Sarah Shahi – arguably one of the hottest women on the planet, maybe in the galaxy. [The Superficial]

Can you BELIEVE that THIS is Johnny Depp’s girlfriend? [The Superficial]

Kanye West’s new girlfriend is hotter than hot. [Celebslam]

Did Charlie Sheen make a sex tape this past weekend? [popbytes]

FUCK YES – The Muppets’ Five Best Musical Scenes! [Pajiba]

Tim McGraw and Faith Hill – did alcohol lead to their marital issues? [Celebitchy]

More photos of Miley Cyrus’s new ink. [Allie is Wired]

Natalie Portman goes topless for Dior. [Amy Grindhouse]

Now Charlie Sheen thinks you should mind your own business instead. [Betty Confidential]

Check out the new Jessica 6 single exclusively! [OMGBlog]

A plastic surgery evolution of, yes, you guessed it: Carrot Top. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

Pre-production of Breaking Dawn has begun in Vancouver. [Celebrity Dirty Laundry]

Charlie Sheen cutting a rug along with his cocaine! VIDEO FOOTAGE! [TMZ]

With performers like Rihanna, Young Jeezy, Kid Rock, Jamey Johnson, an – WILDCARD! – Duran Duran, it was hard to concentrate on the fact that the Super Bowl is this weekend, if you know, you could overlook the whole Steelers-Packers theme they had going on there, and the constant football innuendos.

Rihanna looked hot, as always - I would suck the back sweat off of Kid Rock in a heartbeat, motherfuckers - Jason Derulo glistens like hell – and Duran Duran still totally have it.

So.

Are you going to watch the Super Bowl?

Who do you want to WIN the Super Bowl?

OK, now, REALLY – who do you think is GOING to win?

And thank God for small favors, right?

I, someone who is NOT a fan of Dancing With the Stars, and even moreso NOT a fan of DANCING WITH THE STARS, am happy to say that Cheryl Burke, a dancer ON Dancing With the Stars is as hot as I’d briefly assessed her to be that one, lonely night that I had no other choice to watch Dancing With the Stars in a cold country home in the boonies of Pennsylvania with my mother-in-law. Who, incidentally, loves the show.

Burke was photographed frolicking in the waves of Punta Cana, Dominican Republic this past weekend (my single-most favorite beach vacation destination EVER – Excellence Punta Cana WHAT WHAT and GO, GO NOW) looking positively radiant. And if she wore this kind of garb instead of those glittery, lamé bodysuits with tulle and Swarovski crystals, I might tune in. Turn the volume down, make a moving, rectangular cutout that hovers directly over Cheryl so that the other idiotic contestants are shut out completely, and watch.

For, you know, at least a minute, anyway.

“There’s a brand of red-velvet cake; her mouth is made of that. She smashes you in the mouth [in] those kissing scenes. If I was Ben Affleck, man, I’d be pissed off. … I was in bed with her and she was reading me one of those bedtime stories. And she did a dirty version of it. She was like, ‘Toad took Frog and mounted him from behind and amounted him smoothly with a rhythmic pace’.”

Russell Brand, of all people, dishing on what it was like to make out and share a bed with Arthur co-star, Jennifer Garner. Now I don’t know much about kissing ladies, but if someone compared my mouth to red velvet cake, I’d probably consider that a HUGE compliment. Except, you know, if it were Russell Brand. Because reformed sex-addict, Brand, probably compares the hose opening of an industrial-strength vacuum cleaner to red velvet cake – and I heard he and it were intimate friends for a long, long time.

Anyway, moral of the story?

From one asshat to another, Ben Affleck, take some pointers.

Christina Aguilera and her soon-to-be-ex-hubby Jordan Bratman are still living together as they’re trying to sort out the details of their divorce and co-raise their son Max. Jordan says he wont leave their pad until he finds a comfortable place to live. If that situation wasn’t sticky enough, Christina’s new man, Matthew Rutler, has moved in with the two of them.

A source close to Christina describes the situation as “awkward.”

With mom and dad and mom’s boyfriend all living under one roof, could this arrangement possibly be healthy for little Max? Maybe. Many studies show that most kids don’t really give a shit about the environment they grew up in so long as there are caring adults around. Then again, it seems like it would be confusing to see your once monogamous parents welcome a strange man into their home who currently happens to be porking mom. That’s a lot for one little kid to take in.

Here’s hoping Jordy does the right thing and finds his own place before Max is old enough to understand the full extent of what’s going on.

Miley Cyrus already has “just breathe” tattooed under her boob, a heart etched on her pinky finger, the word “love” inked on the inside of her ear (so deep!), and it seems like that’s just the beginning of what’s going to be a serious ink collection.

Yesterday the pop star was photographed out and about in a loose fitting top that showed off some brand new design on her ribcage. It’s hard to say what the tattoo is of, but based on her other designs, I’m assuming it’s a cross or a portrait of her father or some other totally cliched and embarrassing design that only an 18 year old moron would get.

If Miley’s going to mark up her bod the way her brother did, I’m glad she’s keeping most of her tats out of the public eye. Little girls don’t need to see their idol covered in tacky designs. I do fear that if she keeps this up, she’s eventually going to look like she’s wearing a swimsuit made of tattoos when she’s naked, though.

What do you think about Miley’s body art? Is it trashy or none of our business?