I know it’s really hard to believe, but I’m going to try this. I’m going to give it my all and hope that it doesn’t come crashing down on me in a dusty cloud of snark, so … let’s have at it.

Taylor Momsen played an acoustic show last night at the Hard Rock Cafe in LA, and there were a fair amount of people there judging by the photos.

And here are the good things:

1. She is actually a very pretty girl. If she’d wash off all of that Uncle Fester makeup, she’s be gorgeous.

2. Her hair (or weave? Is it a weave? If it’s a weave, Britney should really take some pointers.) is actually really nice. I wonder how she gets the waves. My hair is still growing out from lopping it all off last year, and it’s only just hit my shoulders (fucking FAIL), but I can’t get my hair to do anything that nice.

3. I know this might be a stretch for some of you guys, but despite the fact that I’m not into the goth-industrial scene and want to slit my wrists when I hear her instrumental music, she’s got a pretty decent singing voice.

This was really hard for me, guys, and I struggled with it. But I promise that I meant every word I said. Especially the part about Britney taking some hair pointers. That especially.

I am not here to rip Kirstie Alley for her weight, her prior weight gain and/or loss, or the steps she’s taken to regulate what she looks like. I’m firmly of the opinion that a number size and a weight doesn’t matter, as long as you’re healthy, in shape, and comfortable.

That being said, there’s still probably NO FUCKING WAY that Kirstie Alley is a size 8, as she told Us magazine earlier in the week:

“I started out in a size 12, then an 8, and then I think next week I’ll be in a 6,” she said after her performance Monday night. “The real size I want to be in is probably a 4 or a 6. That’s where I look best.”

First of all, Kirstie is about 5’7″. And I find it awfully hard to believe that she started the season off at a size 12. Kirstie, at the beginning of the show, was probably more a size 16 or even 18. She still looked just fine. As for her weight loss, yup, Kirstie’s lost a lot of weight, and I give her mad props for that, but she’s definitely – definitely – nothing less than a 12 or at the very least, 10, these days.

The above photos were taken last night in LA. ‘Fat’ or not, she’s a gorgeous woman, and that’s just all that there is to it.  But OK, Kirstie, you’re a size 8. Just like Kim Kardashian is a size 2. If that’s what makes you feel good, have at it, I suppose.

Me, I just wanna know where the gnomes are that cut out the old and sew in the new size tags into these garments. I wanna borrow them for just a few days.

“It’s one terribly awful moment in time, said to one person in the span of one day, and doesn’t represent what I truly believe or how I’ve treated people my entire life. If I could make that choice again, I’d make a different choice. … I’ve never treated anyone badly or in a discriminatory way based on their gender, race, religion or sexuality – period. I don’t blame some people for thinking that though, from the garbage they heard on those leaked tapes, which have been edited. You have to put it all in the proper context of being in an irrationally, heated discussion at the height of a breakdown, trying to get out of a really unhealthy relationship. [As for acting], I could easily not act again. It’s not a problem. I’m going to do something now because I want to do it and because it’s fun. I’ve already pulled another job and it’s going to be fun. I don’t know if it’s going to get off the ground, but I’m going to go work for [Best Picture Oscar winner Braveheart's screenwriter] Randy Wallace again. He’s got this script and he’s had it for years. He wrote some book and he’s adapted it to a script. And it’s almost like Alexander Dumas — like that swashbuckler kind of stuff.”

I still think that a lot of what Mel was recorded saying on those audio tapes – edited or not – were a cacophony of just shit-awful things that will always be floating out there, waiting to bite him in one way or another, but I can understand where he’s coming from when he talks about trying to get out of a bad relationship, things getting all heated up in the moment. If you’ve lived past the age of seventeen, you’ve probably had a bad experience with a relationship, and if you haven’t, well good for you. Your time will probably come, too.  I’m not saying Mel is a reformed person with an entirely different outlook on other people and their feelings, but what I am saying is that everyone makes mistakes – even fucking swollen, nasty epic ones – at certain points in their lives.

That being said, I do hope he returns to acting, because he is quite talented, but he’s right – it’s gotta be on his terms, doing what he wants to do to be happy. Aren’t we all entitled to our own happiness, mistakes in the past or not?

So Katy Perry and Kanye West performed their latest single on American Idol last night, and as I’ve probably said before, I haven’t watched a single episode this year. However? My mom called me in the middle of this performance and asked me who the hell these weird-ass people were, lip-syncing and trudging all over the stage, singing about aliens – and I just KNEW that she was talking about Katy and Kanye.

As for my mom, I’m not sure if she understood what was really happening on stage, and maybe she liked it on the whole, but I also sometimes wonder if I’m not adopted. See, my mom’s a big Lady Gaga fan, and I KNOW that shit didn’t get passed down to me.

David O. Russell directed The Fighter, one of my favorite movies from last year, as well as I Heart Huckabees, so I wouldn’t exactly imagine him being the biggest Britney Spears fan. Something about dark movies with comedic undertones doesn’t exactly scream “huge pop music” fan to me, but hey, I’m all about the element of surprise.

Russell did an interview with Vulture after checking out a film at the Tribeca Film Festival last night and it’s full of all kinds of sound bites I wasn’t expecting from a grown man. Apparently he’s a huge Britney Spears fan. Like, to the point where he almost hired her for Naomi Watts‘ Huckabees role.

The interview:

You work with so many different people in movies. Who would you love to work with, no matter how far-fetched?
Woman with O. Russell: Oh, I think that’s easy.
Russell: Really? Then you answer the question.
Woman with O. Russell: Britney.
Russell: Oh yeah, Britney. Yeah.

Spears?
Yeah.

Why?
You’re getting me into so much trouble. Who am I talking to? New York Magazine? This is bad. I’d also love to work with Johnny Depp under any circumstances. I think Britney could be great in a lot of different things, and I’m a huge fan of hers. And I actually auditioned her for a couple things.

Really?
Yeah. [To woman.] So there, I gave him something he’s going to write about.

You really want to work with her?
Used in the right way, I think she could be … I’m a believer, I’m not a hater, which I realize more columns and articles are built on hating. You get more journalism out of hating than you do out of loving. But I’m a lover, not a hater. So her, Johnny Depp. Who else would I love to work with? Who’s, like, a musician that I’m always, like, I would die for? … Jack White. Oh, I also, I’m going to say Cher. [Laughing hard.] (more…)

Me freakin’ too!

I’ve told you before that I somehow accidentally got super wrapped up in American Idol early on this season and now it’s what I plan my weeks around. The competition this year doesn’t seem as fierce as it has other years, but I’ll be straight up lying if I said that the show doesn’t provide me with two of the most enjoyable hours of my week every week.

These are just my opinions, and while yes, my opinions are usually solid gold, I have no idea what’s going to happen on Idol tonight or any night. I was shocked when Pia got sent home (even though I hated her,) and I was pretty surprised when the judges saved Casey so early on in the season. I guess the thing I’m still learning is that you never know what’s going to happen on the show and the American public has pretty questionable taste as a whole.

I’m gonna throw this out there: I voted for a contestant for the very first time last night: Haley. I still think she has the most flavor of all the contestants and could put out an album that I’d really like to hear. Also, I’d hate to see her go home over someone like that flavorless Stefano (c’mon, he’s a sweetie, but totally flavorless) or Jakob, who may have the largest ass I’ve ever seen on a man in my life.

Vote in the poll and let me know who you think is going to go home tonight, and also drop in the comments and let me know who you think is going to wind up in the final two. I would love to see either a Lauren and Haley finale or a Casey and Haley finale. I would hate to see any of those three go home before they got to really duke it out.