Russell Brand and Katy Perry had a short courtship and after reading these quotes from Russell’s interview on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories, I’m pretty sure that their marriage may be just as short.

Here are some of the sound bites:

Russell, a former sex addict, on his tamer life in the bedroom: “I can’t believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I’m married. But now I’m a bloody good gardener.”

On what it would be like for him to raise children: “I’m aware I have no recourse if they misbehave. ‘Expelled from school for drugs? Well done you’re on target.’”

On monogamy and shacking up: “It’s difficult getting used to one person and being in the same house everyday.”

On getting used to Katy’s lifestyle: “She takes ages to get ready. It’s unbelievable. I had no idea what went on, I was never normally around for that bit.”

So his sex addiction has turned into a gardening addiction, he’s not sure he’s capable of raising kids, he’s still not confident about living with one woman for the rest of his life and he had no idea what it takes to transform her from an average lookin’ lady to the sexpot we all know. Yup. Sounds like someone bit off more than they could chew to me.

I give ‘em another year, tops. Do you think these two have a chance at lasting?

I love when Jennifer Lopez goes around with her tits hanging out. [Celebuzz]

How, exactly, did Jordin Sparks lose so much weight? [Betty Confidential]

Paris Hilton doesn’t hate all black guys, just poor ones. [Amy Grindhouse]

Lindsay Lohan‘s been all over New York City’s bars, but has she been drinking? [ICYDK]

Pole dancing for Jesus? [The Frisky]

Did Minnie Driver‘s jaw get bigger? [The Frisky]

New Jennifer Hudson album! [OMGBlog]

What chick from Glee got naked for some pics that may or may not have been released? [IDLYITW]

Things that an average person would do during a zombie apocalypse. [Pajiba]

Melissa Joan Hart discusses today’s privacy in being a celebrity. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Justin Bieber is a liar. [The Superficial]

New couple alert? Renee Zellweger turns to Sandra Bullock for comfort after breakup. [Socialite Life]

Life & Style is reporting the Hugh Hefner’s fiancée Crystal Harris was seen cozying up to Dr. Phil’s son last night at Bar Marmont in Hollywood. The two sat closely and while Crystal wasn’t too inappropriate, Phil’s son, Jordan McGraw, was all over her, kissing her shoulders and holding her hand out in the open where anyone could see. Disrespectful, dude.

Crystal and Hef were engaged back in December, and while Hef has let his other girlfriends date in the past (so long as they weren’t disrespectful about it,) I have a feeling that he did not sign off on his fiancée talking to other men. In fact, a source close to Crystal told the magazine, “They’ve been sneaking around because Crystal is supposed to be happily engaged to Hef, and going out in public with Jordan would tarnish Hef and Crystal’s relationship image.”

I wonder what the broken-hearted Holly would have to say about this news…

And not a moment too soon, I might add.

Ok, it’s not a secret how strongly I feel about Twitter.  I think it’s an excellent tool to express yourself, to connect with other people, and to fall in love with misguided rappers.  That being said, I also know on a more personal level that if you like to party a lot, maybe Twitter isn’t exactly the best idea (right, Lindsay?).  But I’m not one to belittle dreams, so you follow your heart, Christina.  You do what’s right for you.

But here’s what I propose: let’s all follow Christina religiously on the Twitter so we can be the first to know when she’s drunk, when she announces that she’s starting her much-needed stint in rehab (ha), and whenever she has sex in classy places.  If we do that, then I think we’ll all grow from it.

“Chelsea [Handler] is confident. I think confidence is the sexiest thing about a person. She’s the kind of person that if you’re blessed with the opportunity to hang out with her, you’ll enjoy it. I’m not sure you’ll look at her and actually want to jump over the table and fuck her, but you might. You would leave after talking with her feeling that she is a cool person.”

… So, what you’re saying, CURTIS, is that you banged her for her sparkling personality and not her looks? Because I’m not quite sure how to take that otherwise, but hey … ‘you might.’

Way harsh, Fitty friend. Way harsh.

Ah decisions: dark hair with blonde roots or blonde hair with dark roots? This is a conundrum right here folks.

No, but really, this is a trick question.  Because Evan Rachel Wood is pretty gross no matter what color her hair is.  I think she spent too many years having voodoo sex with the undead, ripping off the style of burlesque ex-girlfriends, and sitting around in Manson feces for much too long, because this girl? Is just out of the park, and I’m pretty sure that I don’t mean that as a compliment.