Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Julianne Moore’s Kids Probably Would Have Been Alright Even if She Didn’t Marry Their Daddy

photo of julianne moore's husband bart freundlich at golden globes pictures

“The only reason I got married in 2003 was for my children. I had a therapist who said marriage is really a container for a family and that made sense to me. Bart and I have been together for years. We have Caleb, 13, and our daughter Liv, who is eight.”

Julianne Moore, on the persuasion it took from her therapist to marry her children’s father for her children’s sake, which really brings up an interesting point – the very idea that some people are willing to sacrifice their romantic relationship satisfaction for an out-dated idea that a family absolutely has to be married by the church, or by a court of law, in order to be legit. Or authentic. Or whatever.

More often than not?  In shitty, stay-together-for-the-kids relationships? It’s THE KIDS who are most affected. When two parents stick it out for any reason other than wanting to stick it out? It really never ends well for anyone, if it ends at all – and sometimes that in itself is just as damaging as ending badly.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not anti-marriage by a long shot. And I think that EVERYONE, whatever their sexual orientation is, should be allowed to marry. But I also think that couples shouldn’t be pressured to marry because it’s either ‘right for the kids’ state of mind,’ or because it’s Just What People Do if They Want Kids.  My bottom line?  Getting married for any other reasons than love, mutual respect, and a desire to stay together for as long as remotely possible is just crap.

I like you, Julianne. And I’m glad that your situation’s working out for you these days. And because there might have been some undertones of trouble in your relationship, just based on your words, I wish you luck in either case.  Just do me a favor – if shit rolls downhill, which sometimes, you know, happens, keep the kids out of it.

5 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Come down off the soapbox for a sec…I’m not anti-marriage, either, or pro-marriage for that matter, but when it comes to children, I want every possible base covered; namely, the legal base. Whereas I doubt very much that finances are a worry of Julianne’s, I would definitely want to be married if I had children…with the wedding certificate signed in blood, if possible. If a relationship has the legal recognition of marriage (not that “partner” bullshit), when the fairytale heads south, I’ve got the “papers” to get a fair shake for my children. That, in my opinion, is what marriage is…a safety net.

    • Word. I hate people who didn’t get married because “they didn’t feel they needed to” and when their partner dies or they divorce they demand the same rights as married couples. That fucks me off big time.

  • The concept of marriage being a “container” for the kids? No romance, just form over function? Might we have a little less Stalinist Realism and slightly more joyous fantasy?

  • She didn’t say anything about trouble in her relationship or staying in an unhappy relationship for her kids. That isn’t what she was talking about.

  • That’s not what Moore is saying. She’s not saying that she “stayed” with this guy because of the kids, she said she “married” him because of the kids. You’re making an argument that if two people hate each other and stay together that’s bad for the kids – well, duh….

    What I get from Moore’s conversation is that maybe she wasn’t really into marriage as an institution, but decided to do it for the kids. She’s not saying she’s remained in the relationship with this guy for the kids. There’s a huge difference.

    I’m in the same place as her, I don’t care about marriage one bit, but if we have kids – we will get married to offer the children comfort and a sense of stability, because like it or not, our society is based on marriage and once the kids get old enough to know what it means (and that’s around 5, 6 years of age) they’d feel insecure and afraid if they found out their parents aren’t married.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.