Wow, that was way more cryptic than I meant it to be.  Really, all I meant was “say goodbye to the Lohans because they’re all dropping the Lohan family name due to the fact that Michael Lohan is a horrible human being and no one, not even his family, wants to be associated with him anymore,” but that wasn’t nearly as pithy.

But anyway, remember when Michael Jr. changed his last name to Cameron?  He apparently inspired his mother and sisters to leave the Lohan name behind as well.  Dina and little Ali are going with Dina’s maiden name of Sullivan, but Lindsay’s going to do something a little different.  Are you ready for it?  Here’s our favorite girl’s new name:

Lindsay.

That’s it.  Just Lindsay.  She doesn’t need a last name because the only people who call her by her full name anymore are judges and prosecutors, and she’s enough of a sweetheart to make arraignments a little more simple.  Well, I’m sure that’s a reason, but here’s the reason that a “family friend” gave:

“So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list.”

That’s ingenious.  I know that when I think of “the greatest people in showbiz,” Lindsay’s at the top of the list.  I think it also works because of the rarity of her name – just like Oprah and Beyonce, not too many people name their kids Lindsay. Another great call by the clan formerly known as the Lohans.

Ugh, as if this guy could not get ANY MORE REPULSIVE, he picks up the funnest-looking chick in the airport and slaps the ‘girlfriend’ label on her. I know it’s not polite to classify people based on who they hang out with, but we all learned in middle school that if you hang out with dogs, you’re either going to get fleas, or just, you know, fucked up during a blacked-out rage. Anyone who’d knowingly get romantically involved with him at this point in spite of his notorious temper has got to be either crazy, or just looking for a stepladder to some free publicity.

No, but honestly, this IS his girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, as reports say, and the happy couple was photographed last night at an airport in Richmond, Virginia. (Nice hair, honey. I mean ‘jacket.’ No, no, I mean ‘hair.’)

Just be careful, Chris – I hear the smaller they are, the easier they break.

“I nearly asked her to marry me on our first date. It was like a hit of acid, a wave of confusion, emerging from under the water, a moment of Oh bloody hell, different perception for a moment, extraordinary…And then I thought, I’ll give it space and see what happens. … It’s the most normal relationship I’ve ever had with anybody. She’s very spirited, bighearted, innocent, but very, very smart. Someone told me that enlightenment is contingent upon being able to hold opposing views simultaneously. I’m actually attracted to that magnetism and sort of repulsion. She’s endlessly fascinating…I was at a point in my life where I was ready to behave. I look at it the way I look at most things: One day at a time. I will say it’s very, very rewarding and I love her.”

- Russell Brand on courting, proposing to, and worshiping Katy Perry.

I don’t know – a lot of people think that these two are going to split up within the year or so, but I think these two fools are in it to win it. I can just imagine them both flitting off to obscurity together, hand in hand, sitting in plastic-covered armchairs and watching reruns of The Price is Right, while eating pork rinds and Ring Dings, getting fat, fat, fatter off of their Booky Wook and ‘Teenage Dream’ royalties, and becoming so apathetic about one another and their situation together that they’ll just never have the gumption to go and split up. Sometimes it’s just easier that way, and this is the way that I see these two working out, you know?

The 40 best unflattering celebrity photos - LULZ. [Socialite Life]

Hot celebrities in 15 banned commercials. [The Frisky]

The Jersey Shore finale: you’ll never believe what went down. [Celebuzz]

Is this Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend? [Lainey Gossip]

It’s not Jennifer Lopez on American Idol, it’s actually Marc Anthony in drag. [Cele|Bitchy]

Paris Hilton: deny, deny, deny. [Amy Grindhouse]

Kat Dennings shows us her ‘nerd boobs’ again. [The Superficial]

What hot-abbed female celeb has a tattoo way low on her hip? [ICYDK]

Behind the scenes of Megan Fox‘s hot Armani ads! [Yeeeah]

Of course there are people who defend Chris Brown – they’re called ASSHOLES. [IDLYITW]

So um, wow. That was different.

I’m not a huge Gaga fan when it comes to her music – chintzy club anthems just aren’t really my thing – but I’m not going to deny that girfriend’s got a pretty killer voice, and she did some interesting things with this song.

In this rendition of ‘Born This Way,’ which almost sounds like something that you’d hear on Roseanne (but that’s probably just the raunchy-awesome harmonica urging me to say that), Gaga’s voice sounds stronger than ever, and the song – as far as I’m concerned – is much easier to digest.

But I still wouldn’t consider myself a fan of the song.

What do you guys think? Are you loving the Country Road version of ‘Born This Way‘?

So when was the last time that YOU saw photos of a movie premiere that hosted so many attractive young ladies? Because the last time I remember seeing this many pretty, successful young women gracing the screen, it was for Now and Then. And you just hold your tongue right there, friend, because that. Was a good movie.

This is also the main difference between Now and Then and Sucker Punch. SP is supposedly filled with gratuitous heaving cleavage, short-shorts, and deflowering of innocent women, and Now and Then? Was just way classier. I’m not saying that SP is a bad movie to see – I just won’t see it. But that’s because my tastes don’t generally run toward movies like Hellboy and Iron Man.