And wouldn’t you, if you were Fergie? I mean jeez. Celebrities are celebrities for a reason, it’s not like they’re going to hijack and plane and ransom the passengers for things like a chin reduction or more Botox or something. Celebrities just don’t do those sorts of things; they should be held to different standards and rules, you know? I mean, could you imagine: Fergie the Terrorist? Laughable.  It could almost be an off-Broadway production. And anyway, you remember good old John Wilkes Booth – he was an actor, a celebrity of his day, and HE didn’t get the old patdown on his way into Ford’s Theater in DC of all places, did he?

What the hell, TSA?

And another Teen Mom used her welfare money to get implants. Great. [The Superficial]

Oh the diseases that could be contracted in the Playboy mansion hot tub. [Bossip]

Madonna‘s going back to her Catholic roots. [Lainey Gossip]

And now a Victoria’s Secret model is going to space. [Yeeeah]

The top 15 films with the longest gap between sequels (yes, Scream 4 is on there). [Pajiba]

Is Brooke Mueller doing crack? [IDLYITW]

The Water for Elephants premiere photo exclusive! [Amy Grindhouse]

Masturbation makes Rob Lowe an elegant dancer. [The Frisky]

Malin Akerman lost, like, half her body weight. [Celebuzz]

Olivier Martinez must be just crazy to date Halle Berry. [Socialite Life]

If any one of you thinks these Junderpants are cool, we are so over. [OMGBlog]

Rod Stewart thinks his nasty daughter is a ho of sorts. [Cele|Bitchy]

Damn, I didn’t know Michael Lohan was an advocate for anything good. Seriously. Boyfriend kicks the crap out of his girlfriends, current and former, tries to break into his crackhead daughter’s apartment on what was probably a drunken bender, but now he’s doing PSAs for drunk driving? What a guy, right? Utter surprises at every turn with this one.

Michael, who was asked to do a video for drinkinganddriving.org (and what a fancy site it is, too), states:

Hi. I’m Michael Lohan. One of the biggest causes of teen death in America today is drinking and driving. So be an example, protect your kids. Don’t drink and drive.

Yes. We want to be examples like Michael Lohan, because it’s apparent that his shining beacon of paternal light and love has been such a great example for his daughter Lindsay and the rest of those other kids, too.

You can check the full video out at TMZ.

I know a lot of you hardcore Gaga fans are probably just fucking squeeing with a hard on-like delight over her dramatic pose with Maleficent* at Disney World, but to me, this is just continual confirmation that Lady Gaga is a twat. She tries to be all edgy and cool, and anyone else posing for this photo would probably be way cute and fun, but not her. Nope. You know why? Because everything Gaga does is for show. Everything she does is to encourage you to say ‘Man, she’s just COOL.’ And to me? There’s nothing less cool about someone who tries so damned hard to be cool. Maleficent?  Well, she almost covered up that fact, but things are what they are, you guys, no matter how many fabulously evil Disney queens are brought into the mix.

*Totally not Maleficent, thanks readers. I was more of an Aladdin and Lion King fan anyway, and there’s definitely no mixing up Scar and Jafar in those flicks.

If you don’t know what Coachella is, fear not: I’m going to tell you. More or less, it’s like a Woodstock or a Burning Man for rich, famous people. That’s about it. Hipsters stomp around trying to look better than other hipsters, and they listen to hipster music all while trying not to acknowledge the fact that they are, in fact, a hipster. It’s a generally good scene, and most of young-er Hollywood comes out and slums for the event, so naturally we have a bunch of photos of A-list celebrities (and A-list wannabes) dawdling around wearing ballcaps, smoking e-cigarettes, and drinking PBR. I guess there isn’t much above that little bit of awesome, with the obvious exception of Lady Gaga falling off a piano or Christina Aguilera getting too drunk to think.

Enjoy!

Here you see little Miley on her Twitter page, rocking the sideboob, exposing her newest ink – which I’m thinking is supposed to be a dreamcatcher or something – and wearing long braids in her hair like as if she’s trying to be some kind of modern-day fucking Pocahontas.

You know, it’s apparently not enough that the early settlers kicked most of the nation’s Native Americans off of their ground and killed the rest, but now we’re adding insult to injury by allowing Large Gums Small Teeth to parade around like some cheap version of Running Bear’s wife.

Honestly, kids these days. They have absolutely no respect for history.