These days, one of the first things I think about when I wake up is Charlie Sheen. Is that sad? Seriously, my routine involves making the bed, petting the puppy, turning on the computer, and Googling Charlie Sheen. It seems like good ol’ Alec Baldwin has been following a similar routine, because he took some time to write up a bit of decent advice to Charlie:
But you know what you should do? Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B’Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you. (Do you secretly want to get snuffed? So you can go back and make movies?)
Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it’s not too late. This is America. You want to really piss off Chuck and Warner Brothers and CBS? Beg for America’s forgiveness. They will give it to you. And then go back. You are a great television star. And you’ve got the gig. As I learned from closely observing Tony Bennett so I could impersonate him on SNL, this is supposed to be fun.
P.S…. buy Cryer a really nice car.
That sounds like some pretty solid advice, but some of that’s got to sting. How closely has Alec been following Charlie this past month or so? Like, has he heard the man talk at all? Charlie Sheen has centered his life around the idea of winning, and he clearly knows how to work a machete – I’d be a little more delicate with my words if I were Alec.
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Just for the record I would totally do Alec Baldwin.
Isn’t this the same fucktard who called his 11 yr old daughter a fat pig?