Mike Meyers‘ rep told the New York Post yesterday that the comedian is expecting his first child with his new wife Kelly Tisdale (no relaysh to Ashley that I know of, but I guess that would be cool.) The news came shortly after Kelly was seen out-and-about in New York with a baby bump and “glowing.”

This is great news for Mike, who I’ve enjoyed since Wayne’s World and who I was kinda depressed to hear was getting a divorce from his ex-wife Robin a few years back. The two were together for 12 years and her mother served as the inspiration for Mike’s famous “Coffee Talk” bit on Saturday Night Live.

This should be fun. If ScarJo is actually knocked up, their babies should be around the same age.

“When I was 17, I was going around touring around the world performing, and for the kickoff for one of our tours, I was eating the food that gave me food poisoning. So I got, like, midway through the show, and I just remember my stomach starting bubbling. So I just remember dancing and onstage in the midst of all that, I … is it like sharted? The crowd didn’t know it, and I had like an outfit change coming up, so I said, ‘Yeah, I can hold it out one more song,’ and this is real disgusting and too descriptive, it was just … I just remember it running down my leg.”

-Chris Brown, in his upcoming episode of the MTV show When I Was 17.

This couldn’t make any more sense considering that Chris is, figuratively, a pretty shitty person. Makes sense that it’s literal, too. And hey, I think he just got Fergie off the hook for peeing her pants on stage for like, life.

Ashlee Simpson posted the above photo to Twitter yesterday with the caption, “Writing sesh on the balcony. My album doesn’t seem so far away…”

A few years ago, I would have maybe been secretly excited about this ’cause, I’ll admit it, I was totally taken with Ashlee when she first came out with her MTV reality show. Her first album had some summer jams, okay? And the second album was fun. That “L.O.V.E” song? Maybe I was just a drunk college student at the time or something… but now?

After seeing the way Ashlee treated her on-again husband Pete and reading other unsavory items about her, I kind of can’t imagine that she has anything to say that I’d like to hear.

Is there any way you’d get pumped over a new Ashlee Simpson album, or is this going to be Melrose Place part 2 for her?

The Hollywood Reporter is saying that American Idol fans are pissed that James Durbin was sent home on last night’s show, but this Idol fan couldn’t be any happier.

James never really did it for me. I felt like his whole shtick was very one-note, and that his personality became less and less likable each time he took to the stage. There was something grandstand-y and cocky about him that I just couldn’t handle. On top of all of that and probably most importantly, I couldn’t imagine what a James Durbin album would sound like. Some artists can pull off a sound that’s a tribute to a time long ago, but I don’t see hair band-style wailing making a comeback any time soon. There’s really no place for it on today’s radio dial (except for 80s rock tribute stations.)

After Wednesday’s show I was fearful that Haley, who’d mouthed off to the judges over their harsh criticisms of her performance, was going to be the one to go, but she’s totally sticking around for the top three (and should take the whole thing, as far as I’m concerned.)

A Haley/Lauren/Scotty finale seems just about perfect to me (I would switch out Scotty for Emily’s future husband Casey, if I really had a choice,) but what do you think? Let me know in the poll and the comments how you feel about the large eared James hitting the bricks…

Of course Nicki Minaj‘s outtakes from her BlackBook shoot are better than most people’s best photos. Of course, right? Nicki is fun, funny and facially flawless. And obviously we can never stop talking about her butt.

These serve no purpose other than pure eye candy, so enjoy…

I know it’s been awhile so you both probably forgot, but you guys were acquainted at one time before. Actually, you knew one another quite well. Some (like me) might even say that you guys were practically indistinguishable from one another.

For awhile, though, it seems that there was a rift by the name of ‘Art’ that separated the two of you, and you both became strangers to one another.

Thankfully, however, I can see that you’ve both been able to overcome your differences and now see the light: where there’s a hotness, there’s a Joaquin once more and for that? Well, fuck. I am just tickled – even if you ARE prematurely grey, Joaquin. I mean, I am too. So I guess that means something. Something like that we should sleep together or something. You know. Something like that.