Oh be still my beating heart. Miley Cyrus, strutting whatever it is that she calls ‘stuff’ for the March ’11 issue of Marie Claire. But really, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hater – I can see how this chick’s got a lot of fans. She’s been a staple on the tween scene for, what, like forty years now?

However, I can also guarantee that a lot of her little kid fans will want nothing to do with her in a few years when they grow up and when she’s still trying to be a fledgling A-list actress, ’cause it’s not always cool to admit that you were a hardcore fan of ANYTHING tween … I mean, even though I’d still totally procreate with any one of the Hanson brothers, it doesn’t make me cool for crying over their pictures and wearing their t-shirts to SOCIAL EVENTS and going to every concert in a three-hour radius in middle school, now does it?

So this? Is what Taylor Momsen wore to the premiere of Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never movie that was held the other night.

I don’t exactly know what type of fashion statement girlfriend was trying to make, ’cause I was too busy staring at her pale, flaccid Marilyn Manson-like ass, but hey. I guess everyone’s got to get their attention somehow or another, right? It’s just a shame that a girl with such potential (you guys remember that fucking stellar performance as Cindy Lou Who in the big-screen rendition of How the Grinch Stole Christmas – bah, breathtaking) would result to wearing something that so closely resembles assless chaps to a premiere with peers of her own age group.

Hard to believe, I know.

Yesterday, as you all know, Lindsay Lohan was arraigned in court on a felony charge of grand theft, and predictably, she was released on bail of 20k. Linds plead ‘not guilty,’ but despite her assertions that she was totally innocent, the judge still warned her not to ‘push her luck.’

Lindsay, who was charged with the felony, still claims that she didn’t steal the $2500 necklace from the Venice jeweler, but that the store ‘lent’ it to her. The store, however, is sticking fast to their original police report that Lindsay intentionally walked off with it and now want a no-contact order against Lindsay, as she’s apparently been sending them flowers as a peace offering LOL – shitty, wilted flowers in exchange for silence over an allegedly-stolen $2500 necklace – that’s the height of class right there, you guys.

All I know is that telling Lindsay Lohan not to push her luck is like jamming coke up her right nostril and telling her not to inhale.  But hey – one can hope, right?

Today’s portion of the experiment involves thinking outside of the box (ha … HA) and focusing on having fun together, outside of just sex. Reports in the study show that boredom outside the relationship can directly affect just how ‘boring’ it can get inside the bedroom, and today’s agenda prompted us to get busy outside the house, doing things that we’ve never done before.

After thinking long and hard about something we’ve never done – together or otherwise –  we chose one of the most random, and ultimately, stupidest things ever.

See, we live by the beach. Literally – we’re like, a half-mile away. But before you go getting all excited and wondering what fabulous beachside locale I live at, I’ll tell you – it’s a COLD BEACH this time of year. We’re talking polar bear-cold. We’re talking ‘don’t even go near the shoreline ’cause it’s so fricking frigid’ cold.  It’s not pleasant, to say the least.

Last month, the town decided to jump on the New Year bandwagon by hosting a polar bear swim. When I read about it in the paper, I laughed and thought, ‘Crazy asses. You couldn’t pay me to do that crap.’ Even though I LIVE almost on top of the ocean, the water’s got to be at least eighty degrees for me to get in (I know, pathetic, right?). But despite the fact that I was adamant that this polar bear thing was whack, my husband, the thrill-seeker, was intrigued, saying that he’d never done anything like that before either.

Fast-forward to today.

And you know where I’m going with this.

Yes – we did. We took the dip, fully clothed, in the ocean near our home today. We got our vehicle all nice and toasty, spread blankets and towels over the seats, and left it running while we did the ultimate in stupidity and immersed ourselves

Guys? You don’t KNOW the meaning of the word ‘cold’ until you willingly walk into the ocean on a thirty-five-degree day, when the water’s temperature is a whopping thirty-nine, according to NOAA.

I can’t say that it did much for bonding, but it definitely woke us the hell up. I appreciate the whole ‘doing something new’ together, but next time? I’ll leave the polar bear plunge to the experts.  Even saying ‘I thought I was going to die’ is putting it mildly.  All I could think of was the epic line in Titanic when Jack is beseeching Rose not to jump off the back of the ship (crazy ass ho):

” … Water that cold, like right down there … it hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can’t breathe. You can’t think. At least, not about anything but the pain.”

Right.  Insanity.

Bonus, though, do you know how hot car sex is on a freezing, overcast day when you’re half-frozen, wet, and trying to suck up as much body warmth as you possibly can?

Heh.

Check out K-Y’s Facebook page, Couples Place, to hear more about the experiment, and as always, don’t forget to enter in the comments for your chance to win a kit of your own from K-Y, just in time for V-Day!

I wrote this posting while participating in a blog campaign on behalf of K-Y^® Brand and also received product samples to help facilitate my review. In addition, K-Y^® Brand sent me a gift card to thank me for taking the time to participate.

Most of the plastic surgery galleries we do focus on the stars that have completely destroyed their face after a series of ill-advised surgeries, but today we focus on the newly single Ashlee Simpson-Wentz.

When we first met Ashlee, she was the plucky younger sister of Jessica Simpson, one of the most naturally pretty and curvaceous ladies out there. But after Ashlee broke free of her sister’s shadow and had a moment in the spotlight for herself, she decided to get a nose job and then later, a chin job. Although she’s never really spoken publicly about either of these surgeries, there’s no denying that she’s had them.

Check out Ashlee’s transformation over the past 10 years in our gallery below and make sure to let us know which version of Ashlee is your favorite in the comments.

For the record, our own Sarah so called this back and December, so you totally owe her fifty bones.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz filed for divorce from her husband of two years, Pete Wentz, in Los Angeles yesterday. The former actress and one pop star cited “irreconcilable differences” and said through her spokesperson that she and Pete remain close and dedicated to raising their son Bronx together.

Ashlee’s also hoping to drop the “Wentz” from her last name ASAP and more surprisingly, is also seeking spousal support. Those “Autobiography” and 7th Heaven royalties must not be enough to live off of.

Are you guys surprised by this news? I have to say that even though the two seemed to be out of sync for some time now that I thought there was a chance they’d pull through. I always kinda hope that for people who get all swept up in each other, get knocked up and then get hitched. That’s probably why I was too depressed to talk to anyone for like, two hours after I saw Blue Valentine, though, huh?

Damn you, reality! *shakes fist*