A froggy-voiced Charlie Sheen called into “The Dan Patrick Show” this morning to clear up some rumors, mainly the one that his inability to work has caused Two and a Half Men to halt production. Charlie said that contrary to popular belief, he’s not the problem. It’s the lazy crew’s fault, naturally.

Charlie explained that when CBS executives told him to clean up and get back to work, he did, but when he arrived at the studio to start filming, no one was there. Literally not one person. He said he banged on the door of the studio, but there was no response.

I’m going to go ahead and guess that Charlie showed up on the lot at 4 AM after an all-night rager and didn’t bother to notify anyone of his supposed ability to work. I highly doubt that TV production is as casual as the lead actor turning up on set when he wants to film.

God, I’m going to miss this guy when his heart finally explodes.

By now you’ve all heard Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” (click through to listen) and you’ve also probably heard that tons of people are up in arms over the fact that it appears to sound awful lot like Madonna’s classic hit “Express Yourself” (click through to listen.)

The songs have similar messages, similar beats and a similar overall sound, but can’t that be said of almost all pop music? I remember my mom telling me when I was growing up that nearly everything I listened to sounded repetitive, so maybe that’s just how our ears start to work when we get older.

I’ve listened to both songs back-to-back and while there’s no doubt that certain parts sound almost exactly the same to me, I’m not sure I look at this as stealing. More like borrowing with a dash of reinterpretation. And that’s allowed, right?

Let me know what you think about this in the comments and by voting in the poll.

Jessica Simpson’s been catching a lot of heat for being a little bit on the plump side for awhile now, but in these new photos from New York’s spring fashion issue, she’s looking more like she did in her Newlyweds days. And I’m a huge fan of that big, messy ‘do, by the way.

Do you guys think Jessica’s slim figure is a result of Photoshop magic or the real deal? With her second wedding coming up, Jess could be working overtime on shedding all that dead weight (and no, I’m not talking about her father.)

Happy Valentine’s Day, you guys!  Are you into this sort of thing?  I’m not sure, because I’ve carried over feelings for this holiday from elementary school (i.e., I’m baking cupcakes and crafting and passing notes with this boy I like), but according to Facebook, a lot of people use this day to eat their feelings or to indulge in some latent alcoholism.

Luckily for us, celebrities are just as versatile as all our chatty Facebook friends, so let’s go ahead and check out some Tweets and then discuss our feelings, all right?

First we have the beautiful Fran Drescher, emphasizing the importance of love.  Say what you will about Fran, but when it’s 4:00 AM and you’re drowning in Boone’s Farm and self-loathing, reruns of The Nanny are a great life preserver.

Next we have Amber Rose with some “real talk.”  This is as real as it gets, people – it doesn’t matter if you’re making sweet monogamous love with your life partner or banging some dude you met in a bar so you’ll feel less lonely – safety first.  And I’d trust Amber if I were you. She dated Kanye.  She knows.

And finally we have Aisha Tyler with even more real talk.  If you’re in a relationship and this is how your Valentine’s Day works, then I’d schedule some time for reflecting if I were you.

Don’t give a shit about the Grammys? Check out the BAFTAs – Emma Watson was there and she was HOT. [Lainey Gossip]

Miley Cyrus shows off her of-age boobs in a wicked tight, wicked revealing dress. Surprise! [The Superficial]

Remember that whole ‘Lea-Michele-wants-to-be-Barbara-Streisand’ thing? Well Babs says ‘fuck you’ on that shit. [Cele|Bitchy]

Charlie Sheen is PROBABLY going to lose his job after this one. [TMZ]

Kate Hudson’s baby bump! [TooFab]

Mila Kunis for W magazine: ‘Never thought I was pretty’ [Amy Grindhouse]

Justin Bieber has met his match, guys. It’s OVA! [ICYDK]

The top ten most important things about this year’s Grammy awards -

10. Jennifer Lopez is one of the hottest women of all time, hands down.

9. Nicole Kidman really did up the Botox for THIS event.

8. I want Natasha Bedingfield’s dress. And I’ll wear it, like, everywhere.

7. Gretchen Wilson’s all like ‘What bitch? I’m here for the party.’

6. Ciara’s outfit is definitely the worst of the lot. Or any lot, really.

5. Adam Lambert, know that I love you, but the thick-ass pancake makeup that doesn’t quite cover up the unfortunate skin you have has GOT to go.

4. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who wants to punch Lil Wayne in the face every time I see him. But then again, I’m OK with that, too, ’cause it just means that I won’t have to wait in a very long line to do it.

3. There’s a photo of The Situation buried down there in the gallery, and it might be one of the first photos at a public event where he’s not pulling his shirt up and exposing his abs. Color me knocked the fuck out.

2. Even though he flatirons his hair? Keith Urban is one good-looking dude.

1. My mother phoning me an hour into the show, asking me ‘Who’s that Justin Biber (not a misspell – she rhymed it with ‘fiber’) boy? I want to slap his mother.’

You wicked crafty readers probably had impressions of your own, so by all means – share them in the comments.