Vampires? That would be adorable, but no. Being alone? Heart-wrenching and plausible, but also no. Unrequited love from a girlfriend? This is the one that should be the correct answer, but yet again, no.
It’s clowns. Robert Pattinson is terrified of clowns. Bless his heart. But unlike my roommate, who hates clowns because my sweetheart of a BFF mercilessly harassed her with a Raggedy Andy doll after watching It at a young age, and unlike myself, who doesn’t much care for clowns after that one episode of Supernatural, Rob has a pretty solid reason:
“The first time I went to the circus somebody died. One of the clowns died. His little car exploded. The joke car exploded on him. Seriously. Everybody ran out. It was terrifying.”
Oh, Robert. He’s done and seen so much in his short life. It’s really no wonder that he can be perceived as such a prick, is it? But really, we know now that he’s just been hurt, that he lives with scars and trauma from his past, and all he needs is a guitar and a good, lovin’ woman to set him straight. Any takers?