Can you guess who this absolutely adorable baby girl grew up to be?

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Oh, were you looking for sarcasm here?  My apologies, but if you couldn’t tell by the certificate in the picture above, this is entirely sincere.

The Weekender recently did a little interview with Michael to coincide with his award, and try as I may, I just can’t find any sarcasm there, either.  It’s a legit interview where Daddy Lohan gives his usual “I’ve always loved my beautiful, talented, beautiful daughter so very much,” except for a few bits about Dina that I enjoyed:

Before Michael was the patriarch of the infamous Lohan clan, he was just a boy from Long Island who grew up to trade commodities on the New York Stock Exchange. Between drugs, alcohol, fast cars and a constant flow of money coming in, Lohan played as hard as he worked. However, he was about to meet someone at a party that would make him an honest man. While at a black-tie event, he decided to steal a bottle of champagne. The bottle fell from underneath his arm as he was scurrying toward the exit. As Lohan reached for the bottle, his head hit someone trying to help him. It was a young, beautiful woman. That’s how he met Dina.

“I miss the girl I fell in love with,” reminisced Lohan of ex-wife Dina. “She’s not the same person anymore.” It all started when he caught Dina’s 48-year-old brother smoking crack on the side of their garage. “Guess what your brother was doing,” Lohan asked his wife after finding her drinking a bottle of wine behind a plant in their bedroom the night of their son’s First Holy Communion party.

If you can’t appreciate the ridiculous notion of someone giving Michael Lohan a Father of the Year award, at least you can appreciate those little mental images – Dina the Wino curled up behind a plant with some booze, come on now.  And you married folks, I defy you to produce a story about how you met your spouse that even competes with Michael’s.

What do you guys think about this?  Do we just have a bad attitude about Michael over here, or are you just as appalled/amused about this little award as we are?

This is the way to prepare for the Superbowl.  Yup.  [TMZ]

Is Halle Berry the crazy one, actually? [The Superficial]

Is the reason Angelina is so keen to hide her twins because they have Down Syndrome? [Amy Grindhouse]

Jennifer Lopez: too ‘old’ to wear a miniskirt? [Celebitchy]

Justin Timberlake’s new girlfriend! [The Superficial]

Let’s see how wide Lea Michele’s mouth will open, huh? [TooFab]

OK so today’s a pretty slow news day, unless you want to talk about Lindsay Lohan’s jewel-heisting ways or how dead Charlie Sheen is going to be by this time next year, all I’ve got is Audrina ‘Your Mom is More Entertaining‘ Patridge and her big old boobs, which scored her a spokespersonship for Bongo.

All there is to it is boobs, boobs, boobs. And what better a thing to look at on a slow, cold-probably-regardless-of-where-you-are Thursday?

Oh, and Audrina herself – hot or not? And Bongo, I mean hell … I was good friends with Bongo back in 7th grade. Is Bongo, like, actually cool anymore?

What says Valentine’s Day, erections, starvation for two weeks, and then binging on chocolates, wine, and frou-frou baked goods better than Victoria’s Secret models strutting their stuff on the ‘sexiest’ holiday of the year?

Nothing. Really. There’s no hidden joke there – the answer’s simply ‘nothing.’

Stay tuned to EB for a special, sexy Valentine’s Day surprise to be unveiled this Saturday, February 5th, 2011!

“I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people. I want to say, ‘Thank-you’ to my fellow cast members, the crew of Two and a Half Men, and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros … for their concern and support. Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion, I just want to say, ‘Thank-you,’ and to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much.”

Sure beats the hell out of calling his fans ‘a bunch of turds,’ now, doesn’t it?

I just don’t know about all this. It sounds like a semi-clever ploy in order to distract us from what’s going to happen next: Charlie, in a state of induced coke-smoked stupor, tells us that he’s buying the rights to Britney Spears’ weave, is running for governor of Alaska next term, and has plans to open a new substance abuse rehab along with Michael Lohan and Corey Haim*.

Just because he’s throwing Errol Flynn’s name around doesn’t make him coherent, you guys.

What do you think – where’s Charlie going to be in a year’s time:

*To be fair, when we told Charlie that Corey Haim had, regretfully, passed away, he responded that he thought it was still 1989, ’cause that was the last time he was half-sober.