And that’s his mugshot, courtesy of TMZ.  Isn’t it darling?

Ok, picture this:  New Orleans, late last night.  Nicolas is wasted.  When he and his wife began to make their way back to the apartment they’re renting, they had a little disagreement over where the apartment was.  Nic thought that a good way to stop the argument was to grab his wife’s arm and drag her to where he thought the apartment was located, and down in New Orleans, they call that “domestic abuse.”  He also screamed at his wife and started punching parked cars, which they call “disturbing the peace.”

Here’s where it gets good – Nicolas didn’t even have to get arrested. The cops told him to just go home, but we all know that Nic’s a badass, so what was his response to that friendly request from the police?  ”Why don’t you just arrest me?” This guy dared the cops to arrest him, and I don’t know if you’re familiar with cops, but they’re really good at following through with dares.  And that’s why Nic went to jail.

A bond was set at $11,000, and he’s been released, of course – $11,000 is no big deal when you don’t pay taxes – and his wife doesn’t want him charged.  It looks like this will all go down as just another wacky weekend in New Orleans.  Cute story, huh?

Man, Russell Brand sure is in love with that Katy Perry, huh? You can tell because he never talks about anything else.  Well, in this little interview, he manages to stop with all his love claptrap and focus in on Katy’s uterus, or more specifically, the poor handful of humans who will soon be expelled from Katy’s uterus:

“I love children. I am very much looking forward to becoming a dad. Who knows when? Soon I hope. I really love children. I think when I’m among children is when I feel most liberated.”

“I go nuts with children. When I’m around my friends’ children, I jazz them kids up, I swear at them, I get them all worked up, I say crazy stuff to them. I fill their heads with nonsense and then leave them.”

“I secretly want to [move back to England]. I have a fear of hearing my American children speak to me in American accents.”

I was on Russell’s side, I really was.  I thought he was going to keep his life turned around and become such a strong, beautiful husband and father.  But those people who come in when you have a kid and get them bouncing off the walls and then peace out? Fuck those people.  I’m taking back a sliver of my love, Russell.  Pull it together.

I feel like we’ve been talking about Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” for several years.  Like it seems that Gaga’s been building up this hype for her new album since I was in middle school, and now, the moment is nigh.  The album itself won’t be released until May, but late last night, the Lady decided to give all her Twitter followers a little gift:  the album cover for Born This Way.

Can I be the first to say “what the fuck is this?”  See, I thought that when Lady Gaga said that she was born this way, she was talking about something else entirely.  I didn’t think “half woman, half motorcycle” was even an option.  Well, whatever. Shows what I know, I guess. Lady Gaga is wacky for days, and shame on me for ever thinking different.

But really, this is just silly, right?  Do any of you Lady Gaga fans actually dig this cover?  Do any of you Lady Gaga fans actually read this blog?

Yeah, that Zsa Zsa. The 94-year-old one who’s been ill for forever and who’s convinced that she’s knockin’ on heaven’s door.  But hey, you know what would help with all those woes? A little bitty baby!

You might be wondering how any of this is possible, and let me relieve your curiosity by explaining that it’s possible because Zsa Zsa has a man of questionable character and mental stability for a husband.  Her fella, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, is a respectable 67-year-old man who is currently in the process of doing blood work and looking for donors so that they can get to making the newest addition to their little family.  The weird thing is that Zsa Zsa’s down with this – see, Zsa Zsa only has one child, 64-year-old Francesca, but ol’ Fran doesn’t use the Gabor family name, and Zsa Zsa’s sisters didn’t have any kids. The Gabor name will die with Zsa Zsa unless they get a doctor to cook up a baby for them real quick, so that’s the game plan.

This seems way weird, right?  I’ve never been 94 or 67, but I feel pretty confident in saying that I don’t think I’d want to become a parent at either of those ages.  Like, my grandma’s ten years younger than Zsa Zsa and it’s all she can do to take care of her crippled poodle, you know?

“I just think right now America has gotten to a place where I don’t know if they want me to tour or not. Right now I just want to go to the places where I am getting the most love and Australia and South America have done that for me. Kind of going to the places where I get the most love. Don’t want to go anywhere where I don’t feel completely comfortable with it.”

- Poor Miley Cyrus explains why she hates America.

I know that “Miley Cyrus hates America” is a stretch of a statement, but down here in Tennessee we call what Miley is doing here “looking a gift horse in the mouth,” and we don’t take kindly to that.  Seeing as how Miley’s a good ol’ girl from Tennessee as well, you’d think she’d understand that.  But I suppose that, unlike myself, Miley’s never been the pearl-clutching type, so we can’t really expect her to do something like show gratitude to the fans who gave her her start.  Tough break.

Amanda Seyfried, guys. I used to think she was pretty ok, you know, but I’m having some doubts now.  Mostly because she has a dead baby horse in her home that she calls art:

“I got another animal,” Seyfried tells the U.K. Press Association. “I’m going to share — I bought a three week old just this week, well it was three weeks old when it died, (it’s a) miniature horse.”

Umm, why?

“I love good taxidermy, it’s like art,” Seyfried added in London’s Daily Express. “A lot of people think it’s weird but I don’t know why.”

I’d wager that a lot of people think it’s weird because you have a dead baby horse in your home, but I already made my stance clear.  What do you guys think – is Amanda into some fancy art or am I right in thinking that this is totally creepy?