Today's Evil Beet Gossip

It’s Official: Charlie Sheen Has Been Fired

A photo of Charlie Sheen

I know, I thought this happened a while ago too, but apparently not.  See, what happened was Charlie was talking mad shit about Two and a Half Men, and they were like “all right, let’s take some time off and see what we can see.”  The show wasn’t cancelled, and Charlie wasn’t fired. Until now.

Here’s Warner Bros’ official statement:

“After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on Two and a Half Men effective immediately.”

If you’re interested, TMZ has the official 11-page letter detailing the reasons he’s being fired, but I think we’re all pretty clear on that. Instead, I would think you’d rather read Charlie’s reaction:

“This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of their bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.”

Despite this being “good news,” Charlie is still planning on suing for a breach of contract.  That’s all well and good, but did you guys pull what I did from Charlie’s statement? The binding ritual didn’t work.  What kind of warlock-craft are we dealing with here?

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