start calling them by their given names, but do you guys realize how much effort it takes to type “Monroe and Moroccan” without having a physical reaction to those awful names?  A lot, that’s how much.

But we don’t need to focus on my discomfort, we need to focus on how Nick Cannon can’t stop running his mouth about Mariah and his children. First off, Nick gave an interview to E! about how Moroccan’s name sounds “kind of like my name and Mariah’s name phonetically together,” and confidently stated that “we did a good job on the names. They ain’t gonna be mad at us when they grow up.”  Personally, I think it’s cute how optimistic Nick is, but also acknowledge that in about sixteen years or so, there’s going to be a young man with some social anxiety or anger issues who goes only by Mo.

Next, Nick made an appearance on Oprah’s BFF‘s show, set to air on Friday, and he discussed the atmosphere of the delivery room:

“Now my wife wanted to make sure that when the babies came out, that they came out not only to a Mariah Carey song, but a live performance from Mariah Carey — her Madison Square performance of ‘Fantasy’ — so they came out to a round of applause.”

Classic Mariah.  Speaking of classic Mariah, can you guess what Nick got her for her very first Mother’s Day?  Why, a tacky diamond and sapphire necklace with dem babies’ names on it, of course!

Can you guys believe how magical these kids’ lives are going to be?!

Usually when we play the Love It or Leave It game around here, it’s to criticize some poor celebrity’s questionable fashion or tragic makeup.  But not this time.  This time, we’re going to examine this ridiculous picture of Miley and Tish Cyrus, their beachwear, their tattoos, and their weird relationship.  So really, I guess the title of this piece should be “Love It or Leave It: Miley And Her Mom And Their Whole Life.”

I’ll toss out a couple of statements to get the conversation started, and you guys just run with whatever feels right, ok?

- Have you ever met a well-adjusted adult with a full back tattoo of angel wings?  I’m not saying it can’t be done, I’m just saying that I’ve never seen it.

- I feel like I’ve seen mother-daughter duos just like Miley and Tish (or maybe Miley and Tish themselves) get into fights over who got to ride the patriotic bald eagle on the carousel at Dollywood, and I don’t trust people that get into fights at Dollywood.

- Miley’s dreamcatcher looks kind of like a sea creature here, doesn’t it?

And now you go!

Aw, man, in news that couldn’t suck more, this is really up there: both Ashton Kutcher and CBS have alluded to the idea that Kutcher will be taking over Charlie Sheen‘s vacant role in Two and a Half Men. After a deal with Hugh Grant reportedly fell through (and I personally think a witty, hot British man is EXACTLY what the show just happens to need), Ashton swooped in to take a chance, and producers and executives have given it the OK so far:

Two sources close to the deal-making tell The Hollywood Reporter that the actor is putting the final touches on a deal to replace Charlie Sheen as the star of TV’s No. 1 comedy. CBS, studio Warner Bros. and Kutcher’s reps at CAA declined to comment on the situation but a deal is said to be all but signed. The exact dollar figure he will be paid is not known but a source says Kutcher is getting a “huge payday” to join the hit sitcom.

Even Ashton isn’t really trying to hide it – yesterday, he tweeted ‘What’s the square root of 6.25?’ (The answer, of course, is two and a half.)

Honestly? I’m not all that happy about this. I was an avid That 70′s Show fan, and it took me YEARS to take Ashton Kutcher seriously. Now it seems like he’s probably going to reprise his Michael Kelso-ish role, and I just don’t know WHAT to think.

This is too much to handle on a Friday.

This is pretty commendable: Actor Matthew Perry, who previously did three stints in rehab for alcohol abuse and prescription pill addiction, is going back to rehab but not because he relapsed, he just wants to continue his recovery process.

In a public statement, Matthew said, “I’m making plans to go away for a month to focus on my sobriety and to continue my life in recovery. Please enjoy making fun of me on the World Wide Web.”

Basically Matthew’s doing more than just the standard AA and NA treatments. He’s putting his money to good use and aggressively ensuring that he’s living his life sober. He also seems to have a pretty good handle on how the Internet reacts to the news of ANYONE going to rehab, even if they’re not some total fuck up.

Sorry I had to start the day with such positive news, I know that that’s probably not what you were hoping for. ;)

Hint:  it’s a Backstreet Boy, and he paid far too much for it.

Give up?  It’s A.J.!  Of course the one who just went to rehab would think that Vampire Lindsay Lohan is a valuable piece of art. Crackheads got to stick together, you know.  But that’s not even the best part – guess how much he paid for it.  I’ll give you another hint:  the photo brought in almost as much money as Justin Bieber’s hair.  GIVE UP?!

“Between $30,000 and $40,000.” The world is a crazy ass place, huh?  But hey, I’m glad we could play this guessing game, I had fun.  See you guys tomorrow.