I don’t know about you guys, but as an AVID Harry Potter freak, I have a pretty hard time separating the books’ characters from its actors and actresses, so whenever I see Emma Watson flitting around in public, scantily clad, and I automatically think, ‘Girlfriend, Ron is going to be SO ENVIOUS of EVERY DUDE THAT CHECKS YOU OUT.’ Then I have to shake myself because it’s just. not. real.

Sometimes it even kind of transcends into actual life for me sometimes. I was watching some really cheesy Brendan Fraser action movie last night and it was super-intense.  SUPER-INTENSE.  There were a lot of cliffhanger moments and at one point, a life-saving rope was, like, JUST out of reach. My polluted-ass brain? Fires its cockeyed synapses and I say – out loud, mind you – ‘Accio! ACCIO, Fraser!’

And so this is why I’m a gossip writer and not, you know, someone that has to hold sharp objects in a delicate and precise manner for an extended period of time, like a surgeon or gas station attendant or something.

But anyway, forget about me, Emma Watson has decided to take a break from her studies at Brown University in an effort to concentrate on her career. She states that it’s become too much of an effort to balance studying and tests and what not with the uber-demanding schedule that’s been set forth by the upcoming premiere for the final installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It’s apparent that girlfriend’s got contractual obligations for this crap, and I know that she can’t just get an excuse to miss work because she’s got a test or whatever, but withdrawing. Wow. It’s nuts. People are freaking out. I even read on a related message board that there were some people out there that were really concerned about Emma losing her financial aid because of dropping her full-time student status, but I chuffed because GUYS. Emma Watson, filling out the fucking FAFSA? PUH-LEASE.

This just isn’t healthy, you guys. Charlie Sheen, wielding a machete like he’s, I don’t know, back in fucking Platoon or something, but this time it’s not a movie, it’s real life, and Charlie’s slowly but surely losing his cracked and meth-clouded marbles one by one.

Here, Charlie’s pictured on the roof of Live Nation, waving a machete around with one of his ‘goddesses,’ pretending to drink a really foul-looking blood-like substance out of a bottle labeled ‘Tiger Blood’ while smoking cigarette after cigarette. Dude’s fingers are probably the color of burnt ochre by now – could you imagine what his lungs look like? Ugh.

His parting words?

‘Free at last, free at last.’

Boyfriend also sent a text message to People this morning (I KNOW, RIGHT?!) claiming that the beast was alive, and dangerous:

“Put yourself in my shoes for one warlock nanosecond. At some point there is nothing to say. Only war to wage … The winds are howling tonight. The gods are hungry. The beast is alive. And awake. And deadly.”

I don’t know about you all, but this is becoming quite the depressing-assed shitshow if you ask me, so here. To lighten the mood, I have an adorable, innocent child, speaking the recent quotes of Charlie Sheen. Enjoy!

This cheered me up marginally, but I still think I’m going to start pre-composing an obit for Charlie here, and just saving it in my little drafts folder for when that time comes, because it’s this year, guys. Mark my words, and the closing bit at the end? It’ll be ‘free at last, free at last.’

In case you missed it on Ryan Seacrest’s show this morning, here’s the livestream of Selena Gomez and the Scene’s ‘Who Says.’

ARE YOU FREAKING OUT OR WHAT!?

What do Kanye West and Liv Tyler have in common? [The Superficial]

What star said ‘I talk like I know what I’m saying, but I don’t'? [Cele|Bitchy]

The most horrifying thing I’ve seen all year: Gary Busey pole dancing. [TMZ]

Badass Daniel Craig crossdresses for gender eqality. [Amy Grindhouse]

Gisele and her girlfriend party in next to nothing for Carnival. [ICYDK]

Jennifer Aniston can’t even get a fucking sex tape right. [Socialite Life]

Lily Allen opens up about her miscarriages. [Huffington Post]

Lindsay Lohan‘s spread in the Japanese teen/fashion magazine ModeGirl is, what? Her third post-rehab photo shoot? It seems like the best gigs the one-time actress can get these days is some occasional modeling and honestly? I don’t hate the idea for her.

If there’s anything I learned from Top Model, it’s that modeling requires you to be a semi-decent actress, but it doesn’t require you to do things like memorize lines and/or not look like you’re strung out. That sounds like the perfect career for Lindz while she continues on her path of sobriety, assuming she keeps her dumb ass out of jail.

Would any of you be opposed to Lindsay checking out of the movie game and focusing on whatever her version of Blue Steel is for a little while?

Actress Raven-Symone? showed off a short haircut while performing at a Disney Showcase in Florida over the weekend and yo: It is really nice to see this chick without some overly-styled extensions up in that dome of hers.

When she was a kid, she did the braided look, the last few years she was rocking the heavy weave look and finally she’s doing something with her hair that shows off her best asset: her face. I don’t think I realized how pretty Raven is until I saw these pictures. All that hair was doing her a serious disservice. Sucks she probably spent like, a bajillion dollars to keep that gross look up for so long.

Also, and this is awkward to say, but did she maybe get her double chin “taken care of?” It seems as though her jowls were always on the plumper side and her face is looking skinnnnyyyyyy.