You see that guy in the foreground up there?  The guy with the cool shades and the delightfully tousled hair?  That’s Michael Lohan Jr. You might not recognize him – that’s ok, he doesn’t come out much.  When he does go public though, it’s pretty clear that little Michael Jr. has a head on his shoulders, and that he’s going to be the one Lohan to make it.  You know, without numerous counts of criminal charges.

Little Michael Jr. (who’s actually a decently attractive 23-year old and not so little) is changing his name – just the last one – and here’s the story from TMZ:

We joked about it on TMZ TV this week — that the name “Michael Lohan Jr.” was holding him back in life. Now … sources close to Junior tell us he had been thinking about changing his name for awhile, but our TV segment was the straw that broke the absentee camel’s back.

Sources close to the Lohan clan tell us The Artist Soon To Be Formally Known Michael Lohan Jr. will be changing his name to … Michael Cameron. We’re told Michael plans on using the name starting with the upcoming movie he’s starring in, produced by his mom Dina.

I think Michael Cameron sounds nice, right?  It doesn’t conjure up any pictures of some tragic man, wandering around like a lost soul and kicking his girlfriends in the face.  I’m still a little concerned that he’s working with Dina, but I think this kid is headed in the right direction.

David Beckham has a new tattoo on his chest, and just like any other bro would do, he posted pictures of his ink on Facebook. You can check out the pictures in the gallery, but for now, let me just tell you that it’s a tattoo of Jesus being carried by a few cherubs through some rough times.

Here’s what David had to say about the tattoo:

“It’s Jesus being carried by three cherubs and obviously the cherubs are my boys and so my thought of it is that at some point my boys are going to need to look after me and that’s what they’re doing in the picture. It means a lot.”

First of all, shame on David for comparing himself to Jesus. Jesus would never do racy Armani ads, he wouldn’t release some shitty perfume, and when dudes accuse him of being involved with prostitutes, he certainly doesn’t respond by yelling “Say it to my face!” Second of all, does anyone else get weirded out when people get tattoos of Jesus?  This one time I saw a lady with a tramp stamp of Jesus, and it was even crucifixion Jesus with the crown of thorns and the look of agony and everything, and it’s just like “someone has to have sex with that.”  That’s the first thing my mind goes to with this kind of thing.  Posh Spice is going to have to check out this picture of Jesus while she bangs her husband.  Though I guess she has to deal with a personality that seriously compares himself to Jesus, so maybe it’s not such a big deal.

Photos courtesy of Daily Mail

Seriously, all this ridiculousness better be because everybody’s going to go all out at the Oscars.  I’m about over the mediocrity and the trashiness of this year’s award season.

By the way, in case you care about the actual awards, Natalie Portman won Best Actress again, and James Franco won Best Actor for 127 Hours, which I hope is a good sign for the Oscars. I just love that stoner so much.  You can check out the rest of the winners here, but let’s go ahead and jump into the gallery.

This gallery includes photos of Natalie Portman continuing on her janked maternity tour, Nicole Kidman with whatever’s left of her face, a bunch of attractive dudes, Melissa Leo, who can’t do anything wrong (I didn’t see The Fighter, but I can talk about her work on the 90′s crime drama Homicide: Life on the Street for days), and a bonus picture of Rosario Dawson grabbing Paul Rudd’s junk.  How’s that for a start to your Sunday morning?

Remember Kayte Walsh, the lady that Kelsey Grammer probably cheated on his wife with, knocked up with a Frasier baby, and then she miscarried?  Yeah, they got married last night.  Isn’t that sweet?

Here are the wedding details, if you’re into that sort of thing:

Grammer, 55, and Walsh, 29, exchanged vows during an afternoon ceremony at the Longacre Theater in New York City, where the five-time Emmy Award-winner recently starred in the Tony-winning revival of the musical La Cage aux Folles.

Following the ceremony, the newlyweds and their guests headed to the reception at the Plaza Hotel, where celebrity event designer Ed Libby transformed the Grand Ballroom into a mix of Hollywood glamour and uptown sophistication, with hundreds of candles, lavish floral arrangements of blush pink and white roses and tulips and a long, regal table where the newlyweds were seated.

The four-course dinner menu accommodated the vegetarian bride and also included king oyster mushroom carpaccio, wild mushroom risotto, grilled filet mignon with blue potato gratin and bittersweet chocolate tart.

The celebration is scheduled to go late into the night at the Plaza, where Libby planned to transform the ballroom into a stylish club with gold lounge furniture, cocktail tables, a dance floor – and a buffet to include braised beef short ribs, poached shrimp and a wedding cake by Sylvia Weinstock.

Ugh, doesn’t that all sound divine?  I could definitely use a fancy wedding of a couple that will last five years, tops, right about now. There’s nothing like pretending a love will last while wearing a nice dress and nibbling on a nice tart, am I right?

Dear Ke$ha,

We’ve had our fair share of problems in the past.  I think we can both admit that.  But I thought we were getting past that, that we were heading towards a more mature, close stage in our friendship.  And then you go and do something like this.

Ke$ha, you know that I have a socially awkward 12-year-old girl’s mentality when it comes to unicorns.  I’ve shown you all my figurines and stuffed animals and jewelry and tattoo sketches.  And you also know how wonderful rainbows make me feel and how much I adore glitter.  And I don’t think I even have to state my feelings on James Van Der Beek – I sing the Dawson’s Creek theme song at least three times a day, I think that’s pretty self-explanatory.  So tell me, Ke$ha, in what universe is it acceptable for you to make this video?

YOU SHOOT UNICORNS, KE$HA.  You shoot unicorns and they collapse in bursts of glitters, with rainbows shooting out of their wounds.  I saw the disclaimer at the beginning of the video, but in the immortal words of Tupac, my mama didn’t raise no fool.  If you think that my reaction to this debacle would be anything other than to curse your name and cut all ties, then you are sorely mistaken. I hope you can find solace in your whiskey and in James Van Der Beek, because you surely won’t be finding any in me.

With no respect and thinly veiled disgust,

Emily

The ICG Publicist Awards were last night, and I don’t know what that’s all about, but it’s an award show, and Matt Damon wore his pajamas.  He showed up to this legit award show (I included a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his suit for comparison) in a flannel robe and pants, slippers, disheveled hair, and the greatest “I just don’t give a fuck” look I’ve ever seen.  Seriously, Matt Damon walked the carpet, took some pictures, and presented an award in his fucking pajamas, and I just think that’s the greatest thing.

Let’s dedicate the next week to living like Matt Damon, ok? Can we make that pledge?  I’ll start by wearing the pajamas I’m in right now through the end of the month and writing an Academy Award-winning screenplay, you guys can follow your own hearts.