We’ve had our fair share of problems in the past. I think we can both admit that. But I thought we were getting past that, that we were heading towards a more mature, close stage in our friendship. And then you go and do something like this.
Ke$ha, you know that I have a socially awkward 12-year-old girl’s mentality when it comes to unicorns. I’ve shown you all my figurines and stuffed animals and jewelry and tattoo sketches. And you also know how wonderful rainbows make me feel and how much I adore glitter. And I don’t think I even have to state my feelings on James Van Der Beek – I sing the Dawson’s Creek theme song at least three times a day, I think that’s pretty self-explanatory. So tell me, Ke$ha, in what universe is it acceptable for you to make this video?
YOU SHOOT UNICORNS, KE$HA. You shoot unicorns and they collapse in bursts of glitters, with rainbows shooting out of their wounds. I saw the disclaimer at the beginning of the video, but in the immortal words of Tupac, my mama didn’t raise no fool. If you think that my reaction to this debacle would be anything other than to curse your name and cut all ties, then you are sorely mistaken. I hope you can find solace in your whiskey and in James Van Der Beek, because you surely won’t be finding any in me.
With no respect and thinly veiled disgust,