I haven’t thought of just how yet, but this bitch will be done.  Ruination by cheap, imitation flat iron or even an embarrassing eHarmony exposé.  Something.  Something, we’ll see.  It’s on.

I know that I kind of explode a little bit when I find out that my very own Brody is rumored to be dating anyone, but for him to be dating my Hollywood nemesis, the object of all my celebrity-related snarky mocking? It’s not the type of news that I wanted to wake up to – in fact, this makes for a really fucking bad Tuesday morning.

According to Showbiz Spy, Brody and Aniston were caught getting cozy with one another – probably at a launch of another stupid, sparkly Jennifer Aniston-themed perfume that fucking no one’s gonna wear, because who the hell wants to smell like desperation and salty unshed tears anyway? – but that’s aside from the point:

“Jen and Adrien were flirting with each other outrageously — you could totally tell that they’re an item. At one point, Adrien was leading Jen away in hand. She was rubbing her hands down his back and gazing into his eyes like she was totally smitten. Jen is definitely very taken by Adrien, who has been a close acquaintance of hers for a long time. He’s a charming, intelligent guy who has no pretensions about him whatsoever, so Jen always feels at ease in his company. And besides the fact he isn’t insecure about her success, she loves the dangerous, edgy side to him. He exudes this rugged sex appeal that Jen gravitates towards. But she needs to be careful.”

First of all, Jen gives that ‘smitten’ look to any male that makes eye contact with her.  I heard her mailman had to be reassigned to a different route because she creeped him out so bad.  And that was a mailman.  Come on, Adrien! Like, it’s actually pretty simple. If you’re not going to cave, meet my incessant demands and contacts to your agent to start sharing my bed (even for a few minutes, I promise thatsallineed) stat, then at least pick a cool chick to bone. Because Jennifer Aniston, man. That’s just embarrassing for you, and frankly, I don’t know how much more disappointment I can take today.

Though it was reported just earlier today that Lindsay Lohan would be spending some self-induced extra time in rehab, she went and checked out. Also today.  Like, less than an hour ago.

Super.

And just when you thought that the drama and the mayhem was over for Linds and her cracked-out posse of enablers, she’s gone and moved from her West Hollywood apartment to a home directly across the street from ex-gal and theoretical punching bag, Samantha Ronson.

I know that we all felt warm and fuzzy about Lindsay squawking about renewed dedication to her sobriety, but if her alcoholism, drug abuse, and sexuality is as flippantly tossed around as her rash decisions regarding self-stability are, we’ll be seeing some fur flying over the next few months, if not weeks.

I just hope that she starts bumping snatches again with Ronson. It’d be almost as good as Britney wearing the pink wig again. Let the fuckery commence!

Hey, Selena! This looks like a  lot more than “just pancakes” to me!

The teen heartthrobs where photographed chillin’ poolside together over the holiday and things looks a little “mature” for a sixteen year old in his girlfriend. Sure, she’s 18 and probably used to a hand resting on her ass as she enters a hotel room, but young Bieber! Where has he learned such smooth moves?

I suppose these photos put to rest the break up rumor that was started on Twitter a couple weeks ago… Damn. These two sure know how to throw us Laptop Detectives for a loop.

Today we’re learning that Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin have officially split, and since we’ve so rarely seen the two together (I assumed they’d broken up long ago) and Mila has Black Swan to promote, maybe that blind item from a few weeks ago was referring to them?

From the NYP:

Kunis’ rep confirms that she and one-time child star Macaulay Culkin have gone their separate ways. “The split was amicable, and they remain close friends,” her rep said. Kunis started dating Culkin seven years ago, when she starred as the snobby “Jackie” character in “That ’70s Show.” A source said the couple split some time ago but has kept it low-key while Kunis promotes the movie.

Whoa! Curve ball! It seems like Mila and Macaulay are a perfect fit for the blind item. Guess they never to came to mind because they were so super DL about their doings for years and years, and if two folks could break up and quickly move on, I’m guessing it’s the smokin’ Mila and mega-loaded Macaulay.

Anyone else need more convincing?

Ryan is in the middle of a divorce and Sandy is both divorced and raising a baby on her own, so it makes sense that the stars of The Proposal would meet up in Texas and ring in the new year together. I’m assuming that there’s nothing romantic going on between the two and that their connection is based more on their senses of humor and the fact that they’re both going through what could be considered tough times right now.

A quiet New Year with close friends seemed to be the way to go this year …

It’s kind of crazy to think that the actress who, at one time, flunked out of rehab programs left and right, is now asking that she stay there past her court-ordered treatment date to ensure that she feels comfortable with her sobriety.

That’s what Lindsay Lohan’s doing, though. Back when she was sentenced to rehabilitation, she was told that had to stay there throughout January 3rd, just after the holiday weekend. But sources from inside the Betty Ford center are saying that Lindsay would like to stick around through next weekend in one of the facilities safe houses just to ensure that she’s gained the skills she needs to keep sober.

Seriously? I’m putting my money on a sober Lohan in 2011. Call me crazy, but between her excessive treatment and the beating her public image has taken over the last couple years, I’d be shocked if drugs still seemed to be the fun time they once were.

Do you think this last trip to rehab did the trick for Ol’ Lohan or is this a cycle she’s doomed to repeat?