I would have guessed that J-Woww would have been the first of the Jersey Shore girls to get knocked up (and like, keep the baby,) but TMZ told us today that the show’s first mom is actually going to be Angelina Pivarnick.

Angelina, who left the show during its second season because she had “trust issues” with the rest of the cast (great instincts, right? Those will surely come in handy soon,) is pregnant with the child of her fiance, Dave Kovacs. The two became engaged back in February, and while no due date has been announced, I’m pretty sure that the it’s not a total coincidence that she just so happens to be pregnant. Shore-side shotgun wedding, anyone?

I have to admit that I really haven’t seen much of Jersey Shore and I’m not totally familiar with Angelina (isn’t she like, the least famous of the bunch?) but is there even a remote chance that this woman is capable of raising a child? I mean, score one for her for getting the hell out of that mess, but could someone who’s participated in binge drinking, fist pumping and on-air sex possibly be mom material?

You might be surprised by the most recent photos of Jessica Simpson. Bu then again, you might not. [The Superficial]

Uh, who says Boyfriend jeans aren’t sexy? [Lainey Gossip]

You’ll never believe who’s in line to take custody of MJ’s kids when Grandma croaks. [Bossip]

Blake Lively goes redhead. [ICYDK]

Megan Fox is FINALLY removing that STUPID tattoo. [Amy Grindhouse]

America’s Next Top Model is going all-star! [The Frisky]

Alicia Keys: director? [Caught on Set]

So I guess we’re so assume that Chris Hemsworth has a HUGE GIGANTIC PENIS? [Celebuzz]

So did he DROP his kid or did he THROW his kid? Big difference. [IDLYITW]

Paul Bettany – getting hotter and hotter every day. [Pajiba]

Here’s your daily crazy Lea Michele. [I'm Not Obsessed]

And this is Kate Hudson‘s massive engagement ring. [Socialite Life]

Does Sarah Jessica Parker have one of the hottest bodies in Hollywood? [INFDaily]

You guys, the royal wedding is so close.  On this very Friday, Prince William is finally going to put that ring on Kate Middleton‘s patient finger, and it’s going to be spectacular.  Of course, it takes a certain kind of person to be so pumped for this sort of thing, and, wouldn’t you know it, dear Robert is one of those people:

Robert, 24, told British Radio Times magazine: ‘It’s going to be hard [for her] because people will lay responsibilities on her that seem totally irrelevant. You can’t mess up, either. As an actor, you can kind of mess up – but not if you’re a royal.

‘I have always liked the members of the royal family who couldn’t care less what anyone thinks: the ones who go, ‘I’m royalty, so shut up!’ That’s one of the coolest things about England, I think, that we still have this crazy old system in place.’

And Rob says he will be tuning in to watch the wedding.

He added: ‘Yes, I’ll definitely be watching the royal wedding. I mean, they’re absolutely obsessed with it in America, it is just insane but I guess it’s kind of a big deal. Actually, I think it’s really sort of fascinating.’

All right, it’s time, I’m taking a stand right here and now: if loving Robert Pattinson is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

And I don’t mean that question in a bitchy way – I think Steven Tyler has been an excellent addition to American Idol - it’s just that he kind of seemed like too big a deal for the show.  But, lucky for us, Steven chatted up TMZ about his reasoning behind joining the show, and it’s a little bizarre, if you ask me:

Steven Tyler claims he took the gig on American Idol to show his Aerosmith bandmates that he wouldn’t be “held hostage” by them … after the band threatened to kick Tyler to the curb.

Tyler dropped a whole series of truth bombs during an interview with Rolling Stone … in which he explains, “Did I take this job to show the band? Fuck, yeah. Not to show them, but that I can’t be held hostage anymore. I will be my own hostage. The band can’t throw me out.”

He also goes on to talk about how he and Joe Perry tried to make a new album a few years ago, but they couldn’t because they were all hopped up on drugs, but that’s not news.  Really, I’m way more interested in the fact that Aerosmith thinks they could function without Steven Tyler.  That’s absurd, right? Would you listen to some old random up on stage, trying to pass off his sad rendition of “Walk This Way” as an Aerosmith performance?

You know, there’s positively no doubt in my mind that Pia Toscano, who was recently kicked off of American Idol, is a wicked talented chick who’s got a crazy good voice. She’s also pretty sweet and is cute enough to be dating Mark Ballas, who is just hot. Flat-the-fuck-out hot. Smoking hot. What I’m wondering, though, does she have an unfair advantage in performing on Dancing With the Stars BECAUSE she’s dating Mark Ballas? If she weren’t porking him on the regular, would the network even consider having an American Idol reject perform on their show? It’s a sticky situation, but for Pia, it’s win-win. Lose out on AI? That’s OK – you get a record label, a hot boyfriend who can probably move in bed as well as he does on stage, and public appearances on much-watched shows left and right. Goes to show you, guys – dreams can come true.

I know, I know – it’s ‘Elizabeth Berkley,’ or whatever, but from my fond-ass memories, she’ll remain the perfect, AC Slater-loving Jessie Spano probably for the rest of my life. Unless, of course, she does another horrible life-of-a-stripper movie, and then I might be forced to reneg on that whole ‘perfect’ thing for another few years.

But anyway, girlfriend wrote a book and did a signing and all I can think about is that one episode of Saved by the Bell where she gets addicted to caffeine pills as a means of doing all of her schoolwork and meeting her social obligations on time.

Judging by the looks of these photos, her friends at Bayside need to stage an immediate intervention – it looks like Jessie’s back on the smack again.