Lady Gaga recently said that if Hollywood made a movie about her life, she’d like actress Marisa Tomei to play her. Pssh! Fat chance, right?! The beautiful and talented Marisa Tomei depicting the rough and wild Lady Gaga? Not in a million years, right?

Wrong.

Marisa made an appearance on The View recently and said that she’s be pumped to play the dirty pop star on the big screen. She said, “I was thrilled when I heard. I love her. I love her music. And she’s a smart businesswoman. So I was so touched, really. I think it’s incredible that she likes my work and that she’d think of me in that way. I thought it was great.”

A smart businesswoman, maybe, but as for the rest of it? Her music sucks and her story is a pretty common in the Hollywood crowd. No one needs to see a movie about some girl named Stephanie buying some wigs.

You can do better, Marisa!

Hey, look, Snooki‘s in yet another bathing suit. [The Superficial]

Taylor Momsen literally lets it all hang out (again) at SxSW. [Celebuzz]

What celebrity feels like a ‘loser’ because she hasn’t any children? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Justin Bieber‘s mom attempted suicide? [Earsucker]

Alright, somebody just needs to put Bam Margera out of his misery already. [TMZ]

Are Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan reconciling? [ICYDK]

Two and a Half Men might not be over just yet. [The Blemish]

Attention Buffy fans: Sarah Michelle Gellar is filming a new movie! [Caught on Set]

Jordan Sparks loses a TON of weight. [Huffington Post]

Bat for Lashes covers Depeche Mode? [OMGBlog]

What superstar claims that he was abducted by aliens once? [Bitten and Bound]

I don’t know about you guys, but something about this couple is a total turn-on. I’m not sure if it’s just the idea of Scarlett Johansson bumping uglies with someone so much OLDER than she is (I always had a thing for much older guys, too, Scar, I can totally dig it), or if it’s got to do with the fact that Sean Penn has been such a flat-out badass for the majority of his life (another part of the appeal: guilty as charged), but these two, as far as I’m concerned, are totally one of the hottest Hollywood couples going right now, and they’re not doing much to squash the rumors that they’ve been banging for the last eight weeks or so. Most recently, they were seen together at some Italian restaurant in LA:

It wasn’t an intimate, one-on-one dinner date, but Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn seemed very much a couple when they joined a small group of friends for dinner Saturday night in West Hollywood.

“They were smiles all night and seemed to have a great time together,” a source at the restaurant tells PEOPLE. “Scarlett and Sean sat very closely and exchanged flirty looks.”

Johansson, 26, and Penn, 50, enjoyed an Italian feast at Cecconi’s West Hollywood, where they shared pasta and fish dishes washed down with wine, a source tells PEOPLE.

Adds the source: “Scarlett acted very intrigued by him. She would smile, nod her head and just listen to his stories.”

The pair previously cozied up for a more intimate dinner earlier this month at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont, the hotel where the actress has been staying while filming We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon.

Rumors about the two being a couple first swirled in January, just a month after the actress’s December split from her husband, Ryan Reynolds.

Talk of a budding romance heated up when the two took a short and sweet getaway to Mexico at the beginning of January.

All I know is that if I were famous, single, and on the rebound from someone who appeared to have the personality of a fucking level of composite wood, I’d be keen on letting Sean Penn slambaste me, too.

And though I’m pretty excited, I’m also kind of nervous at the moment because my garbage collectors literally just arrived, on this windy, windy day, and they’e gonna be so ticked when they see all of the packing peanuts in my trash receptacle. WINDY.

Anyway, the trailer for the long-awaited fourth installation of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is here, and a lot of people have mixed reviews about it. Me, I think Johnny Depp (and Geoffrey Rush, of course) are totally the faces of the Pirates movies, but there are a shit ton of fans out there who refuse to see the movie a) because the Keira Knightley/Orlando Bloom love story won’t be addressed, or b) they can’t stand to listen to Penelope Cruz’s God-awful accent for two-and-a-half-plus hours (you know these movies are always well over 150 minutes).

I’m excited about it anyway. I love the movies, I’ve loved the ride in Disney World since I first went on it over seventeen years ago, and I think Penelope Cruz is actually rather pleasing (unlike the really awful looks I’m getting from my trashmen as I sit here on the front porch, trying to make myself smaller and smaller).

What about you guys, are you over the Pirates saga, or will you be queueing up on May 20th when it’s finally released?

So I think Rimmel’s generally alright. Their products, as far as drugstore makeup go, aren’t half bad. I really enjoy their Jelly Gloss, because I hate the feel of lipstick on my lips (which usually dries them out), and I’d rather look like I just gave a really sweet round of head than I would appear to have dry, cracked lips with intermittent spotting of faded color.

That being said, I’m still way pissed at Rimmel for Photoshopping the fuck out of above celebrity. She looks practically nothing as she does in real life, and I’m even more appalled that Rimmel, after seeing their mistake, still decided to run the image anyway.

Jump in to find out who the latest Photoshop victim was, if you haven’t guessed already (you probably haven’t).

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Nothing but the best for our man Tiger, you know? Above you see the mugshot of Alyse Lahti Johnston, Tiger Woods’ rumored new girlfriend. I know we’e not fair for running a foul photo like this to introduce his new lady, but hey. I for sure thought this photo was an ad for acne medicine and ‘Faces of Meth,’ and thought it was definitely appropriate enough for a Monday morning after breakfast.

Johnston is a twenty-two year-old student at Northwood University in West Palm Beach, Florida, and she and Tiger have been spotted numerous times in recent months both on the beaches of Florida and on Tiger’s yacht, which should be aptly named ‘Herpecin,’ or maybe ‘Valtrex.’ The above photo is from a DUI run-in she had back in October of 2010.

Anyway, before you go dismissing these claims because she comes across as just another random, digest this little tidbit: Alyse’s daddy is an executive at IMG, the sports agency that represents Tiger and his golf-playing.

Daddy. must be. SO. PROUD.