image via ONTD

This week we’ve seen Miley Cyrus with a new tattoo on her ribcage and smoking cigarettes, and it wasn’t all that long ago she worked the pole at the Teen Choice Awards and ripped a bong with her homies. Now the pop star has been seen out with her So Undercover co-star, Josh Bowman. You know, that dude who dated Amy Winehouse back in 2009. Miley’s fuckin’ with the same dick that Amy Winehouse fucked with. That’s just about the nastiest thing I’ve heard in a minute, and that’s saying something.

What’s going on with little Milers? I know, she’s an 18-year old kid doing her thing, but tattoos, cigs, scandalous behavior and gross men? Way to cash in all your skank chips at once, girl.

Tell me what you think about Miley’s behavior by voting in the poll and hitting up the comments section…

Did you guys have a super time with the Super Bowl last night? Did you get wasted and scream at the television with all your nearest and dearest?  Did you cry tears of disappointment or happiness when the whole thing was over?  That’s cool.  I didn’t do any of those things.  The closest I came to the Super Bowl was a phone call from my father, who wanted to know who the Black Eyed Peas were and if he should watch them during the half-time show.  As far as I’m concerned, even that’s a little too involved.

But I know some of you are into that sort of thing, and I wouldn’t want to shut you down based on my own biases, so I’m going to bring you a spattering of Celebrity Tweets all about the special occasion and we can talk about which ones we feel closest too, all right?

First we have the wonderful Rob Thomas describing the reason why I watched the Super Bowl that one time I watched the Super Bowl.  Pretty solid reasoning, Thomas family, but I’m not so sure I totally agree …

Joan Rivers though, I’m totally with her.  I mean, I’m more likely to watch a Queer as Folk marathon as opposed to saunter on down to a Scientology center, but the sentiment’s the same.

Or maybe you’re more like the enthusiastic Serena Williams, with her glee over the Packers win (don’t judge me you guys, but I saw all sorts of people on Twitter and Facebook talking this excitedly about cheese, and I had to Google it to piece that puzzle together).

Note: I tried to find a celebrity that was bummed about the Steelers losing for contrast, but I couldn’t find any, so you can cry about that in the comments if you need to do so.

Of course Lindsay’s facing felony charges. [The Superficial]

Gabriel Aubry has some serious race issues. [The Superficial]

This is apparently what Katy Perry would look like topless. [Amy Grindhouse]

Porn star Shauna Sand does a music video. Rather, SINGS in one. [TMZ]

Christina Aguilera forgets the words to the Star Spangled Banner. [Celebitchy]

Are you ready for the return of Simon Cowell? [TooFab]

Let it be said that I think Gisele Bundchen is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. I don’t know – I just think she’s classically gorgeous, and she apparently takes good care of herself. With that prelude, let me launch into what I think about her ideas: I think they’re fucking stupid. And hey, I also think they suck.

If you remember Gisele’s long-winded diatribe about the legal aspect of breastfeeding, you probably won’t be surprised to know that girlfriend here is all-organic and flaxed-out and avoids all sorts of free-radicals for her health and her beauty. I guess it’s kind of what she lives by.

Anyway, Gisele decided to talk about sunscreen the other day, and how it’s ‘poison‘ to anyone who uses it. (Because, you know, it’s so totally hot and healthy to emanate a radioactive tan coupled with bagging, sagging suitcase-grade skin.) Bundchen, in an interview, says:

‘I cannot put this poison [sunscreen] on my skin. I do not use anything synthetic.’

First of all, people that say fucking EVERYTHING is poison? Really bother me. ‘Don’t use antibiotics … they’re POISON.’ ‘Don’t drink water from your tap … it’s POISON.’ ‘Don’t use unbleached flour … DUH, it’s POISON!’

You want to know what’s fucking poison? Sucking back a can of industrial-strength RAID. That, guys? Is hardcore. THAT is poison.

Experts, though, on the subject had this to say in response to Gisele’s comments:

“Sunscreen prevents damage to the skin and is of fundamental importance for the prevention of cancer.  This is not any poison, when a public person makes a statement like this, it creates confusion.”

Gisele, though I think she’s brutally beautiful, loses a lot of credibility in my eyes when she opens her mouth a lot of times. Because for someone who only goes out in the sun before the sun’s rays are searing (read: she claims she doesn’t hit the world after 8 AM and that’s her ‘sunscreen’), girlfriend’s got an awfully genuine-looking tan ALL OF THE TIME.

Before you take a ride on the Sarah-train, though, and get all judgmental, Gisele took it to her blog, backtracked and revised her comments (oh look just like last time):

“I would like to clarify the misunderstanding about the use of sunblock. I do use sunblock but also I try my best not to be exposed to the sun when it is too strong. My line of skincare products are all natural and do not contain SPF. I feel we all need to pay more attention to what we are putting on our skin. I definitely know the importance of using sunscreen and I try to look for more natural options. This is a place where they have a list of some more natural option sunscreens, check it out … “

… So, does this redeem her? Again?

What do you imagine a perfume by Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom would smell like?

OK, never mind … Don’t answer that.

Either way, the perfume? It exists. And it’s called ‘Unbreakable.’ Each time I hear the word ‘unbreakable,’ I think of the Bruce Willis-Samuel L. Jackson movie where Willis was all crazy strong and unbreakable, and Jackson was the wheelchair-bound comic book-lover foe that was, well, pretty breakable.

The promo photo, however, is not nearly as cool as Bruce Willis breaking into homes and saving people from a demise of torture – and frankly speaking, if it weren’t for Khloe’s ever-present amazing hair, the shoot would be an utter and complete fail.

And Lamar? Has a last name of ‘Odom.’ I’m not quite sure I want to smell like something designed by someone who has a name that close to ‘odor,’ but maybe that’s the fifth-grader in me. (She comes out to play quite a bit these days.)

Are you guys interested in this perfume, or should it stay on the shelves of CVS where it probably belongs (locked up behind glass, of course)?

If you’re the type of person who only watches the Super Bowl for its pricey, over-the-top commercials, then you probably caught this amazing commercial, featuring my dream man stumping for an equally-amazing beer to boot.

If you were a Steelers fan too busy chewing your nails ’cause of the BEAT DOWN that the Packers were handing out last night, then you might have missed this hot-assed gem of a commercial.

No joke, though, guys – as soon as I saw that very definitive silhouette slouched in the darkened entryway of the pub, I knew it was him. I KNEW. I spent the proceeding two minutes mouth agape, drooling, and in ecstasy, and before I knew it, it was over.

That, my friends?  Is precisely how I envision (a lot) of sex with Adrien.

Oh Adrien Brody. You are so hot and delectable and I would just eat you off a fucking spoon. Is there anything you can’t do?