Last night Katy Perry sang her rendition of Rebecca Black’s “hit” song “Friday” during a concert in Melbourne, and it was just straight-up weird.

First of all, you cannot tell me that this girl has a good voice live. Sure, she’s got an impressive range, but what good does that do her if her actual tone is awful? It just seems like she’s got this great big voice and no real sense of style.

Secondly, speaking of style, I was so distracted by the split up the front of her dress and that the diaper-ish bikini bottoms underneath kept popping out as she moved her legs. And it’s clipped together by what? A sparkly orange slice? I’m pantless and wearing a t-shirt that says “This is What Cool Looks Like,” on the front of it, and even I can tell you that that outfit’s a boiling hot mess.

Can we be done with “Friday?” Can we be done with Katy Perry? Can we just lock both her and the song away somewhere and try to forget we ever allowed either of them to happen?

Teen Mom‘s Amber Portwood has had a rough couple of years and the recent vandalism on her Ford Taurus is just another thing to add to her list.

First she, you know, became a teen mom, then she and her baby daddy wound up in jail and then she had some nude photos of herself leaked. Oh, and there’s that really unfortunate tattoo she got, too. I’m sure she probably wanted to kill herself when she pulled up to her mother’s house and saw that her car was spray painted with words like “whore,” “slut,” and “fucker.”

RadarOnline has all the photos of the damage, which I’ve grifted for easy viewing, and hey now! It’s looks pretty bad. How and why this happened has yet to be proved, but Radar’s suggesting that it was the work of her next door neighbor, whose boyfriend Amber is supposedly now dating.

A couple of years ago, my then 17-year-old brother stole some dude’s girlfriend, and in true high school form, the dude scratched the words “bitch faggot” into the hood of his car. At the time, I thought it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, but mostly because my little brother can be pretty annoying. Still, no one, not even someone who is arguably a whore, slut and fucker deserves to have something like this done to their property. Pretty messed up stuff.

Chace Crawford was able to strike a deal in court today regarding the case against him that started after a Plano, Texas cop found him sitting in a car with a joint last summer. The Gossip Girl actor kinda got the book thrown at him considering all he in his possession was one measly doobie, which is a good or bad thing, depending on whether or not you think celebrities are never fairly judged in court or if the good green offends you.

The deal is this: If Chace does 24 hours of community service (something that someone at his level of fame should be doing anyway,) reports to a probation officer and stays out of trouble for the next year, the charges will be dropped. Doesn’t seem like all that bad of a punishment when you think about how shitty jail time and the legal system is… but all of that drama over a joint? Do they seriously have nothing better to do in Texas?

What do you think about this punishment? Does Chace deserve to be slapped on the wrist for his actions, or is this whole thing a great big waste of the Texas legal system’s time and resources? I’m in Los Angeles, and I’m pretty sure most cops out here would hop in your car and smoke the doobage with you if you were caught in the same situation, so I have a feeling my idea of drug crimes might be a little skewed.

Let’s be super clear about one thing: Christina Aguilera is one hell of a crazy-ass bitch, but the girl can sing. If you think she can’t sing, then you need to get your head/ears checked immediately. You should also consider adopting some sort of small animal, because it’ll teach you how to love and open up your heart and maybe be less of a crazy person yourself.

Now that we’ve sorted that out, listen to this leaked version of her new song, “You Lost Me,” that’s so raw that you can actually hear her say at the 5:17 mark, “Awful.” Like, the girl was listening to herself singing and decided that her ad-libbing sucked and needed to be rerecorded.

Of course it’s not awful at all. In fact, I thought the song was totally beautiful and it reminds me of the stuff she was doing when she really started for find her voice back in the “Stripped” days. Here’s hoping that the rest of her new album is as beautiful as this track and that she continues to showcase her voice rather than continue on the overly-produced path that she headed down on “Bionic”, huh?

I told you the other day that I was so fed up with Royal Wedding fever that I was basically annoyed to the point of petty anger, but here’s one aspect of the whole shebang that I’m willing to concentrate on: THE CAKE, Y’ALL.

Personally, I get sick of cake after a bite or two, but a well-made pastry ain’t nothing to scoff at, and this delicacy? It’s fit for a future king and his bride, that’s for damn sure.

The flavor was William’s favorite chocolate biscuit cake (once again, Kate’s preferences are swept to the side) and the design is pretty traditional, but the details are phenomenal. Check out the closeups in the gallery. Is that a freakin’ tassel made out of icing? Incredible. And definitely classier than whatever that squinty-eyed husband thief LeAnn Rimes and her gross husband ate at their tacktastic wedding last week.

One thing? I’d be afraid to touch this thing with a knife. Sometimes they make these wedding cakes so pretty that it’s a complete shame that someone’s gotta bring a knife to it, but I guess we know all about pretty things getting knives waved at them around these parts, huh?

Remember how earlier this week I told you that you can see Britney Spears live for anywhere between $99 and $999? Well, if you’re one of the eleven people on the planet earth rich and crazy enough to buy the highest priced tickets, you also get the bonus of meeting the totally crazy former pop princess in person! Score!

I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone (especially you, Lisa Loeb) that it’s 2011, Britney Spears is freakin’ crazy and the apocalypse is going to hit before we all know it. Anyone who’s spending $1,000 to watch Britney lip sync through 12 songs and then shake her insane hand deserves the devastation that they will suffer when they spent their food and guns money on such a silly and frivolous thing.

2002 Britney? That maybe would have been worth the cash, but the warbly maniac with the crooked weave is no longer worth your time and money folks. Sorry.