Let’s take a guess as to what it’s going to smell like. I’m thinking something like ABC gum (har har har), nocturnal emissions, and … pencil shavings. Yup.

And you know what? Justin himself claims that the scent is a ‘fruity gourmand,’ so I’m probably pretty close with my guess. And also, what teenager (aside from the ones who have NYU lit graduates as publicists) uses the word ‘gourmand’? I’m no idiot, but I had to Google that shit to make sure I read it right. I’m sure I could have whipped out my good old context clue skills to figure out what he specifically meant by this, but THIS IS THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY, guys. NO ONE has to think for themselves anymore, you know?

Anyway, the perfume is called ‘Someday,’ and while Justin himself didn’t create it, he had a large hand in how the concept came to life:

“Let’s be real, the way a girl smells is very important to a guy! I have such a deep connection with my fans, so creating a fragrance that I personally love is another way I can bring them closer to my world.”

Yes, let’s be real, shall we?: there’s no fucking way I’d spend $55 on ANYTHING even remotely related to Justin Bieber.

Spoiler alert: the majority of American Idol voters have no idea what good music sounds like.

In case you couldn’t tell by my anger and disappointment, last night Haley Reinhart got voted off the show.  You know what that means?  It means that the finale is going to feature Lauren and Scotty.  And that is, pardon my eloquence, dumb as a box of rocks.

It’s not that I think Lauren and Scotty are bad people, it’s just … really?  Was the rest of the country watching the same show that I was watching?  I sincerely don’t get it.  But as a friend said to console me, it’s ok, Haley’s definitely getting a record deal, she’s going to be just fine.  And as another friend said to console me when Casey Abrams went home, it’s better that the good ones don’t win the competition – just look at how successful Adam Lambert is compared to whoever it was who beat him.

I still don’t get how more people like Scotty “Baby, Lock Them Doors” McCreery more than Haley, but it’ll be ok, I’ll get over it eventually.  But in the meantime, can you explain yourself, America?

First of all, no, I don’t know how I got so entitled, especially when it comes to Oprah. Secondly, I probably think the farewell show lacks the star-power and bedazzling fun that I expected it to have because I’m terrified about the program ending in the first place and therefore impossible to please.

What did I want? I don’t know, maybe she could have done another Favorite Things or brought back that girl from earlier this season who lived the first seven years of her life in a dog cage. Maybe Nancy, Tom Cruise’s #1 fan could have been on the show with the couch jumper yet again. I dunno. I guess a musical number with Rosie O’Donnell and Dr. Phil just isn’t enough to keep me happy.

Check out the photos in the gallery and let me know what you’re dying to see (or what you think is missing from this whole shebang) in the comments…

To be totally honest, I’ve been doing these American Idol polls for the last few weeks mostly because I can’t wait until like, 10 PM to hear the show’s results and I always think I’m going to get a feel for what’s going to happen if I ask you guys.

My friend Richard told me he’s pretty convinced that Scotty’s got the top three on lock and he would know because he’s basically the #1 American Idol expert. I personally cannot wrap my head around this because I don’t understand who Scotty’s audience is (do teenage girls really give a shit about croony old country music?) and I think Haley is just so clearly the best in the competition. I also think little Lauren brings a lot to the table, what with her only being 16 (adorable!) and after her town was recently devastated by a tornado, she cried on the show. Teens, tornados and tears are the three Ts of being a champion in this game, I’m thinkin’.

But seriously, guys? If Haley doesn’t take this thing I’m going to do something real drastic. I just cant understand why they didn’t shut down the whole competition and cut the season short after hearing her rendition of “House of the Rising Sun” last week.

So what do you think?

Who is that easy-breezy Hollywood starlet steppin’ out at LAX? Why it’s little Dakota Fanning, all grown up, lookin’ like a regular ol’ L.A. gal with those carefully torn boyfriend jeans and chunky platforms.

Check out that luggage with the LVs and the Ray-Ban-ish glasses. There’s a girl who truly gets how to incorporate contemporary style into her day-to-day look! Sure, she’s wearing shoes that border on Gaga and the light pink really doesn’t do much for her skin tone, but hey! She’s been famous since she was four and she could buy all of us, so who am I to say anything?

But for real: Aren’t you glad this girl seems kinda normal? Remember when she was coming up and people were like, “Oh, that girl’s going to be CRAZY once she’s older?” Everyone seemed to think that about her and the little dude from The Sixth Sense and only one of them wound up being a total failure.

Props, Dakotez!

Leave it to Janice Dickinson to spend a nice night out to dinner in Southampton making waiters, patrons and pals look for her teeth. Yup, the bitch lost her teeth and made everyone there (including Kourtney Kardashian and her gross boyfriend Scott) crawl around and dig through trash until they turned up.

The World’s First Supermodel (rolling my eyes) told the New York Post:

“I was so excited talking to [my friend] that I put my teeth in my napkin, and then I couldn’t find them! Did they fall into the soup? These things are so expensive they could feed a small village. Age sucks and thank God my boyfriend wasn’t there. OMG, no one wants a snaggletooth.”

“Age sucks” followed by “thank God my boyfriend wasn’t there” and an “OMG?”

Janice you freakin’ kill me. Don’t worry girl, I’m pretty sure that the your maturity level will never catch up to the creases in your face and you’re only as old as you feel, right?

The only part of this story I like is that Scott Disick had to paw through dirty napkins.