Kenny Rogers used to be one fine ass dude.  I can remember being five or six and hearing my mother and my sister go on for days about how handsome he was.  And it was true – he’s The Gambler, and there’s no taking that away from him.  But man, he went a little overboard with the plastic surgery.

Back in 2006, Kenny told People that he had his eyes done. Yeah, no kidding.  He looks like he’s got the same inability to show emotion as Nicole Kidman, which is such a tragedy when you have such emotionally provocative songs in your repertoire as “Islands in the Stream.”

What else do you think Kenny’s done to wreck his beautiful face?

Two Lady Gaga posts in one day.  Do you think you can handle it?

Well, regardless of your ability to handle it, we’re going through with this.  Because Lady Gaga said some pretty interesting words again, and we’re going to analyze them. Here’s her response to everyone in the world speculating that she ripped off Madonna:

“No. Listen to me. Why the fuck…? I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? That’s retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in the eyes and tell you that I am not dumb enough or moronic enough to think that you are dumb or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It’s the same one that’s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist. It means I’m fucking smart. Sorry.(Starting to well up) I just don’t want my fans – I don’t know. This is exhausting. I just don’t want to perpetuate that shit. I’m sure you want to address, but it’s so ridiculous. I was fucking shell-shocked by it. It’s so funny to hear you say, ‘It must have been an homage,’ I’m like, NO. When I homage, I fucking homage with a big fucking sign saying I’ve done it. Why would I not do that now? I need a fucking drink. (Sighs). “

Bless her heart.  I think the “starting to well up” and the “sighs” add a lot of color to the quote, don’t you?  I also think it’s amusing that she was “fucking shell-shocked” by the Madonna comparisons.  You know, it’s like “have you ever heard ‘Express Yourself’“?  Speaking as someone who doesn’t particularly care about Lady Gaga or Madonna, I think I can objectively say that yeah, they’re kind of similar. That’s not a retarded idea, Gaga, but thanks for playing.

For all of us who thought that the fourth season of Jersey Shore was just going to be a continuation of the past few years, only in Italy, think again.  It turns out that Florence, the city that will host America’s beloved guidos and guidettes, has laid down some laws about the group’s stay overseas:

- The cast will not be filmed in bars and clubs that serve alcohol.

-  The cast will not be filmed drinking in public.

- The show will not be filmed to promote Florence as a drinking town.

- The show should be filmed in a manner to promote Italy (not Americans visiting Italy) and feature its culture and good food.

How does Florence ever expect these people to follow these ridiculous rules?  If they can’t be filmed drinking in public, then how can Snooki get arrested?  How can they feature Italy’s culture and food – did the people writing up these rules ever actually see the show? Culture isn’t exactly the selling point. And they can’t be filmed in bars and clubs? Seriously? So what, are we just going to see The Situation trying to pick up ladies at the museum and everybody just getting wasted at home? Because that’s my everyday (last night we made cotton candy martinis, holler if you want the recipe, it’s delicious), I don’t need to see it on television.

Last week, you might recall that Lindsay Lohan was tragically parading around at that press conference for the Gotti: Three Generations movie because she thought she was going to play Victoria up there.  Yeah, you might recall we had our doubts about the legitimacy of that, and it turns out that, as usual, we were right.

From People:

“We are not talking any further about Lindsay playing Victoria,” says Marc Fiore, producer ofGotti: Three Generations. “She is no longer being considered. The talks have stopped. We are going to meet with other people [for the role].”

“She a wonderful person,” he tells PEOPLE. “Her legal case has nothing to do with it. We just couldn’t reach terms.”

Do you think that by “we just couldn’t reach terms” he meant “we just couldn’t support her meth habit“?  Am I the only one picking up on that particular subtext?

No, she really is full of shit. [The Superficial]

The Royal family doesn’t want Madonna at the wedding. [Lainey Gossip]

Are you one of those idiots that celebrates 4/20? ‘Cause man, that’s really stupid. [Bossip]

Ben Affleck pulls out of The Great Gatsby because he’s a pretentious dick. [ICYDK]

Fergie‘s shoe line actually isn’t fug. [Betty Confidential]

Everything you ever wanted to know about Jeff Bridges’ farts. [Amy Grindhouse]

There’s a new Old Spice Hot Guy in the making. [The Frisky]

It’s awfully nice to see Jennifer Lopez‘s gitch these days. [Caught on Set]

Matthew Morrison leaving Glee? [Celebuzz]

The one in which Russell Brand pretends that he’s still attracted to Katy Perry. [IDLYITW]

And the world’s gold-plated douchebag is who, exactly? [Pajiba]

Kiss your ass goodbye, Gisele. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Who was Chord Overstreet caught making out with? Um, not Taylor Swift. [Socialite Life]

“All of the songs on the album, to be completely candid [were written quickly]. The creative process is approximately 15 minutes of vomiting my creative ideas, in the forms of melodies, usually, or chord progressions and melodies and some sort of a theme lyric idea. It all happens in approximately 15 minutes of this giant regurgitation of my thoughts and feelings. And then I spend days, weeks, months, years fine tuning. But the idea is that you honor your vomit. You have to honor your vomit. You have to honor those 15 minutes.”

- Lady Gaga tells us all about her creative process.

Did you catch all that?  It’s all about the vomit, and don’t let anybody tell you different.  This girl knows. She’s been places. She’s done things. She’s written painstakingly beautiful lyrics like “wear ear condom next time.” Let’s just trust her on this one, ok?  Let’s just honor that vomit.