I know that on our website, we should be sticking to discussing people of importance, and a lot of you probably don’t know who Ina Garten is, but I’m here to tell you: she’s a cook on a cooking show and she’s a bitch. A straight-up, heartless bitch whose recipes really AREN’T EVEN THAT GOOD.

Garten, or the ‘Barefoot Contessa,’ was recently approached by a little boy at the Make-a-Wish Foundation.  The little boy, Enzo, is six years old and dying from leukemia. His one wish? To cook with Garten, as the little boy used to watch her show religiously while resting in bed with his mama after invasive medical treatments. The foundation approached the woman last year about the boy’s wish, and her team of handlers responded ‘no,’ because she was too tied up with a book tour. The boy, crushed, claimed that even though he was disappointed, he’d wait until she was free.

By a lucky chain of events, the little boy, Enzo, is alive a year later. Fast-forward to current time: MaW’s people approach Ina Garten once again, and this time her people come forward and simply say ‘No – a definite no,’ claiming that there’s just not enough time in the day.

First of all, she’s the FUCKING BAREFOOT CONTESSA.  HOW BUSY could she possibly be?  I had to Google this bitch’s real name so that I could refer to her properly. Second, she’s gonna turn down a little boy’s dying wish? How could someone be so heartless?

The little boy has since changed his wish, and will be swimming with dolphins in the coming months instead.

Fail, Barefoot Contessa.  I’ll stick to idolizing real chefs, thanks.

So I know it’s, like, mad rude and really unfair to make fun of pregnant women, and I want to put it out there up front that that’s SO not what this post is about: it’s about me, of course, and how these pictures are positively great birth control for anyone who is not quite ready to have a (or in my case, another) child.

Alicia Silverstone, bless her heart, looks haggard, tired, and definitely not the blushing, rosy-cheeked mother earth that so many women claim they are during their pregnancies. And Alicia? I totally feel you.  IT’S NORMAL.  When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was bloated, swollen, cranky, tired, achy, and a whole cornucopia of other really wretched, probably hard-to-be-around things. And you know what, guys? I was happy as hell to no longer be pregnant after my sweet blessing of a daughter was born. I love children, my pregnancy was happily planned and executed, and I’m so thankful for the experience – but I am NOT one of those women who just thrives on being pregnant, and I never will be.

So this? For the family members who are out to get me pregnant by osmosis and won’t take the hint that I’M just not ready to host another living being inside my body for the next nine months? Is my birth control. End of story, I win, you lose.

For now.

I just watched this Teen.com with Raven-Symoné, and I don’t think I’ve been more confused about my opinion on a person since my friend dated this really sweet sociopath who lied about needing an abortion to swindle money and attention out of him and then disappeared completely one day. Well, actually, her I think I hate, but Raven-Symoné is a little harder to pin down.

Is this chick funny? She might be. She kind of makes me smile and she definitely has an animated personality, but she’s also kind of a cheeseball and I can swear that at least half of the things she said didn’t make sense.

Also, I think she might be kind of pretty now? Her skin looks amazing. And yo! Did you know that Olivia from the Cosby Show is 25 years old now?! I could have sworn that I was anywhere from 10-100 years older than this chick, but she’s just two years younger than me. That’s kinda mind-blowing.

What’s your verdict on Raven-Symoné and do you have any idea why she weirds me out so much?

I don’t know if this is the most ingenious casting job I’ve ever seen or just the craziest, but pornstar and current Charlie Sheen goddess Bree Olson is set to star in her first non-pornographic film, Mancation. The other two people cast whose names you may recognize? Danica Mckellar AKA Winnie Cooper and Joey Fatone AKA the grossest member of *NSYNC beside Chris and maybe Lance, depending on the day.

One thing’s for sure either way: Whoever’s behind this movie got me to type the word Mancation after reading this news, so they’re “winning,” so to speak.

Well, I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but somehow that insufferable bitch Katherine Heigl managed to nearly win me over with these paparazzi shots of her and a friend eating lunch. Why? She reminded me of myself, duh.

Allow me to break it down:

1) A lunch that consists of a plate of lettuce and a big glass of beer? Don’t mind if I do. In fact, I already did.

2) She took a picture of her food. That’s SO blogger. Does Katherine Heigl have a secret food blog? OMG, is she Ruth Bourdain?

3) Surprised by the waitstaff. Girl, me too. The most awkward three minutes of life on any given day is when any sort of waiter asks me any kind of question about what I want or how I want it. I never feel more put on the spot or unsure of how to respond.

4) The post-meal nicotine intake is also a must, and as someone who’s also trying to quit smoking, my e-cig has turned into my BFF, just like Katie Kate Kate Heigl. Starting to wonder if I need to adopt an Asian baby ASAP.

5) I LOL with my friends all the time, so obviously I can relate to the photo where she’s doing the same. I love to LOL.

Yo, is Katherine Heigl kind of likable sometimes, or am I a bitch, too?

Zsa Zsa Gabor has been hanging in there for quite some time despite being ill, but after hearing the news that her friend Elizabeth Taylor passed away yesterday, she immediately checked in to the hospital. Her publicist said that the loss of Elizabeth and her friend Jane Russell convinced her that she would be the next to die, and the stress, combined with her high blood pressure, was too much for Zsa Zsa to handle.

Dude, this is the saddest story ever. First of all, Jane, Liz and Zsa Zsa were three of their generations most beautiful and well-known women and watching them go through the same decay and death process as any elderly person is kind of crazy. Celebrities are just like us, guys. Secondly, I can’t think of anything much more scary and depressing than being one of the last people alive out of your circle of friends. Like, hug your grandparents extra hard next time you see them.