Or rabies shots or something? Because I don’t know if I’m all that comfortable with Kat Von D and Jesse James getting married without them.

I know, it’s none of my business, love is blind, and for fuck’s sake, at least James isn’t marrying Bombshell McGee, but I’m still pretty shaken up nevertheless.

But hey – congratulations to the couple on your upcoming nuptials, and may you have many years of marital bliss. I know how important those vows are to the both of you, so get at it, crazy kids, and have a couple of kids yourselves while you’re at it. Why not choke the living shit of happiness out of each and every single individual you can in the process? You go, guys!

Also, check out the photo of the ring in the gallery. It was probably ‘borrowed’ off of Sandra Bullock’s grandmother. I mean, couldn’t you just see these two desecrating a grave and then, shucks, I don’t know, having sex atop the overturned casket? Bad image, oh man and what the fuck … get out of my head before I turn off the goddamned internet.  OUT.

I don’t know if you guys have come across these photos yet, but if you haven’t, they’re kind of a must-see, I guess. As I said yesterday, with Octomom’s whip-me-hard-mommy video and pictures, there’s apparently an audience for everything. And I’m willing to bet that ones who rubbed one out over the Octomom pics (you know who you are, you shameful, dirty beasts) are about to pop a huge one over these giantess bondage photos.

Khloe Kardashian, who is the … tallest Kardashian, was photographed by YRB magazine, and if you’re out of the loop, ‘Y,’ ‘R,’ and ‘B’ probably stand for ‘Young,’ ‘Rich’ and ‘Beautiful,’ maybe, but it also stands for a myriad of other things like ‘Youth Risk Behavior,’ ‘Yangtze River Basin,’ and ‘Yahoo! Research Berkeley.’ (Acronym-finder what what!) Anyway, they’ve got the young right, and apparently the Kardashians have buckets of money, otherwise their overexposed television fame would probably be kind of over at this point, but I heard the mag changed the ‘B’ to ‘big-boned beautiful’ just for Khloe on this edition. I’m just saying.

So. Love them? Hate them? Are you, you know, finished? You dirty, dirty kids … you’re probably aroused by those ‘Messing With Sasquatch‘ commercials, too, aren’t you?

Have you guys ever done Zumba? I’M ADDICTED. Seriously. Like, I could do it for hours a day, every day.  I find myself doing Zumba moves in my kitchen.  My ass hasn’t had this much shaking since I was twenty-one and new to the club-going nightlife scene.  The only difference now is that said ass isn’t groped and grinded on as much.  I mean, it could be, but the class is held in a church basement and I do it with a bunch of ladies, so … I’ll let you guys draw your own conclusions.

Anyway, Kirstie Alley was caught doing Zumba on television, and guys – she lost a bunch of weight. I mean, she’s still pretty heavy, but nothing – NOTHING – in comparison to what she was back in the day.

Kirstie Alley was always a stick-out celebrity in my mind, having been on Cheers and those fucking AWESOME Look Who’s Talking movies, and though she gained two hundred pounds or whatever, I always liked her, her personality (even if it did border on creepy Scientologist), and thought that she had a wicked hot face and entertaining spirit.

Keep on doing Zumba, Kirstie, and maybe we’ll see a big return to the silver screen, no pun intended. (OK, OK – pun intended.)

Have you ever peeled the eye of a dog back while it slept? You know – gently. If you ever have, you saw that the dog had a film of white covering it’s actual eyeball. A protective thing, I suppose.  I think that’s what we have here, ladies and gentlemen.

Did, like, someone catch Lopez sleeping or something, or did they just maybe mention Ben Affleck’s name again?

Photo courtesy of The Superficial

“I’d bust a nigga’s ass at Uno. We gamble for phone time. I’d take nigga’s commissary: Lemme get them cookies, lemme get them chips, get that soup.”

- Lil Wayne explaining to Rolling Stone how “high-stakes” Uno games kept him busy during his stint in prison.

As much as I missed Wayne, Lindsay and Martha while they were gone, I fucking LOVE IT when celebrities go to prison. It just further proves how essentially retarded celebrities can grow to become inside of their cocoon of money and ass-kissing assistants. They talk about shit like eating Ramen noodles and playing card games is the most down-to-earth thing they could possibly ever do. Gambling for extra time on the payphone? Sneaking candy back to your room? Jesus Christ, that’s what we used to do at sleepover camp in 1996.

If prison’s like all that AND the hardest job you can get while you’re in there is making license plates, then sign this bitch up.

It’s one thing when you’re mobbed by your hometown fans, but when you fly all the way across the world and receive the same treatment, that’s a pretty big deal. Yesterday my goddess and idol, Nicki Minaj, was greeted by a gang of Barbz at Heathrow Airport and from the look on her face in these photos, it was a moment she’ll never forget. Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga may be used to this kind of treatment, but Nicki’s been coming up for like, three years now and is finally getting the attention she deserves.

And that nail color Nicki is rocking? Mmmmm, girl. I have got to get my hands on that hue. That’s some real sophisticated and next level stuff. Really enjoying that shade over here.