It seems like as soon as plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes became “a thing,” comedian Joan Rivers started doing it. It’s not like she’d been shy about it– no one laughs harder about the state of her face than Joan herself– but I don’t think those of us who were born after her rise to fame truly understand the extent of work she’s had done.

You’ll probably be shocked to see the ways Joan’s face morphs over the years as you click through the gallery below. The changes beg you to ask why someone would feel the need to change their personal appearance this much in the first place.

I love you, Joan! Please stop getting nose jobs and face lifts and unnecessary fillers injected!

I love the Kardashian sisters and will support pretty much anything they do (I love to see strong Armenian women doing themselves to the most,) but I absolutely cannot stand by and watch Kim Kardashian try and position herself as some sort of singer.

This new single “JAM” had its debut on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning and it’s just GAWDAWFUL. From the completely trite and uninspired lyrics (try to tell T.I. or Rihanna that there aren’t a million ways to articulate that you’re having a fun time out with your friends) to the unforgivably bad vocals, the whole track is an abortion. There’s nothing fun or redeemable about it. Even Paris Hilton was better at turning out tracks than Kim is, and that’s saying something.

What do you think of this song? Is it as bad as I think it is or am I being overly harsh?

Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller told TMZ that the above text message was sent to her by her ex-husband regarding his lawyer Mark Burg. Of course both Charlie and Mark are denying these claims, saying that Charlie is close to far too many Jewish people for this to be true and that Brooke must have sent the text from Charlie’s phone herself. The actor said that “the goddesses” can confirm that Brooke was seen holding his phone on the same day that the text message was sent.

What’s slightly hilarious about this whole thing is Mark Burg’s comment to TMZ about all the Jews that Charlie knows:

“Charlie Sheen’s ex-publicist, Stan Rosenfield, is Jewish. Charlie Sheen’s entertainment attorney, Jake Bloom, is Jewish. Charlie Sheen’s litigation attorney, Marty Singer, is Jewish. Charlie Sheen’s divorce attorney, Mark Gross, is Jewish. I’ve known him for 13 years. I don’t believe that he actually sent that text. For the record, since Brooke Mueller is Jewish that would make Charlie Sheen’s two sons also Jewish.”

Oh, of course this is evidence that Charlie isn’t anti-Semitic! Because he employs Jews and married and impregnated a Jew! A woman that he did a lot of drugs with before he eventually held a knife to her throat on Christmas Eve! That’s such clear proof that he doesn’t hate Jews! How could we have ever even considered that this man was anti-Semitic!? *rolling my eyes*

Let’s just sit back and continue to watch this shitshow unfold, shall we?

I know, like, practically any and all of them, right? But this old friend, who’s been going through some tough times lately, is in pretty remarkable shape for her age.

Click through to find out who this bod belongs to!

(more…)

You know you want to follow the fuckery that inherently is Charlie Sheen‘s Twitter, right? [Betty Confidential]

The real reason that the Oscar hosting sucked so hard? Anne Hathaway thinks James Franco‘s a total twat. [The Superficial]

Scarlett Johansson rubs up on Sean Penn. Again. [Amy Grindhouse]

Maybe Katie Holmes really IS on some hard drugs. That explains Cruise, anyway. [ICYDK]

Kate Winslet weighed HOW MUCH at fifteen? [The Frisky]

This girl.  Honestly.  To me, Snooki is hot like Charlie Sheen right now, except, you know, without death threats.  And in this month’s issue of Rolling Stone, Snooki pops out to let the world know that she’s never going to go away.  Sorry about that, or, depending on your outlook, hooray!

From Rolling Stone:

On watching Jersey Shore: “If I do something stupid, which is pretty much the whole time, I hate it,” she says. “I just hate it. Obviously, they’re only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I’m seeing is me drunk and falling down. That’s how I am when I party, but some of the stuff I do is, like, ‘Really, Nicole?’ I look like a freakin’ alcoholic. I’m like, ‘You’re sweating, your makeup is running, you look gross.’ I just look like shit.”

On being filmed constantly: “It messes with your head,” Polizzi says. “That’s why we go crazy. That’s why we fight with each other. That’s why we drink. We’re living in a house for two months with that shit. We can’t have cellphones, TV, radio or the Internet. If the president died, we’d have no idea. There’s no normalcy. It’s just like prison, with cameras.”

On sex on the Jersey Shore: “The only person I’ve had sex with on Jersey Shore is my boyfriend,” she says. “The guys you see me bring home, we’re only cuddling and making out like any other person would do, but we’re on camera and the whole world’s seeing it, and it does look like I’m having sex.”

On her future: “When Jersey Shore ends I’m going to do more spinoffs,” she says. “If MTV doesn’t want them, another network will be, like, ‘What does Snooki do now?’ or ‘Snooki’s getting married!’ What I’d like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions…I’m trying to build an empire, because after this I can’t get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?”

She has a point with that last one there, but it’s just weird to see anyone say that she wants to turn out like Jessica Simpson, isn’t it?