In what was most likely a response to the civil unrest in Egypt (kidding, of course), Kim Kardashian posed for a Cleopatra-themed photo shoot for Harper’s Bazar. It seems like outside of her TV shows and endless product endorsements, all Kim Kardashian is doing these days is posing for celebrity spreads. Not a bad gig if you have no discernible talent, huh?

Between the charm of Tila, the beautiful, bitter sass of Jennifer and the mere presence of my one true love, Zach Galifianakis, I really couldn’t ask for anything more in an interview.  I mean, in a perfect world, this clip would also feature Katy Perry stumbling around in the background, talking ad nauseam about her breasts, but I find it’s always better to shoot for obtainable dreams, don’t you?

Oh, and just in case that wasn’t enough hilarious for you (and I don’t have to do this, mind you, this is just something I’m doing for you out of the kindness of my heart and out of the depths of my love for you), have you guys seen the Drunk History series on Funny or Die?  It contains such wonders as John C. Reilly and Crispin Glover reenacting the story of Tesla and Edison as told by a dude who drank a six pack and half a bottle of absinthe.

If you don’t laugh at either of those things, then I suggest you stop taking cues from Kristen Stewart and learn to let go a little.  That, or leave us a comment with something that actually does crack you up so we know that your heart is still beating.

Olivia Wilde looking for love in all the sexual places. [The Superficial]

Charlie Sheen tells his porn star girlfriends to lose his number. [The Superficial]

Jennifer Aniston says she’s having kids! [Celebitchy]

Sofia Vergara without makeup – love it or hate it? [TooFab]

And speaking of Taylor Momsen, THIS is what she wore to Justin Bieber’s movie premiere last night. [TMZ]

Alanis Morissette’s baby boy is THE CUTEST THING EVER. [Amy Grindhouse]

Get a good look, guys. The faces in these photos are the new faces of Hollywood. Or at least, will be, if there isn’t some kind of huge, staged intervention that involves a lot of napalm, vodka, and sanitary pads.

In the gallery you’ll find photos of Justin Bieber (as that whole Never Say Never thing, it’s his movie), Miley Cyrus, Noah Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Chris Brown, and the Smith kids, among a bunch of others, and gone will be the days of shock-rockers like Courtney Love (oh wait, I forgot about Taylor Momsen) and the genuinely talented actors like Robert DeNiro and Johnny Depp.

Welcome to the new generation of celebrities. Let’s start taking bets as to who the next Robert Downey Jr., Paris Hilton, and Jennifer Aniston will be.

Oh, and are you actually going to see this movie?

Am the only one who is seriously creeped out by this couple? I mean, couldn’t you just see them pulling a Randy and Evi Quaid in, you know, a few decades?

If it’s any consolation, I have absolutely no doubts as to the validity and authenticity of Khloe and Lamar’s marriage. They’re a match made in cheeseball heaven and they will probably never split up.

The gods of cheap, unisex perfume just wouldn’t allow it, and for that, thank your lucky stars, guys.

I feel like every couple of weeks I write that headline, and it’s always for something different – DUIs, probation violations, kidnapping, probation violations, drug use and paraphernalia, assault, and now felony grand theft. And what’s girlfriend doing as she bides her time, waiting to find out whether or not she’s heading back to jail?

Doing it up at the spa, the day before she’s slated to appear at yet another hearing.

This bad-ass bitch has one hell of a repertoire, guys.

Lindsay, who’s been accused of stealing a $2500 necklace from a Beverly Hills jeweler, has a hearing scheduled today at 1:30 PST where she’ll find out whether or not they’re charging her with a felony – which could result in what some are saying ‘years’ in state prison.

Interestingly enough, Lindsay’s got a spotty history when it comes to being sticky-fingered: she was accused of stealing a fur coat from a club in NYC a few years back, and this is the third piece of jewelry that was said to be taken unlawfully.

You have to wonder, though – just how common is it for celebrities to be given free shit and allowed to ‘borrow’ and parade around with diamonds and platinum and gold out the ass? Um, a lot. Haven’t you ever seen Pretty Woman? People with money DON’T HAVE TO PAY FOR THINGS. So I’m wondering, is this kind of behavior par for the course in celebrities – do some of them just not return things – and is Lindsay being singled out because of her previous, fucked up, drugged-out behavior? Are more people trying to make an example out of Lindsay, or has she finally just fucked herself for good?