“Man, that Glee gay kiss thing sure caused an uproar. The show is written so well, with such great characters, it’s a shame they have to sprinkle immorality all over it. Inside Edition asked me “Why Glee? Why now?” I said, “Why now? I have a column for the first time. And why Glee? I just watched it last night for the first time. Now Wife Swap calls! My agent thinks they’d swap me with a gay couple. That would be great because then I could show the world that I love gay people and I’m not the homophobic hate-monger the media are making me out to be. The other perk is that I could afford that Tacoma pick-up truck I want and pay off my credit card.”
You know how you let people know that you’re not homophobic? You refer to a homosexual kiss as immoral. I’m so glad that Victoria Jackson stopped making people laugh so she could focus on giving us such great pearls of wisdom.
On the flip side, how great would it be if Victoria showed up on Wife Swap? Exactly how terrified would the other wife be upon reading Victoria’s manual? And can you even imagine that little table talk at the end where everyone talks about what they’ve learned? It would be the closest thing to entertainment that Victoria’s produced in years!
Is there anything funnier than someone falling in public and trying to play it off like they meant to do it the entire time? Well, yes. When people fall in public and totally don’t expect it and are horrified and embarrassed that people saw them in such a non-graceful position – that’s much funnier. But this is still pretty good.
Lady Gaga, as you can see, decided to work her moves on top of a piano, slipped off, and slithered underneath. I’m really glad she’s OK and all, but damn. There’s a part of me that’s ALSO really glad for this clip, because it shows that I’m not the only one that falls flat on her ass during important events in her life.
Jennifer Lopez as Most Beautiful Woman of 2011? [Right Celebrity]
Exclusive photos of the latest Scientolobaby. [Socialite Life]
Ron Livingstone was a terrible choice for Gomez (I’m just saying), but he’s up in another film anyway. [Caught on Set]
Katy Perry signs a deal with Adidas. I know, I barfed too. [Yeeeah]
Prince William and Kate Middleton invited a bunch of their ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends to their wedding. Don’t ask me, I don’t fucking know why. [The Frisky]
Picture this: Lindsay Lohan, hiding in a closet. [The Blemish]
So Scream 4 premieres in theaters on Friday. Are you guys pretty excited? I am. I love cheesy horror movies, and the Scream movies, while not all that scary, were always pretty good. They make me think of my later high school years, and how cheesy that was, and all in all, it’s good, cheesy memory-making fun. I mean, I can’t really take anything seriously that David Arquette has done since then (or, wait … ever), and it’s going to be cool to see the Courteney Cox evolution that’s occurred over the past decade, and hell, whatever Neve Campbell‘s been doing aside from riding the Scream royalties, so yeah. Good times. It’s also pretty interesting to see how uncomfortable Courteney looks next to her ‘best friend,’ David, and how you just KNOW that Neve is on the prowl for some hot young dude (not David) since her divorce.
And also, did Matthew Lillard (Scream‘s original Stu) have some kind of stroke? That, and Nia Vardalos, who is absolutely adorable and whom I LOVE really needs to have some pose-coaching, because that pose she struck on the red carpet? Just … wow. And one last thing, I promise – why the fuck was Marilyn Manson and his fat hands there? … OK, sorry, I lied: Jamie Kennedy? Guys, he’s looking just so fine. SO SO FINE.
Sam claims that while riding her BMX, she swerved to avoid an oncoming car and took her face out instead. She posted this photo on her Twitter along with the caption “Wear a helmet kids!!! Let this be a lesson… if you have a driver’s license you probably don’t need to be on a bmx bike.”
Speedy recoveries to Ronson, who ended up with something like nine stitches in her grill. … Damn, baby.
Alright, guys! Today is the first round of weekly winners for the Evil Beet Caption This contests. Check them out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
To the rest, keep at it – I’ll be choosing the winner of this photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The week’s winner on last week’s Charlie Sheen photo: LegalEase
“No, seriously guys…I once had a herpes sore on my cock that was THIS BIG! Porn Star Goddesses = winning, duh.”
1st Runner-Up: Can’tBeatSheen
“We need to hack up the person responsible for this bad connection. Hack him up into pieces in front of his children. We need to cut off his face and wear it and go on a very tightly budgeted shopping spree in stores that don’t exist yet!”
2nd Runner-Up: Stacey
“COKE HEADS…LET’S TWEAK IN UNISON!”
Congratulations to the winner, and good luck to the rest!
I would like to tell you that the term “retard” is very offensive to me. I am not offended because I ASSUME it would offend someone who has mental retardation. I am offened on how the word came to...
I am not offended that Rosie has a fear or anxiety of LP. I feel that when someone knows very little about things and or people they tend to be anxious. Think about it if you had never been around someone...
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