“I’m done with collabs. No more collabs for the next two years. Although – Britney’s a snatch like me and she’s cute. Yes. We might do something.”

- Nicki Minaj, telling HipHollywood that the only person she’ll consider a collaboration with at this point is Britney Spears.

While I think it would be a huge mistake for Nicki to abandon her bit (after all, almost any one of her verses on someone else’s track was far better than any verse on Pink Friday and I say that as a huge fan), if she’s going to work with anyone, I’d love to see it be Britney. Or Missy Elliott or Christina Aguilera. But sure. Britney’s fine.

Do you think it’s a mistake for Nicki to back away from working with other artists?

Ok, before we get started I just want to make sure you guys know that this story is from Star, so let’s not pretend it’s the gospel truth. Let’s go into this knowing that there is a chance it could be nonsense, but with open minds and open hearts, all right?

It’s Miley Cyrus.  John Mayer is banging Miley Cyrus.  Allegedly.

Here’s Jezebel’s summary of the story from Star magazine:

Miley Cyrus and John Mayer are “Made For Each Other.” Um. What. Apparently they were getting all touchy-feely over Grammys weekend, and she was following him around all night at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party. Backstage at the Grammys, Miley was rubbing John’s back, and when he thought no one was looking, he leaned over and kissed her. “It was quick and intense and a bit shocking, but it also seemed sweet,” an eyewitness claims. ”Afterward, Miley slapped his butt and told him, ‘You rock!’” Running to get a barf bag, brb. Miley has told friends that she believes she can make John a one-woman man, and thinks they are great together because she’s as wild as he is.

Is this not the most plausible tabloid story you’ve ever seen?  I mean, it’s not like John is a stranger to the young, impressionable type, and it’s not like Miley hasn’t hooked up with worse dudes.  I actually think that Miley and John could make a pretty decent couple:  John could buy her the booze she inevitably craves but can’t legally purchase, and Miley could be John’s new ass hat.  It’s a perfect fit for everybody.

Here lies the only person in the world who doesn’t want to benefit from Oprah Publicity. [The Superficial]

Paris Hilton’s banana-like birthday present. [Celebslam]

Loving you is the right kind of wrong, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. [Pajiba]

Amanda Seyfried is all freaked out over her boyfriend hitting on Rihanna. [Allie is Wired]

All of the information you ever wanted on celebrity penis, right here, guys. [Betty Confidential]

Gabriel Aubry really thinks that Halle’s going to just walk away from her child. [TMZ]

So … which of the Kardashians IS engaged? [Celebrity VIP Lounge]

Victoria Beckham apparently mistook accidental bloat for pregnancy. [ICYDK]

No, they’re not, but wouldn’t that be something else for sure? Brian Austin Green was way hot back in the day, and even though he’s still pretty solid for a dude that hasn’t been in a serious movie or series in, what, a decade, Megan Fox would be so hot with Jon Hamm. I could see Megan pulling off a role in Mad Men (if, you know, she could act her way out of a sandwich bag) since she’s got that way-hot old-Hollywood look to her.  So … pairing her with Jon Hamm for a movie (which is, incidentally, what’s going on in these pictures)? Is probably a good idea.

I won’t actually SEE the movie, because it’s called Friends With Kids, and it’s supposed to be a comedy, but I certainly will gaze, point, and say ‘Oh look at the pretty people playing in the snow together.’

Are there any of you out there who are, like, rejoicing at this moment? Saying, ‘Oh, man, Jessica Alba is MY FAVORITE ACTRESS EVER, and I’m SO GLAD that she and her AMAZING husband are having ANOTHER equally-amazing child!’ I mean, yeah, it’s nice that Jess A. and her husband who’s yet to be revealed as a cheater (I suppose it’s only a matter of time – he does have a loose affiliation with basketball on a certain level) are going to expand their family. That kind of news is always pretty nice, isn’t it? …

I mean, except when you’re bringing a life into the world with a total fruitbat like Gabriel Aubry, and then you’re apparently in a world of trouble. But even though Jessica Alba is sort of wicked boring, and Cash has got that basketball-curse strike against him just a little bit, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about psychosis and embarrassingly-public child custody battles down the road if these two ever DO split up.  I’ll admit, they seem like they’re in it for the long haul, and on the whole, baby news is super news.

Congratulations to the family on their expansion!

So here’s a teaser of Britney Spears’ newest video for single ‘Hold It Against Me.’ The whole teaser thing I can get behind, because I’m one of those crazy fucking fools that gives away all of my Christmas gifts to others in the weeks leading up to the holiday, because I can’t stand to wait. Chances are, if I ever buy a gift for you? You’re probably going to get it early and then NOT having anything to open on the big day.  Sorry in advance.

This is kind of like what Britney and her camp is doing. The leaked title, the leaked album art, the leaked single snippets here and there, the full monty, and now more leaks of the video, and it’s alright.

I know I’m supposed to be critiquing Brit and her new vid, but guys? I’m just still way too uncomfortable with this decade’s zombie-Britney and her brand of clod-hopping dance numbers.  But on a positive note, only 309 days or something ’til Christmas!

Resurrect Britney!