Katherine Heigl in a bikini is NOT what you expected. [The Superficial]

The Vagina Virgin will probably not strike again anytime soon. [Lainey Gossip]

Wyclef goes to Haiti, surprisingly gets shot in the hand and here’s all the details. [IDLYITW]

Tough, tough choice: who has the better ass in a side-by-side comparison? [Yeeeah]

A female Indiana Jones? Rather, a HOT female Indiana Jones? OK, thank you, yes. [Pajiba]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is officially in the new Batman movie. [Cele|Bitchy]

Kim Kardashian: jiggly thighs and cellulite. [Amy Grindhouse]

Piece of shit Kathy Griffin drops some more classically unfunny Sarah Palin jokes. [The Frisky]

Snooki‘s new boyfriend tries to drown her. [Celebuzz]

Kate Hudson‘s ex-husband is apparently one of the ZZ Top brothers. [Socialite Life]

Robert Pattinson in Playgirl, and no, I’m not kidding. [OMGBlog]

I always marvel at how tall – or small – some celebrities are, and when I saw these pictures that were sent to me by our photo agency, I just … stared.

Above, we have hot-ass Kim Kardashian and her latest boyfriend, NBA star Kris Humphries. I know that basketball players are supposed to be super-tall and big and what not, but boyfriend here looks positively Photoshopped next to Kim. And to make Kim look like a tiny, delicate, shrinking violet, you must be pretty damned imposing. Also, I just now noticed that Kim Kardashian’s boyfriend’s name is Kris. And I’ll bet if they end up getting married, he’ll have to change his last name to Khumphries, because that’s just how Kim rolls, guys.

Do I see a pattern emerging here?

Incidentally, am I the only one to think that Kris, in the first photo up top there, looks a bit like the troll from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, or did I just watch too much of ABC Family’s Harry Potter weekend over the last few days?

Ashlee Simpson, or the ‘Pieces of Me’ chick who will go down in history as doing her husband dirty and throwing up a surprise divorce before he heads out to tour, ’cause she can’t keep her legs closed for thirty whole days while he’s gone (come on, what do you expect – thirty days is SUCH a long time in Hollywood) has been photographed doing something with her son. (I know, crazy, right?)

Simpson and her son, Bronx, were caught out at a Milk + Bookies event in LA this past weekend, sans daddy Pete Wentz, of course. Ashlee was all teeth and bright-red lipstick, and little Bronx’s smiles looked forced, like someone took away his favorite teddy bear. Or at the very least, Daddy.

Sorry, Ashlee, it’s nothing personal.  I really like the Milk + Bookies thing, I just think you’re a twat.

Child stars are the best, right?  Something special and magical happens when a kid is thrust into the spotlight like a piece of meat thrown to the wolves.  And really, what tool do we have to analyze this that is better than Twitter?  I defy you to name one, but before you do, go ahead and check out these tweets and we can decide which former child star is the most well-adjusted today.

Where my dogs at?  Just kidding, that’s ridiculous.  Bow Wow has always been ridiculous, even when he was just a puppy. His nonsensical ramblings about tacos just further prove that, but who knows, maybe you guys understand what he’s trying to say and identify with him, I don’t know, that’s why we’re voting.

I know this JoBro is still pretty young, but he totally qualifies for this category.  He’s been dating a Twilight vampire with no purity ring on – he’s not a child anymore.  He’s a grown ass man who feels the need to tell his fans about his dog’s flatulence.

Finally we have Sister Sister‘s Tia Mowry with her good attitude and positive hashtags.  I have no mockery for that.

“I can say this about Charlie right now. Charlie has been nothing but a great friend to me, nothing but a great friend. I showed him how to destroy a hotel room, and he showed me how to edit and work on film. It was great.”

- Beautiful Bret Michaels bragging on his bro, Charlie Sheen.

Was it really that “great,” Bret?  Because if you taught him how to destroy a hotel room, then all you did was teach him how to kick off his biggest downward spiral yet.  I thought you were better than that, Bret, but I guess you were right all along – every rose does have its thorns.  Lesson learned.

Sources close to Lindsay Lohan say the actress is finally realizing that leaving her fate in the hands of a jury may not be the best idea, and is considering the three-month plea deal she was offered, knowing that she would probably only serve 19 days of that sentence.

When originally offered the plea deal, Lindsay turned up her nose at it saying that she wasn’t going to cop to anything she didn’t do and would go to trial if she had to. Of course you can only imagine what kind of sentence Lindsay would get if her case was turned over to 12 random California residents.

My advice? Take the deal, Lindsay. 19 more days in jail is nothing compared to the drawn out drama of a trail. You can spend those 19 days reading scripts and picking a project to work on when you’re out of there. If you’re subjected to what could be a trial that takes weeks or months or years, you’ll be dragging around this drama with you for another half of a decade. Move on from this and in the future, don’t take any more free gifts. Earn everything yourself like a normal human being, it’ll be good for ya.