Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Somebody Really Needs to Take the Sharp Objects Off of Charlie Sheen

pictures of crazy charlie sheen with machete photos

This just isn’t healthy, you guys. Charlie Sheen, wielding a machete like he’s, I don’t know, back in fucking Platoon or something, but this time it’s not a movie, it’s real life, and Charlie’s slowly but surely losing his cracked and meth-clouded marbles one by one.

Here, Charlie’s pictured on the roof of Live Nation, waving a machete around with one of his ‘goddesses,’ pretending to drink a really foul-looking blood-like substance out of a bottle labeled ‘Tiger Blood’ while smoking cigarette after cigarette. Dude’s fingers are probably the color of burnt ochre by now – could you imagine what his lungs look like? Ugh.

His parting words?

‘Free at last, free at last.’

Boyfriend also sent a text message to People this morning (I KNOW, RIGHT?!) claiming that the beast was alive, and dangerous:

“Put yourself in my shoes for one warlock nanosecond. At some point there is nothing to say. Only war to wage … The winds are howling tonight. The gods are hungry. The beast is alive. And awake. And deadly.”

I don’t know about you all, but this is becoming quite the depressing-assed shitshow if you ask me, so here. To lighten the mood, I have an adorable, innocent child, speaking the recent quotes of Charlie Sheen. Enjoy!

This cheered me up marginally, but I still think I’m going to start pre-composing an obit for Charlie here, and just saving it in my little drafts folder for when that time comes, because it’s this year, guys. Mark my words, and the closing bit at the end? It’ll be ‘free at last, free at last.’

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Don’t get me wrong: I absolutely believe Charlie has, uh, addiction issues and being a jerk issues, but I kind of think he’s aware of what he’s doing at the same time. A true believer of “there’s no such thing as bad publicity.” He’s kind of like a male Anna Nicole Smith…a tragedy is slo-motion.