Enjoy your last look at red Chewbacca. [The Superficial]

Charlie Sheen is probably having sex with Drew Carey now. [TMZ]

Kat Von D and Jesse James are still sucking face and there’s photographic evidence to prove it. [Amy Grindhouse]

Sandra Bullock denies banging Ryan Reynolds, but we’ll wait to see what happens. [Celebitchy]

Golden Globes after-party pics start here! [TooFab]

Natalie Portman – a woman who I’ve had a love/hate affair with since Star Wars.  Loved her in Star Wars, practically hated her in everything else.

Anyway, if you missed my epic three-hour-long liveblog on the Golden Globes last night, here’s Natalie girl accepting her award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama for Black Swan, a movie that I have still yet to see, so I’ll gracefully reserve my scathing judgment on it.  For now. The speech, however, was cute and totally unrehearsed, which was refreshing, but girlfriend’s laugh? Man.

Eeyore in a wood chipper.

That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

You know, I love you guys. Like, a lot. And because it’s so much, I’ve been up half the night, trying to finagle the best photos from our photo agencies, photos of CELEBRITIES YOU LOVE, because that’s what this site is about, right? Giving you guys the best of what you love? Yeah? I mean, even though Jennifer Love Hewitt wore a Jersey Shore-orange kabuki mask to last night’s events, you still love her. And just because Anne Hathaway is so damned hot from the shoulders up (’cause guys … baby’s got no back), she’s still totally one of your favs, right?

All I know is that Justin Bieber has one of the stupidest fucking faces I’ve ever seen, and when I see him flash that ‘True Grit’-esque leer, I want to rip my eyes out and casually toss them in a bucket of battery acid. Or, you know, just look at the back of Tilda Swinton’s head instead. I mean really, it looks like Natalie Portman’s been living back there, ’cause there’s a WHOLE LOTTA NESTING going on up in that bitch.

And apparently? Kelly Osbourne been eating all of the cheeseburgers that Claire Danes and Megan Fox should have been. But I totally could have told you that was going to happen.

Yeah, there were a lot of celebrities that looked totally awesome (Annette Bening, anyone? Christina Hendricks? Colin Firth’s wife, Livia Giuggioli?) But guys? It’s much more fun to make fun of the ones that didn’t, and that’s why you’re here. Or at the very least, that’s why I’M here.

… Oh, and LL Cool J? I think it’s time you changed your name, boy. It’s not 1996 anymore, and you’re never gonna win a Golden Globe for that security guard part in Halloween: H20.

So it’s Monday morning, you’re probably all crazy hung over from the drinking games that you played watching last night’s Golden Globe awards (drink every time the camera swung to Angelina looking strung out on intravenous drugs), and you’re at work. The only real responsibility you have this morning is to look through this shit-ton of photos from last night’s awards show, because really, what’s more important than fucking off at work?

It’s OK – I totally give you permission.

[Update 10:59 PM ET] Best Motion Picture Drama goes to The Social Network. Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King’s Speech – all great nominees. So … really? Was this fucking movie REALLY that good? I mean, congrats and all, but the damned movie is all about Facebook. The creation of that insipid, intrusive application known as FACEBOOK. All I know is that Andrew Garfield is hot, and I was OK with the fact that he was allowed onstage to help accept an award FOR A MOVIE that was BASED ON FACEBOOK.

Now I’m going to go throw my phone out the window, ditch the laptop into the utility sink (complete with running water), and disconnect my cable. Because after seeing The Social Network win the crap out of everything, I’m totally teched out for the night.

Good night, all.

[Update 10:54 PM ET] Michael Douglas is cancer-free and on stage! And apparently very uncomfortable with it, too.

[Update 10:48 PM ET] Best Motion Picture Actor – Drama: Golden Globe goes to Colin Firth, and though I LOVE LOVE LOVE Colin Firth, and I’d have, like, a zillion of his babies, all I could look at was Sandra Bullock’s new nose, lips, and chin. Girlfriend DID IT UP, and the plastic-ness was overwhelmingly distracting. Sorry, Colin. If it makes you feel better, I would have voted for Ryan Gosling anyway, but only because I was kind of there during filming.

[Update 10:40 PM ET] It’s so funny that I thought Buzz Lightyear, like, my entire life, was voiced by George Clooney. Kind of puts a big spin on things for me. Blows my mind. Kind of like the fact that The Kids Are All Right won Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical. No love for Alice in Wonderland, guys? NONE?

[Update 10:37 PM ET] Best Actress Motion Picture Drama: Natalie Portman takes it, and man, this chick is WAY more pregnant than anyone intimated. I’m also glad that Benjamin Millepied ‘totally wants to sleep’ with her, too, ’cause if not? MILA KUNIS WOULD TOTALLY HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.

[Update 10:33 PM ET] Joseph Gordon-Levitt. When did you get so pompous? YOU WERE THE KID ON THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN.

[Update 10:25 PM ET] Best Actor Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical: Well, Johnny Depp was nominated twice, so I say his odds are good … but Paul Giamatti won instead for … wait, what the fuck was he nominated for? And he beat JOHNNY DEPP? OK. I’m going to bed now.

[Update 10:17 PM ET] Best Director for Motion Picture: David Fincher The Social Network. OK, OK. I guess I have to cave and see this movie. The whole concept of Facebook is kind of lost upon me (really, I hate Facebook. Don’t bother sending me any requests on there, ’cause I’m never on and I hate Facebook), but apparently the movie was a bit hit, huh?

[Update 10:00 PM ET] That lipgloss Angelina just put on? HEROIN.

[Update 9:53 PM ET] Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture: I’m kind of hoping anyone BUT Helena Bonham Carter takes this category, especially after the pompous waving-around-of-the-hands thing she just did there. And … Melissa Leo, The Fighter. Good on you, girl.

Best Actor in a TV Series – Comedy or Musical: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang theory. Best comment of the night in this one, too – “My writers – sorry, the writers, how crass.”

(more…)

That loving look in Edward’s eyes.  Bella’s tender placement of her finger on his chin.  You can feel the raw emotion just coursing through them in this photo, right?

No, I’m just kidding, but I know somebody’s going to rub one out to this picture, so I didn’t want to rain on that parade. Anyway, judging by the condition of the pillows, this is a photo of a moment just before Bella and Edward consummate their marriage. That’s sweet, but I would much rather see a photo of the aftermath, where the bed is broken, the blankets and pillows are ripped to shreds, the room’s covered in feathers and Bella’s covered in bruises (Bella likes it rough, you guys, and there’s nothing wrong with that).

Probably the thing about this photo that makes me the most excited is the way it makes me think of Kristen Stewart playing a character who enjoys something. Crazy, right?

Photo via Cinema Blend