Can you tell where it’s from?

Sorry about the low quality, but this is as good as we’re going to get – there’s not going to be a public release of the mug shot, Lindsay style, because nobody plans on pressing charges against Christina.  It’s a good thing too, because this girl does not handle the police station’s lighting that well, does she?

For good measure, here’s the rundown from a police officer on Christina’s arrest:

“They [police] witnessed a person driving erratically. At 2.45 am this morning a gentleman was stopped for allegedly driving under the influence. He was subsequently arrested and his passenger, Ms. Aguilera, she was arrested. It was kind of a unique situation with this law as she was not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated. When she got out of the car, she couldn’t stand. We had to help her stand. She didn’t know where she was and she didn’t know her own address. We took her into custody for her own protection. She was cooperative and she was not belligerent in any way whatsoever. She was just intoxicated.”

I’ve been drunk enough to think that bushes were bears, but I’ve never been like “yeah, I have no fucking idea where I am right now, and I couldn’t tell you where I live.”  Is that common?  Is that some next level drinking that I need to get into, or is that why everyone wants her to go to rehab?

Oh, by the way, remember how yesterday we were all like “how do you get arrested for public intoxication for being drunk inside a car?”  Well, I was watching this special about people getting arrested naked while I was trying to take a nap (is that trashy?), and these cops pulled over this guy for driving drunk, then found out he was also naked.  And there was a lady sitting next to him, minding her own business in the car, and she got arrested for public intoxication.  This happens.  It’s just a protective measure, because you’re wasted, it’s not like you can just drive home while your buddy goes to jail, so you get “arrested” so they can deal with your drunk ass.

The moral of the story is “always have a designated driver so you don’t get a pity arrest like Christina Aguilera.”

Love it – totally. My proclamation that Rihanna is one of the world’s hottest stands, and this series of photos totally confirms it.

But I still think her wide variety of red wigs are better left to collecting dust in Cher’s closet, because they totally do her no justice. She’s definitely way hotter with a natural color or, you know, just naked.

What female celebrity do you guys think has the best stems?

Kirstie Alley. So funny. I wrote a post about Kirstie a few weeks ago, singing her praises and whatever, and HERE SHE IS, getting ready to star on the next segment of Dancing With the Stars. I’m going crazy, guys. It’s like it was meant to be or something.

And can we discuss how UNBELIEVABLE Kirstie looks for her age? I read an article last night, and though I probably subconsciously knew it, she’s sixty. Sixty years old. Like, older than my mother. Kirstie Alley. Who I remember very fondly from Cheers and Look Who’s Talking. It really just blows my mind, and honestly, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this all morning.

And to add on to the Kirstie-love, she also says that she’s not going to be parading any skimpy costumes on DWTS, and that might make some of you sad, or instead, heave a sigh of relief:

“I’m not showing my junk until I’m ready. I’d like to lose about three spare tires still.”

Personally, I really don’t care how much girlfriend weighs – I think she’s gorgeous, she’s funny as hell, and she’s confident; things like that go much further than merely just being a size 00 equating an automatic ‘hot.’

Good for you, K, and I’ll totally be rooting hard for you on DWTS.

Is Charlie Sheen a polygamist now, too? [The Superficial]

What Samantha Micelli looks like today – you’ll be shocked. [Lainey Gossip]

Christina Aguilera forgot her address in her drunken stupor. [Cele|Bitchy]

John Galliano fired from Dior for being a racist, classist, anti-semite fucktard. [The Blemish]

WHO is replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men? [Right Celebrity TV]

You’ll remember this girl as the chick that Justin Bieber made out with in a vehicle when he was a young lass. [Caught on Set]

Serena Williams rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. [TMZ]

Oh Robert Pattinson. Though I’ve never seen Twilight (and quite honestly, probably WON’T EVER), I still know of your sparkly, effervescent, vulva-swooning ways that are apparently appealing to those on both sides of the fence. And boyfriend? Though you were a total manly-man in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, your metro ways are slowly emerging, and I’m starting to believe the fuss that you, yourself, might be interested in those on both sides of the fence, too. There is, of course, nothing wrong wit hthis, but it definitely lends some credence to the rumors that Kristen Stewart is a lesbian, and you’re her cover. And if she is? Boy oh boy I will be, too. (For her, guys. Just for her. And maybe a few choice others – HAVE YOU VOTED?)

Patty on Twilight mania and the afterglow:

“When this is over, the media will lose interest [in the relationship]. There’ll be nothing to say. It won’t fit into a headline anymore. It won’t fit into a template.”

On his real-life love, Kristen Stewart:

“Kristen is very focused on being an actress. I mean, that’s what she is—she’s an actress. Whereas I—I just don’t really know. … She’s cool. Even before I knew her I thought she was a really good actress. Like, I saw Into the Wild, and I thought she was really good in that. I still think there are very few girls in her class that are as good as she is.”

On his favorite co-star of all time, the namesake elephant in Water for Elephants:

“She was the best actor I ever worked with in my life. I cried when the elephant was wrapped. I never cried when anyone else was wrapped.”

On becoming anonymous in the public eye while visiting a random bar in Texas:

“No one recognized me or anything. And I was like, Ah, this is really cool, sitting there eating chicken wings and stuff.

On his really fucking awful taste in sitcoms and televised shows:

“I never change the channel in my trailer. I just watch reruns of House of Payne and Two and a Half Men. I love Cops—I think it’s my favorite TV show… God, I sound like such a loser.”

My parents are big Cops fans. And I? Am not. Whenever I talk to them on the phone and they – for some reason – think that I need to know that they’re watching Cops, I totally cringe. Though I love my parents, they’ve got really fucking awful taste in television, too.

Congratz, Patz – you’ve slipped a notch or five on the hotometer – just because of that whole Cops thing.

Oh snap, kids. Justin Bieber is 17, which means that he’s ONE YEAR CLOSER to being LEGALLY boned by Selena Gomez.

Justin celebrated his 17th birthday yesterday (and I wholly lament the fact that Beebs shares his birthday with my husband, who turned thirty yesterday, even though it’s just as embarrassing that I happen to share a birthday with the Olsen twins), and to celebrate, the couple hit up a local mall, mugged for the cameras, and ate Pink Berry.

Happy birthday, Justin. Will you please just go the fuck away now?