I don’t know about you guys, but I am SO STOKED that Britney‘s launching a big comeback. I haven’t liked her music since I was a junior in high school (and that, my friends was an awkward phase to say the least), but ever since she totally cracked up and went all vulnerable and soft in the public eye, this girl’s been pulling for her to make a grand return.
This? I think is it.
Britney still isn’t allowed to do live talk shows yet, probably because her father’s afraid that she’ll attack some bus-looking lady with a rickety umbrella, but hey – taping your GMA performance is totally a start (you can catch it on TV tomorrow morning).
Maybe sometime next decade we can see Britney up-close and personal, speaking her own words and thoughts aloud for the world to hear. She’s come so far, you guys.
Just when you thought the shitstorm of Christina Aguilera‘s drunken life was about to die down, you were wrong: girfriend was spotted making out in the backseat of a car with her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler.
I know that making out in the back of a vehicle isn’t nearly as trashy as, say, getting it on during a party in a relative’s bathroom or something, but it’s definitely something I’M no longer interested in as a twenty-seven year-old woman myself. See, for some reason, I’ve been prone to car sickness over the past few years, and if I’m hanging out in the car without facing forward and watching what’s coming at me, let alone IN THE BACKSEAT, I’m probably going to be nauseous as hell and want to puke all over you. I mean, I won’t, because I’m not a car-puker, but sometimes? I could.
And if I happened to find myself making out with Christina Aguilera in the backseat of a car, you bet your sweet ass that I’d definitely be puking. She probably tastes like undigested bits of junk food and cheap wrinkle cream.
“I never thought I would get to kiss Michael Douglas. I kind of think of it in algebra terms, back to my high-school days. It’s like the transitive property – by kissing Michael Douglas, I am making out with Catherine.”
In case you didn’t know, Matt Damon is referring to the upcoming Liberace biopic in which Michael Douglas plays that well-loved pianist. Matt, if you couldn’t piece it together, plays Liberace’s boyfriend. Can you even wait for this movie?
Remember that time that Sarah compiled a list of her ten hottest men and let you guys vote for the absolute hottest? Wasn’t that fun? I thought so, and ever since she posted it, I’ve been doing my best to come up with my own list. There’s a slight difference – I’m going with “attractive” guys instead of “hot” guys. I’m defining attractive guys as dudes who you’d be cool to hang out with after banging them. Got it? All right, then let’s go ahead and get started, and you can vote afterwards.
10. Simon Woods
Um, he played Bingley in Keira Knightley’sPride and Prejudice? Remember? Also, he’s a beautiful ginger, and you know how I feel about the gingers. I hope you like them too, otherwise you might not enjoy this list too much.
9. Gaspard Ulliel
He was the guy who played Hannibal in Hannibal Rising and made you feel super awkward for lusting after a serial killer. That wasn’t just me, right?
8. Casey Abrams
We talked about him a couple weeks ago, but I’m not done yet. You watch that video, and if you don’t find him at least a little bit attractive, then you need to get yourself evaluated, because all is not well.
7. Andrew McMahon
Jack’s Mannequin, right? I get a lot of flack for this from my hipster friends, but I like Jack’s Mannequin better than Something Corporate. Don’t get me wrong, I love both, but there’s just something so special about Jack’s Mannequin. Also, a ginger playing his heart out on a piano? It really doesn’t get much more attractive for me, you guys.
6. Gabe Saporta
I love the fuck out of Cobra Starship, and I’m not afraid to admit that. And Gabe Saporta is a gorgeous man, but he’s also ridiculously awesome: he’s so awesome that Pete Wentz has his face tattooed on his leg.
5. Seth Rogen
Last weekend this guy took me to see Paul, that movie where Seth voices an alien? And we were chatting, and he was like “do you like Seth Rogen?” and I was like “yeah.” But it wasn’t like a casual “yeah,” it was this weird throaty “yeah” that revealed way too many of my impure thoughts. It was a good movie though.
4. Paul Bettany
Was anyone else’s adolescence shaped by Paul Bettany in A Knight’s Tale as much as mine was? That is to say, did anyone else watch that movie and then read The Canterbury Tales looking for answers that your 13-year-old brain couldn’t form the questions to?
3. Johnny Knoxville
I don’t care what sorts of shenanigans he gets into in his movies, I will never stop loving Johnny Knoxville. All grossness from Jackass aside, he’s a pretty handsome dude, right? Also, he’s from Knoxville, and what kind of girl would I be if I didn’t represent my home turf?
2. Hugh Laurie
Do I really need to explain myself here? At this point in time, we’ve all seen an episode of House, right? We’ve all heard his music? I think all that speaks for itself.
1. Zach Galifianakis
Are you surprised? Then you obviously don’t read this blog that regularly, because I’ve stated time and again that Zach is my one true love. He’s funny, talented, and actually pretty beautiful.
Which of these dudes do you think is the most attractive?
Something magic happens every time Robert Pattinson opens his mouth. Have you noticed that? And I don’t mean in his movies, because so far I haven’t seen him do any great acting, but when it’s just Rob, crankin’ out the hits, he’s unstoppable. For instance, here’s a recent interview where R-Patz opens up about sexy love:
On his romantic soul: “There is the idea of the saving love, I believe it,” Rob said. “I’m not mushy but I have a romantic soul. Having grown up with two older sisters I have a deep respect for women. Sex and feeling for me go hand in hand.”
On prudes: “I hate the lack of prudishness, I get bored when people are ostentatious of their body,” he said.
On relationships: “I’m not interested in casual relationships, I need to know people, I’m not making an existential statement here, simply, I want a family with two or three kids,” he said.
Got that, teenyboppers? Edward Cullen wants you to be a prude. He wants you to save yourself until you fall in love (real love, not creepy stalky love). Think about it – he was over 100 years old when he lost his virginity, you can wait till you meet a nice boy who doesn’t just want a quick bang in the handicap stall during third period.
Reese has a ranch in Ojai, California, and that’s where the wedding took place. There were 120 guests, including the likes of Renee Zellweger, Tobey Maguire (aww, remember Pleasantville?), Robert Downey Jr., and Sean Penn with Scarlett Johansson. The groom and Reese’s children walked down the aisle to “The Tennessee Waltz,” which I think is charming, and Reese went with the traditional “Here Comes the Bride.” She wore a custom Monique Lhuillier dress, and that’s about all the information there is right now.
I just love Reese Witherspoon, can you tell? Here’s hoping that she has millions of adorable babies with her new husband and they live the rest of their years together out on the ranch, slopping pigs and wrangling cattle to their hearts’ content. Unless Reese wants to make another Legally Blonde sequel. Then she’s welcome back anytime.
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