See this magazine cover? Little Gwynnie hates it. She claims that she’s got, or had, body issues, and her ‘bony top’ and ‘dumpy bottom’ are what keep her up at night, chewing her perfectly-manicured nails and twiddling her surgically-enhanced thumbs (I’m kidding. I don’t know for sure that she gets her nails manicured professionally).
Gwyn states that she works out for an hour and a half every day, and if she doesn’t feel like working out on vacation, guys? She just DOESN’T DO IT. I’m gonna be honest, though – I’m really skeptical about those who do work out during their vacations, anyway, so that’s a plus-one for Paltrow. I mean, the last thing I want to be doing is working out on vacation. I’d rather much be waking up on the beach in a half-naked, hungover lump than sweating it out in the resort’s gym at 7 in the morning. I mean, fuck. Isn’t that what vacations are for? I have a hard enough time dragging my dead ass to my Zumba and Pilates classes three or four times a week, and those are only an HOUR LONG.
Anyway, even though Gwyn is totally hot and talented and everything, I totally don’t hate her for that. I just don’t like her much because she pretends to be all humble and meek when you just know that she’s not. But hey. I guess that’s just the nature of most beasts, huh?