Aww, look at little Kim Kardashian before she jacked her face up. I mean, it’s really not all that far off from what it is today – aside from looking kind of waxy and much more sculpted – so I really have to say ‘kudos’ on the semi-tasteful facial enhancements that Kim apparently thought were a necessity. Kimmy’s also got a little playmate over there on the far right, and I’m sure most of you can guess who it is. But hey. I know some of you guys are probably pretty sheltered, aren’t you?

Find out after the jump.

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It’s amazing, too, doesn’t it seem like it’s been years in the making (the breakup, not the relationship)?

Reps for both parties have come forward and announced that Biel and Timberlake, who did whatever it was they did best (running, was it?), were officially splitting:

“Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake’s relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other.”

Justin has been linked to both Mila Kunis and Olivia Munn over the past six months, and I really think that this official announcement is just the couple’s way of saying ‘We ACTUALLY broke up quite awhile ago, fucked around for a bit, but now we want to fuck others exclusively.’ Either that, or Jess’s rep finally convinced her that it was just. time. to let go.

Kate Upton has a bikini painted on. No joke. [The Superficial]

What celebrity siblings were caught smoking pot together at an Oscar party? [Cele|Bitchy]

Chris Brown just can’t catch a break, can he? [Amy Grindhouse]

Tony Danza is back on the market – would you still mess with him? [ICYDK]

This is the hottest Victoria’s Secret model of all time, hands down. [Celebrity VIP Lounge]

Avril Lavigne covers Ke$ha – does it get trashier than that? [The Frisky]

EXCLUSIVE: Selena Gomez extended ‘Who Says’ preview! [Celebuzz]

If you ever find yourself thinking that Miley Cyrus is a little bit too Hollywood, just reference these photos. The 18-year-old singer/actress went after a paparazzo in an LA parking lot yesterday, full-on hitting the dude and then standing around for another minute to give some lip to everyone documenting the moment. And remember, kids: This is the second time this has happened this week.

Deep down, Miley’s just a butt-draggin’, pole-grindin’, bong-rippin’ down home gal that will whoop yo’ ass in a parking lot.

Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce from Pete Wentz what seems like an hour ago, she’s being mad shady about sharing custody of their son Bronx, and to top it off, we now know she’s, at the very least, canoodling with. Don’t know who that is? Me neither, but he’s in some pop punk band called Chiodos. To top it off? His band is signed to Pete’s record label and one of his personal friends. Nice, Ashlee!

Rumors of Pete’s “erratic behavior” being the cause of their split sound even less credible now that we’ve seen this. I am defender #1 of any and all Simpsons (except Joe,) but fucking a close friend of your ex is a really great way to say, “I’d like to cause you a lot of emotional pain and alienate you on as many levels as possible.”

Not a good look, girl.

As you’re probably all aware by now, a massive 8.9 earthquake has hit Japan, sending a tsunami wave behind it, which destroyed a lot of stuff in its path. Hundreds have been found dead, and many more are still missing. People are stranded, homes are destroyed, worried families can’t get in touch with their loved ones, and the results of the quake and tsunami are beginning to be physically felt around the world. The west coast of the US and South America are targeted with tsunami warnings, and another earthquake has hit Hawaii, which Fox News claims is totally unrelated to the quake that hit Japan earlier in the morning.

Say a prayer, guys. These poor people – just say some prayers, send good vibes, well wishes, start figuring out ways to help, whatever. These people need all of the thoughts – and more – that they can get right now.